To not invite family to vegas wedding

[pinkkpanther]

So I live in the UK and me and my Fiance want to go to Las Vegas to get married but it to be just us two

However, our families aren’t taking it tell which I understand can be upsetting. I am an only child and my mum would obviously want to see her only daughter get married but we just want to go away us two as it would also be our honeymoon as well because we have a child and my Fiance has another daughter

ABIU to go to vegas to get married and not invite our family along (my mum mainly)?

We don’t want the hassle of organising a wedding here and the grief from everybody so if we did then it would solely be done just for my mum which is a lot of money to please 1 person when it’s our day.

My mum isn’t taking it well and I’m scared to bring it up to her again. My mum has been very opinionated and somewhat nasty to me the last year and she is holding me back booking it because I don’t want the cheek and arguments from her. My Fiance wants to book it and I feel bad because I keep asking can we wait but I don’t really know what I’m waiting for

Thanks for reading. Would like some opinions

In your opinion.

Some of the chapels are stunning and absolutely not tacky at all

We gave everyone less than 1 weeks notice of our wedding. The ppl we wanted were there ( even from the USA).
Your call, but eloping and telling everyone after, seems like a good call

I got married at The Bellagio, a 5* hotel, how is that tacky compared to getting married at a local hotel?

there’s literally no difference,

you sound ridiculous.

You are marrying your husband not your mother. She’s had her wedding day.

Comments like this bemuse me. Of course it's the bride and grooom's day, but, assuming that the mother is a normal one who loves her daughter deeply, it's incredibly unempathetic to think that watching a daughter get married isn't important to her. My daughter's wedding was one of the happiest days of my life. I had little to do with it in that she and her fiance organised it all themselves, but dress trying on day (with her sister and best friends) and the wedding itself, were just wonderful, warm and loving days.

Had she decided to elope, I'd have dealt with it and tried to hide any disappointment. But saying that because I've had my wedding day means that I shouldn't care at all about my lovely daughter's is just weird.

Parnets and PILs are expected to tread the thinnest of tightropes. To love, support and care about their adult just enough, but not too much. And too much seems to be sadness at not being at their wedding. Enough is doing childcare for the kids that the couple produce, of course.

I wouldn't do this to my mum, I also wouldn't exclude my DD from my wedding as she would be heartbroken is she couldn't be a bridesmaid (she's 7)

We had a small wedding there is no way I would not have had close family atleast from either side

Well said.

But this is MN where parents are not expected to do anything for their children or have a relationship with them between their 18th birthday (as they are now an adult) and the day their maternity leave is over (and childcare is needed)

Same, it's beautiful there isn't it

Yeah I have never understood this attitude. In RL I have never really come across this unless the families just aren't close at all. Even then it seems rare.

DHs side of the family were quite dysfunctional so we felt a smaller scale wedding was better then they could decide whether to make the effort to come and wouldn't have to spend all day together like at a big wedding at home. In the end neither of his parents decided to come. His dad was an alcoholic so only his mum was invited to the evening party at home. We had lunch before the party which we only invited his dad to. Sounds overly complicated but we still wanted them part of our day regardless of the complications.

Or they could have merely told them they were going on a holiday, and announced the marriage upon their return.

go to vegas. even if u have it here it's already tainted with ur mums words and she would prob find fault anyways no matter where it was by the sounds of it.
go to vegas enjoy ur time there, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says.
btw i eloped to gretna 11 years ago and not regretted it for a second.

It's YOUR wedding so do what makes you happy! Your mum should stop behaving like a selfish child! I would never dictate/guilt trip any of my dc about something as personal as their wedding!

I couldn’t imagine getting married without my family. I’m originally from London but live in Vegas. I had a full on proper wedding here with about 80-100 people. They had flown from England, Ireland, Canada & other parts of the US. I felt very special that all those people cared enough to come all that way for me. When sending the invitations I was worried no one would come 😂

That said, if we had chosen to just get married in a chapel on the Strip then I wouldn’t have bothered inviting anyone except my parents & in-laws. It takes literally 5 minutes and then it’s all over. It takes longer queuing at the court house for the marriage license.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

🤣🤣 The ignorant have spoken. While most of the Strip venues are on the tacky side the town is full of absolutely beautiful venues. They beat most things in the UK hands down. Where do you think those of us that live here get married?

Obviously never been here. I had the most beautiful reception at a golf club, after our church wedding. Nothing in the UK could compare to the venue or the service.

Having an opinion is one thing but at least be well informed before you make stupid statements.

To be fair, if it's only going to be the two of them, and they don't have a lot of money, I suspect their wedding location won't be in the same ball park as yours.

OP…I’ll share with you the advice the judge who married DH and shared.

“There is no wrong way to get married only a wrong way to be married”

Congrats on your wedding whatever you decide

You sound as though you feel stuck between your fiance and your DM. Does your fiance have a poor relationship with his parents or are they happy to be excluded?
A PP said better to ask for forgiveness but leaving parents out of your wedding isn't always forgiven. My friend did that, and none of us mentioned it again but no-one forgot how badly they had treated their parents.

My husband and I married alone. My family were fine with it, my husband's weren't.

My only regret was telling his parents our plans beforehand.

Wish we'd eloped, as then even though the end result would have been the same (non-contact with them now) at least our engagement wouldn't have been ruined by them.

If your mum has been nasty to you for the last year, I see that as even more reason to do it your way. Is she being nasty because of this? If so, do not pander to her, it's manipulation.

Do what you and your fiance want, it's your day.

This. Even if he isn't trying, his plan is going to have that result anyway.

I agree this plan is a big F* U to her. Don't alienate your mum.

I also agree with a pp's suggestion that you do a registry office wedding in the UK and then head off to Vegas for your honeymoon with no big hoopla/ party.

I didn't elope (wasn't my original plan anyway) but my mum was always at my neck about something when I was planning my wedding, I understand how much stress it can cause.

Honestly as much outside pressure you may feel from her or others, stick to doing the wedding you want - ultimately it's yours and your fiancé's day, no one else's.

She might be upset at you for the time being, but your her daughter and she won't be upset at you permanently. I think your regrets are likely to be bigger if you don't do the wedding you want.

Someone's idea on here about live streaming is great, I think you should do that. Good luck and hope you have a wonderful time xx

If you're going to do it then just don't discuss it again.
I get she's upset but you can't throw a wedding just for your mum. She'll need to be upset, manage her feelings like an adult and CEV

... sorry.
She'll have to get upset and then get over it. Sorry if that seems harsh but what's the alternative?

Her holding you to ransom?

Is she going to organise and pay for the wedding she is demanding? I guess you could say she can come to Vegas for the ceremony but make it clear you're going off and doing your own thing on your honeymoon.

Oh god, I don't, I can't think of anything worse! 😄

It's the joining of two people so they are the only ones who get an opinion on how they get married ultimately.