am I supposed to just not work and accept I will lose my job? What the hell can I do here?

[flexibilitya]

DS started nursery in May. Since then he’s been off more than he’s been in. I have 3 days annual leave left for the rest of the year!!! What am I supposed to do? He’s obviously going to be unwell again. I have zero practical support and DS’s dad has no involvement. Work are accommodating but by now I can tell they know I am doing very little, I worked through the nights last week but my job is not one you can just do on no sleep, it’s hard, I’m paid well. I feel like giving up. How can this be sustainable?

Would a nanny be a better solution? Obviously depending on your finances

The ill years don't last forever, although he's not even been in over flu season.

Your first step is to speak to your employer and find out your options, can you take unpaid leave etc. Are you able to WFH when he is ill so you can work when he is sleeping?

Look to your community do you have family that can take him if ill.

Look at different childcare providers, would a childminder be less illness adverse to a nursery?

This might not be the job for you in your circumnstances right now, which is annoying but that's why being a single parent is so hard. Perhaps look for one with working conditions that fit around you a little better. If you leave, leave on good terms, as you may be back in the future.

What are the reasons he has been off so much? Could you look at using a childminder rather than nursery. We found ours more reasonable about when our child could/couldn't attend.
Will work allow you to take carer days rather than using all your leave?

It does get easier as they get older and their immune system gets stronger. Good luck

@Mamofteenager i don’t even know where I would find a nanny. Are they a lot more expensive? Would they stay in the house? So stressed I will try anything.

Work wise: Be proactive and engaged with your employers rather than forcing them to have to address the issue. Make sure that you're clear about being committed to your job and looking for solutions to this. Ask about their rules around eg parental leave (there's standard law on this but worth discussing it with them anyway to all be clear). Be keen to address any concerns about the quality of your work.

Good luck and hopefully this won't last. After he's built up some immunity it should get better. But I'd say work are likely to be a lot more patient with you (unless they're dickheads) if you can be clear that your commitment is still high.

@Singleandproud if I leave my job it would massively damage my career. I feel very stuck.

I haven’t asked if I could work while he is home with me but I could do that. I just feel constantly judged and stressed and have had enough now. I’m really trying my best.

@AllotmentTime thank you. What is parental leave? Is it unpaid? Obviously nursery still have to be paid so that’s added stress.

Do you work from home?

What childcare were you using before he went to nursery?

Have you spoken to his GP about his constant illnesses?

Nurseries tend to be stricter if their policies. I’d look into other options.

I think the best solution would be to see if there's an option to wfh when he's ill . We had similar at work with a guy who was always being called to school when his kid got sick but they worked around it . FWIW two years down the line and child is never or very rarely ill so it's not an issue .

It is - here's the government link: https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Firstly, this will pass. They catch everything under the sun and then it simmers down.

Some options:

Are your nursery especially strict? Ours allow us to send kids in with sniffles or conjunctivitis but not D+V. Our last nursery was much much stricter on illnesses which made things more difficult.

Look into childminders who again might be a bit more flexible.

A nanny. Obviously a lot more expensive.

Do you work for a big employer? Mine has a parents and carers network to lean on and also provides emergency childcare through the Bubble app for such occasions.

I agree with the above though, engage with your manager about this. It honestly will pass. If you're a good employee then a few months of struggle shouldn't overshadow what you can bring to the table over the next few years.

I can work from home a lot but didn’t think to ask if I could while ds is with me. Gosh it is so overwhelming. Feel like I can’t win at the moment.

You should use this option if you can. I have done. It's tricky with a toddler or baby but I always tried to get 3-4 hours done while kiddo is with me (naps and cocomelon) and then catch up at night.

You will get through this!

If he's been I'll so much you need to be having conversations with the GP and health visitor. This isn't normal!

Your next option is unpaid parental leave.

If the situation is stressful you could get signed off sick with stress.

Try another nursery if that one is a germ fest.

Yep, this is pretty much what I had to do in lockdown 1 when nurseries were shut - keep them occupied whilst I put in a 2-3 hour stint.

WFH with a kid around?

Do employers allow this?

Are you single? How many days has your husband taken?

I know so many new mums who return to work and think things like this are all on them but it isn't.

Some companies also offer discretionary leave for this situation, mine doesn't but my husband has had about 3 chunks of a few days leave this year as paid dependents leave.

I guess it would depend on the job.

If you are customer facing and fielding calls their probably not.

Otherwise it's the least worst solution to a temporary problem.

It's tough OP, ut you won't get much sympathy from people who don't have children. They will see your "lifestyle choice" as impacting them if they have to pick up your work.

It's probable, depending on how long you've been there, the likelihood that you will sue, that they will pull the plug on your position. Talk to them, but ultimately you're paid to work, not babysit, if your position isn't generating revenue or efficiency savings, you WILL be let go.

If you can WFH, I would speak to work if this is a stop gap solution. Hopefully it won't last too long. Also, have you spoken to the GP? Kids pick up a lot of bugs initially but more ill than in is not normal. How long has been been going on? A few months or longer.

I have a children with disabilities. Unfortunately, if there is a long term issues which affects attendance, it will have a knock on affect on your ability to hold down a job. Not fair but it is the reality.

Is your son really unwell or is it one if those nurseries that takes the piss? My colleague was a single mum and the nursery would ring her when she was about to go into court, saying, "Well he just seems not himself today and he says he wants to go home..."

So if they're doing that try a different nursery?

We had this with my DS, they were sending him home all the time. I just told them straight that if it continued then I would be putting my job at risk and asked them if they could give Calpol in the first instance and then see how he was.

It pretty much fixed it, they hardly ever called me to get him after that.

Put in a flexible working request. Make it clear it would be to work in this situation but not generally.

What's he been ill with? Coughs and colds and tummy bugs? Normal stuff? Sounds like an awful lot. They do get ill at nursery but this sounds v unlucky to be off so much. Perhaps a childminder with less kids would have less chance of picking up bugs?

I would speak to your manager and say you're concerned about the situation and ask about flexible working. It certainly won't be forever.