am I supposed to just not work and accept I will lose my job? What the hell can I do here?

[flexibilitya]

DS started nursery in May. Since then he’s been off more than he’s been in. I have 3 days annual leave left for the rest of the year!!! What am I supposed to do? He’s obviously going to be unwell again. I have zero practical support and DS’s dad has no involvement. Work are accommodating but by now I can tell they know I am doing very little, I worked through the nights last week but my job is not one you can just do on no sleep, it’s hard, I’m paid well. I feel like giving up. How can this be sustainable?

That sounds like an extreme amount of sickness. What is he ill with? Do you think it could be one of those nurseries who keep sending kids home with sniffles to keep numbers down. Healthy children should be able to handle a cold without having to go home.

Where do live @flexibilitya? If you are close to any big cities you should be able to employ an emergency nanny at short notice.

there are agencies like this one who provide these

https://www.emergencychildcare.co.uk/emergency-nannies/

or for less formal childcare

https://www.sitters.co.uk/

This would mean you keep him in nursery for regular childcare but if he is sick and you are able to work from home you can use the nanny for childcare for as long as you need to. It will be expensive but hopefully not as expensive as losing a day’s pay.

Alternatively do you have family, non working friends or grown up non working children of any of the above who could step in in emergencies if you agreed to pay them to do so?

Add in the 'please collect your child, he has a temp, runny eye, spots etc, etc' and it's a real fix if u don't have local support.

I'm in similar position though DH is a bit supportive or at least tries.

Don't have the answer, but you are not alone, guess if u have the cash a sitter, like bubble.com might work, annoying when you have to pay nursery but they can't go.

We are just winging it tbh.

Just work with him at home and don’t tell your employer.

I wouldn’t bring up trying to WFH with a poorly child as a solution until you have exhausted all other options tbh. I can’t see how you can fulfil both roles effectively.
I’d also look at the threshold for your little one being sent home. Unless they’re vomiting or really unwell they have to keep going in. And I say this given my little one didn’t manage a full week between October and December last year 😭. Unless he had a temperature we couldn’t explain or was vomiting (he had three separate vomiting bugs) he went to nursery complete with antibiotics and painkillers if necessary. It’s shit when you’re sick and they’re sick and you want to be home but it’s a part of life. They’ll never remember it and you’ll forget, in time!

Can your parents help? What about ex’s parents? Would they want to help?

There’s a company called Emergency Childcare that provide child care for last minute and out of hours.

I experienced the same. The early years at nursery were a nightmare. It went on for about 18 months/2 years. My boss was supportive thank god but I just ended up WFH and looking after DC at the same time. It was super hard as also have a massively responsible job. I would be proactive with your employer, suggest WFH as an approach and reassure them it’s not forever. The last year plus he hasn’t had one sick day, it happens a lot in the early days while they are building their immune systems. Hang on in there OP, it’s not easy having a career and a baby but you can do it.

Another one who thinks that sounds like a normal amount of illness post Covid.
I’m also a single parent and work nights and weekends.
My 1 yr old has had x4 hospital admissions for 3-5 days each time as well as coughs / colds.
Luckily my parents are nearby but I also use the neighbours 15 yr old, a local babysitter and my non local sister as needed.
can you find a sensible local sixth former / uni student who can help out for the next little while (and potentially going forwards).
I would echo talking to your manager. I would say I’m treading water at work - I’m expressly not taking on any additional projects etc, but have had frank chats about this being a short term thing.

Have a look at parental leave on the gov website. Not sure how it works but know employees are entitled to unpaid leave for the welfare of their child/children

We were in a similar situation when our DS was little. We could not afford a nanny but took him out of nursery and found a childminder. She had 3-4 kids so he was still mixing with other kids and went back to a different nursery a year before starting school. He has grown out of all the illnesses. Good luck OP!

I'd definitely look at a childminder. Nurseries just aren't hygienic places! Minimal cleaning (same as schools), toys rarely or never cleaned, loads of kids putting things in their mouths.
Home environments tend to be much cleaner and of course much fewer children at a childminder.

It sounds like you need a nanny. I'm not sure what country you are in but you should be able to find some local agencies / or use childcare.co.uk if you are in the UK.. he /she could take him to play groups while you work and he can also get to have his naps in his own bed. If you earn well it's definitely worth it

Ps: a paediatrician told me once that 10 illnesses -a year for first two years is totally normal while they build up their immune system

When my DS first started Nursery he was off as much as he was in for the 3-6 months. It felt relentless. BUT it does get better after than initial stint. He’s now been there about 2 years and has only had 2-3 days off this year.
I have no suggestions but it does get better if you can survive the initial period where they will catch everything going. Good luck! 🤗

I think you are suffering with Mothers guilt. Give yourself a break, speak with your employer (strange you didn't know what unpaid leave is, just saying) but let them know at nursey little one's pick up bug after bug but it will eventually get better once his immune system is in kid flow, if they have children themselves, they should be understanding but you need to ket them know what they will get in return. If that doesn't work, I would ask for a meeting with your boss and head of HR. Talking to ACAS will also be beneficial, they offer free, non biased employment advice. Take it easy on yourself, you seem overwhelmed without knowing what options you have open to you. Do your research and don't make any rash decisions. Best of luck, we know it's tough but you'll get there

Au pair? Or if you don’t want live-in help you could try find a nanny-share, so you have support 2-3 days a week. Then reduce nursery so you’re only paying for the days you need. Also look into getting the chickenpox vaccination.

I'm sure OP has now had the advice she needs by now, but to add my two cents: I had this when DS was 3 as well! An ear infection/tonsillitis every six-eight weeks and my A/L was gone by August (and it only lasted that long because I can work flexibly from home).

DS's illnesses were so frequent and needed enough attention that we got a referral to an ENT who told me that children need time to grow into their tonsils, and the fact they're too big for their throats can cause infections (spurred on by all the bugs they pick up at nursery). Apparently this usually resolves itself around 4 or 5yo, and the infections start to decrease and that's what happened to us. Mercifully, we haven't had another serious ear or throat infection for almost a year and DS's sick days have massively decreased.

Hang in there if you can, as this phase will pass. Use sitters from any source you can (the links in previous comments, nursery staff, etc) to hang on to your job in this rough patch and you should hopefully come out the other side soon! It's effing exhausting at the time though, nursing a child in the daytime and working all night 😴

As a childminder - if your child is unwell then we still don’t want them in! If we get sick, we don’t get paid.

do you have room for an aupair for a few years?

Use annual leave for absecences and you can the take unpaid parental leave to top your annual leave back up (as parental leave I think has to be taken in one week blocks). But don't panic this illness issue will only be for the durst year at nursery and calms right down after that

Ours get sent home the minute they have a temp and they aren't allowed back for 24 hours!

Yes, after Covid our nursery had a policy that they wouldn't let a child in who'd had Calpol before going in, I think to stop parents from hiding fevers and spreading Covid and all the other post-Covid bugs that came back with a vengeance.

Our nursery also sends children home with a fever (which tbh, I'm fine with no matter how inconvenient and exhausting. DS's fevers would often get quite high and you had to keep a close eye on him, so he really did need to be at home and off his feet)

I have 2 children under 2. I went back to work when the youngest was 6 months old. It was a complete nightmare as they were constantly picking up bugs and then sharing them between each other which prolonged my time working from home with the little ones. I feel your stress, it’s awful . I used to wake up thinking am I making a full day at work today. It’s like the nursery would ring for anything. I dreaded seeing the number on the phone.
I have a DH however his job isn’t flexible and no family or friends support so it’s my job to suck it up most of the time.
I did what others suggested, work from home with the little ones, if they sleep, be as productive as you can, dinner times etc then pick up on an evening when you can.
It’s worth trooping through this period, well that’s what I tell and still tell myself. If you’ve found a job you love and have worked hard to get, it’s very easy to lose your identity to motherhood so keeping something you’ve got for you will be with worth it!

Are they sending him home or you keeping him off? Nanny's and Childminders are often cheaper. They are less likely to send home aswell than nurseries who have ridiculous policies

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