What do people with no friends do in their spare time?

[Sporty339]

I'm fortunate in that I'm close to my family and have a partner, which may not be the case for everyone.
However they're not always available and plus I don't want to constantly depend on them, so I'm very much on my own sometimes.
I do have one close friend but she's only usually available once a month.
I don't work regular 9-5 hours, partner usually works all weekend.
Currently trying to move on from a group of people I thought were friends but clearly have zero interest in me and atm my mental health is shot to pieces.
Went to the Trafford Centre alone (not sure if anyone's familiar with it) it was absolutely packed out and tbh I just felt uncomfortable walking around on my own.
I am actually quite an introverted person and I do enjoy alone time but not all the time, I do feel very lonely.
Because of my shifts I can't commit to weekly clubs or meetup groups, but I'm currently trying to change my working hours to solve this.
I do have social anxiety and feel very exposed going out alone, I really struggle in crowds especially in such a packed out city like Manchester.
Just interested to hear what others do.

I always shop alone can’t stand anyone coming with me tried it but hate it .
I also regularly got for a run or a walk on my own, I do enjoy having company on a run or walk but I like going in my own as I can fit it round my own schedule.
I know someone who will not go for a walk on her own her anxiety is that bad as she thinks people will think it odd .
Id go to the cinema alone I haven’t but it’s not something I do often anyway but I quite like watching a film on my own so I think I’ll make a point of doing that .
I don’t have many friends tbh and the ones I have aren’t best friends more like people I’d see in a hobby and invited out in a group nobody I’m close to. I enjoy my own company.
if you want to make friends though it’s though a group or hobby .

Sorry to hear this OP, I do sympathise and have struggled with this!!

I'm very much alone a lot of the time when im not studying. I live at my parents' house but they spend the majority of the time travelling and enjoying retirement. My friends live far away so we don't see eachother too often.
I have found myself getting very into DIY, home decor, furniture upcycling, reupholstering, painting etc. I also like to bake and cook which takes time out of my day and I walk my neighbours dogs. I have transformed an ideal bedroom and bathroom for myself which feels truly relaxing and cosy so for the first time in my life I feel quite content in my own company. I think it's all down to finding things you are happy doing on your own and finding that peace, instead of finding other people to fill the gap for you. You could even look into reworking clothes, sewing, gardening etc. Have a look for some cool at home DIY things you can do and try a few out, you may love it!

Re. Social anxiety when out, just remember, nobody will remember you! You could literally fall over and face plant in public and people wouldn't remember it in a few weeks. I remember this and it helps me feel less anxious and embarrassed if I feel self conscious. Lots of people are just worried about themselves and aren't paying attention to you! I don't like crowds either, they make me feel hot and nervous so I understand you there. Only advice I can say is avoid these places. When I was stressed recently, I went up to Cambridge botanical gardens. Take some pictures, read all of the plant details, breathe, relax, take a book. Life is very very calm on your own. Xxx

I really feel for you OP. I was very like you in my 20s. I stayed in my uni city. A few others did for a while then left for London though by then I had a good job here. It took many years to make any new friends. I worked for a very small company, then somewhere bigger but where I was the youngest by a long way and there was no real social aspect. I went to a lot of gym classes but never got beyond saying hello to people. I did have a boyfriend (later husband) such was good but felt like I was dependent on him for company. He had his own friends and siblings locally and I'd tag along sometimes but I know they said to him I was odd for being young but no friends.

I did make a couple of friends a bit later at an evening class (transient though as despite effort it didn't last long once the 2 year course was finished) and I made effort to reunite with a couple of old school friends in my home town - definitely worthwhile.

Made one very good friend when I started new job in London (still very good friends). So in almost a whole decade only made one new friendship that lasted! However then had my first child and life opened up. Since then I've had a really good small group of local friends, although even those took a few years to develop from acquaintances to proper friendships. But worth it!

I'm told I'm very hard to get to know. I'm not sure why though it I'd have done something about it. Good luck.

Im in a similar position but I love my own company so I do a lot of walking

The thing is, people say" oh no need to have social anxiety, no ones paying any attention to you" but in my experience that's not true.

many times I've got up the nerve to go to a social event, failed miserably at making small talk etc. Only for someone to say to me, oh you're the person I saw at X event aren't you? You looked really lonely and nervous. Is that why you left early? Or, why did you take ages to park (I'm not very good at parking) then leave early? People do notice! And are really Rude about it! I just don't bother anymore.

Oh my time to shine

I have no friends. The closest I have is work colleagues and our conversations are strictly “oh what did you do the weekend?” or “oh we’re having some mental weather lately.”

No dear husband or even dear boyfriend. Not even a dear “oh he looked at me once” 😂😂

I do have a lovely family. We’re all very involved in each other’s lives, but all my siblings (who are my best friends) for example all have kids and marriages. I’m just the fun aunt who pops in now and then.

So what do I do? Work. After work, I eat, sleep or watch tv. I have a dog, and I would say I talk to her more than most people. It’s incredibly lonely, and easy to slip back into depression (which is why my social life is non existent in the first place).

The most exciting thing that happened to me all weekend was I replaced a debit card.

It's a funny old process. You'll meet lots of mums who don't want to know or who you have nothing in common with beyond moaning about lack of sleep, but the occasional gem who you click with. That's my experience anyway.

It'll be ok, OP. You'll organically meet people over time, us introverts rarely have loads of friends, it's more important to have one or two good friends than loads of superficial friendships, in my opinion.

Check Facebook, for groups in your area that have meet ups?we have one here, they have book group, coffee trips, smaller groups that meet for concerts, walks, gym all from the same group, different ages 20s to 40s.

The more you do on your own, the more comfortable you'll feel.

Can you put into words why the Trafford Centre made you uncomfortable? I'd choose shopping alone every time over shopping with someone else, and I promise you nobody in there gave you walking by on your own a second thought.

I used to go to the cinema and theatre loads on my own before I met DH (I still do actually, but not as often). No pressure to talk to anyone as you're there to watch something, and again, nobody will give a second thought to someone on their own. No so much potential to meet new people, but it does make a change from pottering about at home on your own.

Joking "Manchester Girls" on Facebook

Joining*

I must prefer to shop on my own!

When I was in my late twenties early thirties before I met my partner and had our DC, I used to do a lot of hillwalking & cycling.

I also went to the gym 6 days a week and met people that way. I also liked to do a spa day once every few months.

Try looking into walking/running or book clubs. Such a great way to meet people. X

@VanillaApples you could be me!!

It's so nice to hear from fellow solo-through-lifers on this thread including so many comfort in their own skins.

I resonate so much with so many of you - except the fitness ones tehehe!

I'm single and have friends but we're all busy people in full time work and so on so we don't have time to hang out together all of the time and when we do meet up we usually go out for lunch or coffee or something so I do all my main hobbies on my own.
They are:
Hiking
Gym
Cinema
Painting and making miniatures, I have a hobby room at home set up.
Gardening.
Visiting National Trust properties.
Local pagan moot where I go once a month.
Reading.
Studying, I'm doing a course for work.
Antiques and collectibles, I've found some pretty amazing things which I've bought cheap which have gone right up in value, mostly rare books. One of my books is worth £3k now and I found it for 50p in a charity shop. Its very addictive going on the hunt 😀
I do all these things on my own. I don't need company all the time and I'm sure my friends would be very bored hanging around book shops.

I don't have friends but I don't have much spare time either. But I like my own company and enjoy shopping on my own, visiting galleries, going to films or theatre shows, going for country walks. When I had more time I'd often do gym and adult ed classes (to learn new skills, not to meet people).

It is nice to know I’m not alone, even while actually alone 😂😂😂

I vary between wanting a more active social life and not wanting to disturb my life as it is. My life can be boring and lonely, but it’s also peaceful and safe

Yes, I agree people do notice and they do talk and they do gossip. I can see why this is off putting to someone who is making a great effort to interact.

The Trafford centre has a weird atmosphere - it’s hot and dry and it’s so busy on the weekends. I had a midweek personal shopper thing in John Lewis there though and it was really good - go and do that op instead, you have to be on your own for it 😊

@Coffeeandcake12 where do you find these courses? Do you live near a college?
I like stuff like that.
I’ve recently joined a sewing group

I have no friends. I'm lonely but never bored!

After work, dinner, and putting my child to bed I spend my evenings going to the gym, playing tennis, watching TV, going for a walk, or working. I also go to therapy once a week.

At the weekend, I do stuff around the house, work in the garden, go to the gym, play tennis, go with my child to his tennis and swimming lessons, play with my son, go on bike rides, go to child friendly outings like to the theatre, speak to my parents and siblings on the phone, or meet up with DH's family. I visit my family a few weekends a year.

Unfortunately people do notice social anxiety and shyness. I've had comments over the years about looking nervous or uncomfortable or blushing etc. It's really tough when you are trying to be brave but people hinder you with thoughtless remarks.

Agreed that people make those comments :( maybe they think they're being helpful but it just really puts you on the spot.
I've had exactly the same comments about looking nervous, scared, whatever.

I'm in my 40s and have found that I do much better with 1-1 friendships rather than groups. I'm going through a divorce and have kids and socialise as often as I can (few times a month) but at the most with two friends, usually just one on one. Most of my friends aren't good friends with the others. I'm much more comfortable with this dynamic and work hard to maintain these good quality friendships.

I’m quite an introverted person and not very happy in purely social settings - eg I wouldn’t want to go to a school parents’ black tie event or even barbecue or drinks evening as I hate things where you are just supposed to mingle and talk.

I am very happy though to go to activities on my own and will happily talk to and get to know the people who are interested in doing the same things as me.

I play tennis and I play in an orchestra and I didn’t know anyone at either of these activities before I started. I’ve always done this over the years with whatever hobby I was interested in - Zumba, ballroom dancing, playing bridge, etc!

I don’t really have any close friends, but do have people I go for a coffee/lunch with on the odd occasion and that’s what I prefer really.

Actually on my own at home I am very happy - I love time alone in fact. I do lots of crafts and practice my instrument and watch TV things that nobody else in the family likes!