What do people with no friends do in their spare time?

[Sporty339]

I'm fortunate in that I'm close to my family and have a partner, which may not be the case for everyone.
However they're not always available and plus I don't want to constantly depend on them, so I'm very much on my own sometimes.
I do have one close friend but she's only usually available once a month.
I don't work regular 9-5 hours, partner usually works all weekend.
Currently trying to move on from a group of people I thought were friends but clearly have zero interest in me and atm my mental health is shot to pieces.
Went to the Trafford Centre alone (not sure if anyone's familiar with it) it was absolutely packed out and tbh I just felt uncomfortable walking around on my own.
I am actually quite an introverted person and I do enjoy alone time but not all the time, I do feel very lonely.
Because of my shifts I can't commit to weekly clubs or meetup groups, but I'm currently trying to change my working hours to solve this.
I do have social anxiety and feel very exposed going out alone, I really struggle in crowds especially in such a packed out city like Manchester.
Just interested to hear what others do.

I do usual things, just alone. Go for a coffee or occasionally a pub as a treat. Usually bring headphones to chill with. I find being around people socialising is enough socialness for me 😂 occasionally in a pub people would join my table and chat (usually if they are tiddly) just anything I fancy really, museum, library ect. I've always been a loner so it doesn't bother me, as I'm confident by myself it doesn't look odd as I look like I have intent or motive haha if people think you have a reason, (waiting, working, study ect) no one bats an eyelid. :)

Do you like board games/card games OP? A lot of towns/cities have a board game cafe of some kind or a regular board game club that meets up in a community centre /church hall. My DH and I go to a weekly club, but since we had DS we alternate weeks and go alone - the majority of the people who go are on their own and it can be as social as you want it to be. Some people are very chatty, others are just there to play a game and keep conversation to a minimum, but everyone is welcome, especially any newbies. Before I met DH I went by myself to several different groups. You can find a local group on the Board Game Geek website.
I also have been to book clubs, and agree it can be hard to find one that is a good fit, with a group dynamic you like and book choices that interest you. I ended up starting my own book club at work - meeting at lunchtime once a month - then you can set the tone and guide the book selection! If setting up a group at work isn't an option, I'm sure a local pub would be able to accommodate you on their otherwise quietest evening.
Best of luck, I hope you have fun trying some new things, lots of great suggestions from everyone here!

Gym
Dog walks
Cinema (record is 8 films in a month as I have an odeon limitless pass)
Cafe trip with the dog
Play on my switch (almost 40 and still enjoy it)
Read
Watch a lot of series on TV
Watch films
Go shopping
I used to be part of a hiking group but I was the youngest by far
Church every Sunday. Also the youngest by far.

Not NW but I found a walking club was quite good when I moved to a new area- mix of ages, plenty of 30 somethings. I haven't necessarily made any friends for life so far but it's a gentle activity and people go there to do an activity with people in quite a low pressure setting. Also good because there are several walks a week in summer rather than one weekly event that you may miss. I'd imagine there's one nearish Manchester.

I used to go to the cinema on my own - that’s fairly painless. Or museums/ galleries if you’re into that sort of thing. Shopping before I started buying everything online.
some form of gym class? I used to do Pilates.

Orienteering. This is a bit niche, really, but it seems a good fit. It is an individual sport that offers lots of opportunities to just pay your fee and turn up for a go. There will be people there who are vaguely keen that you should like orienteering so will answer questions, but ultimately it’s a solo activity. If you like it, you can join a club, giving you the chance to volunteer to help out at events. There is loads to do in the sport and you meet people doing all sorts of adjacent activities like hill-walking, fell-running, geocaching, mountain marathons, Turf.

Read books, watch something with DH, potter about the garden. I might play computer games or not. We moved to this suburb for schools but I work full time and I'm not ever at the school gates. Also I'm not very sporty or a real hobby person, so all in all, I don't have local friends here (and DH is sporty but only has sport buddies, not actual friends!) so weekends are mostly just us and kids. And DH is either out playing sport or in playing computer games, as are the kids, so I'm on my own a lot. In Covid I was very lonely although DH was fine as his sports were ok but "just" socialising was not.

But I do have to go into the office a lot and I say yes to work social events as much as I can, and I will also even suggest some team activities when I have the energy. Work is busy, but my colleagues are lovely, so between working hard and being 'on' at work, that meets my social needs.

Find hobbies and interests which bring you joy, you might also meet like minded folk along the way. I love doing things on my own, it's much less stressful.

I enjoy catching up with friends, but don't need much of it to feel satisfied. If I had a week alone, I'd honestly be happy with one hour spent in someone else's company and the rest of the week alone.
It's not that I think 'I don't want to see anyone'. I just occupy myself so well, I forget to socialise!

Been there. Things I've tried dance/exercise classes, theatre group play reading, walking group, volunteering. Try and find the activities that give you the mix between not being centre of attention but also a bit of time to make friends. My long term friends have come from my kids school friends who I use to chat to in the playground but it's finding 'your people' also met few people on line through Facebook groups that can chat too. Sometimes it's just having someone to chat to rather than going out out

Have you looked on facebook for ladies friendship groups in your area? I’ve found one in mine and there’s people of all ages who meet for walks, nights out and meals in relatively small groups. I’ve not yet been to any events but the chat on the group is friendly and if nothing else reassured me I’m not the only one who sometimes feels lonely. Good luck x

IMO you need a reason for meeting people that isn't "to be friends" which is awkward.

As your name is "sporty.." I'd assume you like sport? One thing I did in the past was join a local sports centre's "badminton ladder". Basically you call the person at the bottom of the ladder and arrange a game, if you win you go ahead of them, else you stay at the bottom and gradually work your way up. The point is though that you are meeting to play a game and then walk away... if you choose to. If you however get on well with the person then ask for another game the next week and so on until you decide to have a post game coffee, then a coffee outside of the sports centre and so on. Much less intimidating than setting out to make a friend imo.

The above is just one example. Good luck.

Have you ever considered that you may have slight autism? I'm the same .. I get lonely. My husband is a lot older than me and he's retired he's also boring and hasn't got a lot of motivation for doing anything. Actually no motivation. We are on the big 6 week holidays at the moment. My 10 year old is in bed with a cold. My parents are old I spend a lot of time looking after them. I mainly spend my life now just looking after the home, my cat, my garden my parents house and garden. I go shopping mainly food shopping with my husband. My life is fairly boring. I have had friends but they just turn out in the end as users and arse holes maybe that could be partly my fault too but atleast I was always the one who atleast showed some friendship and loyalty in all of it.
I have one sister who devotes every waking hour to appeasing her manipulative boyfriend (and they are both old ie 54 and 69) I'm mid 40s. Life is awful right now but we will get through.
Like someone else has wrote going to the hairdressers is a nice social hub. That brings me some joy in life atleast.

Apart from shift work you sound very much like me. Even down to the group of people you thought were friends. They have really shown their true colours this year and I have stepped away from them.
I spend far too much time just sitting. I need to get up and start doing stuff. I do yoga once a week. I try to get out running but it’s a bit hit and miss at the moment. If I want to go for a wander around the Trafford I would go on my own. I do get the anxiety, sometimes I arrive somewhere and I am just not comfortable so give myself permission to just turn around and go back home.
All the time sitting is doing nothing for my physical and mental health but it can be so hard to do something when it is just for me. It was so much easier when the kids were small and I was doing the stuff for them.

I really recommend foodcycle for some friendly volunteering. Looks like there’s a few round Manchester. Good way of meeting some friendly people and getting a bit of a social fix. Really worthwhile cause as well. I really enjoy helping out at my local one and fills quiet Friday evenings nicely.

Feel your pain OP, am similar, after losing my husband. we were very much together with each other, didnt really need others, just family from previous relationships all got on great.
I joined a few groups locally, art ,library, walking group, but they were all old and went home to their own lives, so was still lonely.
Retrained went back to work that helps and at least keeps me busy.

I agree with this. I attend a nice, sociable weekly running club, so I feel like I'm socialising - without having to go to the hassle (which i dont have the time for) of making diaries work with friends.

‘and they are both old ie 54 and 69,
Nice bit of ageism there.

I have friends but don't understand why you would feel awkward walking around a big shopping centre on your own. I hate shopping with other people so always do this on my own.

@Birdeegirl ignoring your comment about "slight autism", you describe a boring life that you are unhappy with but sound unwilling to change it or are at least waiting for others to change it for you.

What's stopping you from injecting a bit of oomph into your life?

Hire a kayak at a nearby water sports place and go out for the day on your own or with your DC.

Go to the theatre or cinema on your own if no one else will go with you.

Book a weekend away and go sightseeing.

Buy train tickets and travel to a station an hour away and explore the town, find a little coffee shop and then travel home.

If you don't have friends or even if you do have friends but no one is available it doesn't mean you can't still go out and do things for yourself and live a little.

People with no friends do solo activities. Writing. Painting. Gardening. Watching tv. That sort of thing.

It sounds like you aren’t asking what people with no friends do though. More how you can get friends?

I know, what the fuck?!

I have one sister who devotes every waking hour to appeasing her manipulative boyfriend (and they are both old ie 54 and 69) I'm mid 40s.

My husband is a lot older than me and he's retired he's also boring and hasn't got a lot of motivation for doing anything. Actually no motivation

My parents are old I spend a lot of time looking after them.

Old, Old, Old, everyone's OLD! She's mid-40s FFS

They do exactly the same things as everyone else! So sports, volunteering, cinema, theatre, galleries, museums, walking, camping etc etc.
In fact, most of us WITH friends or partners If he do all these things alone, both because they're fun and because we value our own company.

A person must be very unimaginative if they think activities always have to be done as a pair or group....

Sorry "will do all these things alone" - typos!

I recommend trying Paul McKenna's confidence hypnosis track - available in full for free on youtube. It actually changed my life! I went from being crippled with self-consciousness in social situations to feeling free and confident enough to actually dance in public and relax.