I’m a tutor & a parent wants to sit in on every lesson

[BrightGreenMoonBuggy]

I’m a qualified teacher and I also offer private tuition. I’ve just taken on a new pupil (going into year 6 in September) and he recently came to my house for his first lesson. I invited his mum in and she sat in for the whole lesson. I had no problem with this as usually the first session involves some discussion and it’s fine for a parent to want to see how I teach. During this lesson, I showed her my up-to-date clear DBS certificate. She then booked a second lesson but instead of dropping her son at mine and picking him up at the end of the lesson, followed him in and sat in on the whole lesson again.

The thing is, I don’t want a parent sitting in on lessons every time. It changes the dynamic and I just want to be able to have an hour with the child. Instead, I have her just sitting there which is really off putting.

So, AIBU to ask her to drop her son off and not expect to sit in on every lesson? Or is it reasonable for her to expect to be able to observe everything since it’s a service she’s paying for? And if I’m not BU, how do I word the request without offending her?

YABU- the mum should be able to sit in on every lesson if she wants.
YANBU - the mum should drop her son off and leave me to it.

Great advice!

Although I would not have the parent in the room at all, I've never heard of any teacher or tutor who has this (I suppose unless it was a big room and they were at the other end pottering about or in and out but 100% not disturbing you or engaging with your lesson!)

If you were teaching an instrument, would you expect the parent to be in the room giving advice/interfering in the lesson?? Of course not!

The only caveat to that would be glassed rooms. We will shut the door to a room to keep out the noise whilst doing reading assessments but those rooms have large lanes of glass across one wall.

*panes

yes, I agree with that, as long as other adults are around and can see in easily, then large areas of clear glass works just as well

40 years ago maybe!

@orangeleavesinautumn lol, if only schools had the staff resources to ensure all this multi-adult monitoring! Spoiler alert: they don't!

@orangeleavesinautumn I cannot for the life of me begin to understand where you're getting this misguided notion that teachers are never alone with children. If you go into schools as often as I do you would quite clearly have a heart attack. Teacher training establishments can tell you til they're blue in the face you should never be alone in a room with a child. The reality is that they will be though. Unless you have a kid with 1:1 support, I would suggest most teachers spend most of their days alone with kids in their classrooms.

Just be clear that you find it distracting having the parent there and you feel you are. If teaching to the best of your.avikity as a result as you feel it's preventing the traditional student teacher partnership.

if there is no other adult around, don't be alone with a child - basic safe guarding

My son has tutors (sen home education)- one has a waiting room which I use (it’s in a tutor centre) and my son is forever up and down the corridor to check I’m there,

one asks me to sit at the opposite end of an open plan kitchen/living room thing

One comes to my house and we all sit in the dining room and I read/sew/clean in the adjoining kitchen/do whatever quietly.

I know they are crb checked, and I don’t feel the need to watch the whole thing all the time BUT I would be uncomfortable being told to drop him off at someone’s house and go away. I want to be able to pop my head round the door at any moment- I don’t past the first one or two sessions but if someone told me I couldn’t, they wanted my son totalling alone with no chance of being disturbed, I would be suspicious.

Im a social worker- I KNOW that a dbs/fact you are a teacher/you are a woman sadly doesn’t mean you can be trusted 100%.

I can't for the life of me understand where these schools are that allow such flagrant and dangerous disregard for the basic safety of their staff and students.

I have worked in schools for over 30 years. No professional teacher would ever be alone with a child - wildly inappropriate, stupid and dangerous - highly unprofessional - a disciplinary matter.

I have only really come across an this as an issue once, when mentoring a new teacher, and when I told him he couldn't behave like that he argued back for a moment, and every teacher in the vicinity turned around and told him exactly what I was telling him - no way. And if he did it again it would be reported. He never did it again, he went on to teach for several more years, did very well, and thanked me for helping him keep out of trouble - this is the only teacher I have ever seen do this is more than 30 years in schools - no other teacher I have ever worked with has ever been so stupid and misguided ( or evil, depending on their motives)

In some schools this is extended to never being alone with 2 students, however, even this is recognised as very little protection for children or staff, so in general the rule is that if you are alone with a small number of students, then the door is open and other staff are around, and can clearly see in.

@orangeleavesinautumn
No professional teacher would ever be alone with a child
They would and they do. Where are these other adults constantly shadowing teachers coming from exactly? Who are they? I also have been in the profession for over 30 years. If you think this doesn't happen you are very VERY deluded.

I am sure it does happen, in cases where teachers are untrained, stupid, or evil. What I am saying is that is is not normal, it is not acceptable and in most schools it would not happen.

Untrained, stupid or evil:
Absolutely ridiculous and quite clearly untrue . It is normal practice in many schools. Ideal? No. Normal: yes. You didn't answer my question: who are these extra adults and where have they come from?

Oh and in most schools it categorically does happen. I clearly have been into far FAR more schools than you have.

How does that work in schools if the child wants a private conversation with a teacher about something? Or a teacher needs to speak to a child after class? It’s not always appropriate to have a door open if it’s confidential

@orangeleavesinautumn how do you think TAs do nappy changes? Do you really think schools have two staff to take one child to the toilet?
I know some schools do avoid the situation by insisting parents come in and do a nappy change, but any that does not does not have two staff doing a nappy change with one child.

I've worked in independent secondary schools for over a decade and it literally happens every day. We literally have timetabled 1 on 1 slots to support students who are struggling, there's a record of where we are and with what kid but there's no supervision from another teacher - how would we have the staff? Plus all of the pupils who have ever asked to see me privately and then disclosed they were suicidal/ in an abusive relationship etc would never have had that initial discussion if there was someone else there. We're all DBS checked, and we all know how to whistleblow if we are concerned about a colleague's behaviour, and the kids all know how to report inappropriate behaviour. The vast majority of teachers are not potential child abusers, and we send really weird messages to young people if we suggest otherwise.

I sat in on my 16 year old DDs private lessons. It wasn’t worth me driving all the way home just to turn round & drive all the way back. It was winter, so too cold to sit in the car. I took a book and sat quietly in the corner. The tutor was fine about it. I can’t see the problem.

I'm a qualified teacher . I left the education system and I've been tutoring for more than ten years.
You cannot apply for your own enhanced dbs to my knowledge. It has to be applied on your behalf. If you're working as a tutor for local authority as part of ehcp or something, then you follow the same rules as teachers.
I don't have one.
I am fully booked after school every day and have been for years. Most of my bookings these days are from recommendations but not once for a one to one lesson have I been asked for a DBS. I don't work for an agency i work for myself. I teach secondary and primary. Most secondary kids are dropped off by parent. Most primaries the parent stays for the first one or maybe two. The vast majority of children work better without the parent there. If a parent wanted to stay, I would have no issue with this. They are paying. They get whatever they want. I have a new starter this afternoon at the start of the holidays. No idea if mum is staying but if that's what she wants, that's fine.

I wouldn’t allow it. No way.

I'm a builder, so an entirely different line of business, but like you OP I am offering a self employed model.

This means, unlike working for a firm or school, we get to call the shots to some extent. On the one hand neither I nor you want to turn away a paying customer, however if their request is so outside of how we work that we don't feel we are comfortable or can deliver the service then we are free to turn away the work.

In some respects that is one of the hardest parts of being SE, knowing when to say this is too much trouble or not working for me and walking away.

door is ALWAYS open, or another adult is in the room. Ignore people saying this isn't normal practice - it is the ONLY practice that is acceptable and safe.

Don't get a private 1:1 tutor then. I cba with parents like this who suffocate their children, interrupt and the poor child can't operate as an individual who is learning with the tutors guidance.

@orangeleavesinautumn ..again I ask who is this mythical other adult and where have they come from?