Baby is ruining us

[fedupnow2]

I'm really fed up, frustrated and just desperate for advice. I have an 8mo and she is just the most difficult child- extremely high needs(constantly wants to be carried) but the biggest issue is her sleeping habits. This is not an exaggeration- I spend 5-6 HOURS a day trapped in my room trying to make her sleep. Every single nap time is a nightmare- she is so tired but just cannot sleep. She wants to be rocked but will wriggle furiously. If you leave her in her crib/ lie next to her then she becomes hyper and get more worked up. Dh has a very stressful job and the moment he walks in i hand her over because I'm sick of her. He is also highly frustrated because he then spends the next few hours trying to get her to sleep and he has barely sat down . Our weekends are consumed by her sleep issues. She has been like this since she was born. We have an older child who is struggling because I don't have time for him because of the baby. I would leave her to cry it out but dh doesn't want to. We have done everything- walks, routine, bath before bed, white noise. She eats very well. Please don't tell me this will end, I can't bear another second. Taking her out at any part of the day hypes her up when she gets home. I have now been sitting with her for the past 2 hours and she is furiously just thrashing about crying. Not in pain, just overtired. I've carried her and she just wants to be down. I'm just at the end of it.

@Sluttypants

you are contradicting yourself there. Should maternal mental health be prioritised or not - yes or no?
or should it be sacrificed so that a clean, warm, fed baby safe in their cot doesn’t have to cry and fuss for a bit?

Can’t believe how many people see sleep training as evil/somehow horrific. They learn so fast and you are giving them a tool they will use for life, the ability to soothe themselves to sleep. There are no detrimental effects to it whatsoever according to the studies. I completely understand people who don’t want to do it as it doesn’t agree with them, or fit into their schedule, but it certainly isn’t cruel. And it gets to the point with many parents I’m sure where the downside of a few nights of crying outweighs constant months of exhaustion and misery.

@ReliantRobyn

and poor wife

Send kids to grandma/anyone for the weekend and go to bed. This is killing you and you are going to be no use to anyone if you don't get your sleep.

Rinse and repeat so you can hold onto your sanity.

It may not solve the problem but you'll feel better.

The best of British!

Get an electric baby swing. My DS would get over tired and be a nightmare with naps. I got one of these and put it in the kitchen where he could see me. He hated the music but loved the click of the swing (which makes sense now as he has ASD). Worked a treat.

We had a door hung baby swing. Our cat used to run past it, turn around and run back through it again. Baby and cat played for ages like this. Kept them both amused for hours.

My second was like this, didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time until she was over 12 months old when she finally started to sleep with a pacifier. She was later diagnosed with autism, sensory processing disorder and ADHD, so there were reasons for her issues as a baby/toddler, we just weren't aware of them at the time.

I remember 8 months was hard for me too. Have a look into the 8 month sleep regression, it will pass.

That’s tough! Hang in there.

def get a sitter or family member for your 5yo birthday. And once a week, ya gotta take care of everyone. If you can afford it swap time with another mom (they may quickly figure out this is a bad deal for them, but the phase will pass and I hope you have a few friends!)

i wouldn’t worry about the naps. Out and about and fighting it is better than at home struggling and screaming, and maybe tire her out enough for a better one later. OR it will be a unintended form of the ‘cry it out, self soothing’.

does sound like LO has some serious FOMO (totally normal!). Cool dark room, with like you said white noise machines/fan whatever, in a baby cave /basement. Just where she won’t hear the 5 yo.

and honestly if it’s too much put her down safe and walk away. That’s best for both you and her. I get your husband is against the cry it out, lots of people are, and it sounds like he’s great and putting in the effort, not just dumping it on you and walking away ( he’s a keeper! Give that man a kiss !).

but put the baby down and walk away when you need it!

It's awful and I really really didn't enjoy this stage with our children.

We used paracetamol and ibuprofen for their sedative effects in this age group, figured they were obviously distressed so not wrong to give it, and it really helped get each of our 3 into a routine of comfort and sleep at a regular time. Although once settled into the routine we then had to wean them off the stuff!

It sounds awful for you and your husband. The baby probably feels how stressed you both are, which makes them more stressed (no blame)
Have you tried this technique? It looks like magic

This was my DD.

we stopped trying to make her nap at home and instead took advantage of the fact she'd sleep in the pram or car.

In the pram we'd then leave her in the shade in the garden. She slept best outside in the cool.

Occasionally DH would get her to sleep on a mattress on her floor by laying next to her with his arm over her (with her laying on her front, she always hated sleeping on her back) but it didn't work for me.

We didn't stick to stick nap times - once she started getting a bit cranky that would be our cue for nap time.

She's now 33m and will still only really nap in the car (or sat in the pram at nursery although she doesn't insist they take her anywhere in it!). Occasionally she will nap in my "princess bed" if Iay next to her. But it's much more bearable now!

I feel your pain. Don’t beat yourself up about using the "crutch" of the car or pram. When it comes to sleep if it works it works. You need that break and to not be pulling your hair out. It's no use to anyone.

Nothing is more important than your sanity and both you and baby being rested and getting the sleep you both need. If you can afford it (even if you can’t- save/ sell stuff!) then hire a sleep trainer.
it will change your lives.
I say this after 3 young DC- right now you’re in the right thick of it. You are so stressed and knackered yourself you can’t properly remove yourself and see what’s happening/ patterns/ things that might be leading to this or possible solutions. You’re in the fog. I’ve been there. Hire someone who does this round the clock to come in & see things objectively and give you the support, advice and confidence to tackle it in ways you can’t x

Please be careful. You are so fed up that I feel you’re losing sight of her as a person. I am passing no judgement onto you whatsoever, I’ve been there. It’s horrific. You need to go see a doctor, go with your husband. If need be, feign an infection, whatever you need to do. I believe this could end in disaster for your baby girl.
I believe she could be harmed. You are incredible, you are doing AMAZING. I commend you, cause I’ve been there. When your husband is away, the second he is next away I need you to lay the baby safely down in her crib and go and stuff your face with chocolate and call a doctor. In fact, screw that. I need you to take your baby, put her safely in the pram, car, whatever and take her to the nearest hospital. You are completely burned out and you guys need urgent help. If you show up at the hospital don’t hold back any emotion. I will repeat, this is not safe for your baby, this is a living hell for you. Until your husband is away, you will not touch the baby in anger, not even for a diaper change. Whenever you feel angry you will say I’m freaking amazing and I love insert your sweet baby’s name here with all my heart. I made an account for this, you can do this. Do as I say, and you and your baby will safely get through this. Again, I feel you, I love you, you are freaking amazing

@MissAnnie what?

Absolutely no.

What did you do, that worked??

You're taking a lot of out context here. She has said she is against CIO, not other methods to encourage better sleep. Calm down and relax.

WTAF!! Have a lie down

What sort of a birth did you have? Any
assistance with forceps or venture? I am a Women's health physio. I would try cranial osteopathy with your baby

This was us.

It does get better.

You created this baby. Only you and God can do that. The baby is yours to bring up, nurture, teach, guide through life.

You are responsible for the whole life of the infant you created. Someone cared for you. It is what mothers do. They go through the mill, grinding away, and at the end of it, they have a balanced person who loves and respects them. It just takes time, and patience, and your crotchety baby is already intelligent enough to mould you to the mum the baby wants. One of you has to give in most of the time, and baby has not yet learned that side of life.

This sounds tough but I hope you’re able to love your little baby. She isn’t being difficult on purpose she is only small and must be finding it very tough. You’re her whole world. Get the support you need but please don’t blame your wee one. She needs your love

I wonder if perhaps the 'supernanny' programmes make us look as though we haven't a clue. If you feel like that and failing, don't. It may look as though they are perfect: they are not. Don't beat yourself up. There is no set age for development in the real world. If you worry too much, your child may grow up with labels saying ADHD which take them through life. There are grown ups walking around now, quite normal, and reared before the labels were ever thought of.
One programme I watched was the 'supernanny' trying to train a baby not to want a bottle. There she was, oversized (what is her diet like? Are all her babies twice the size they should be/) sitting there drinking water from a sports type bottle with a cap which looked to a toddler much like a teat, swigging away at it and refusing to give the little one the bottle. That image is still with me, years later. What she would have thought of me meeting my son from school with his bottle on the back seat, I can imagine, but I wasn't the only mum, and let's face it, they leave the bottle at their own pace.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄