Dog on Guest Bed - WWYD?

[PoochProblem]

I have a dilemma in that a very dear long-term friend (who lives about 1.5 hours away) acquired a large dog during lockdown who sleeps in the same bed as him and won't tolerate being in a dog bed overnight.

My friend recognises that not everyone is comfortable with dogs in beds and, without asking, volunteers to sleep downstairs on an airbed with the pooch when he visits. But I don't think he gets a very good night's sleep, and that's putting him off coming to stay that often.

Whilst I'm pretty dog-friendly and like this dog a lot, he's pretty big, sheds hair, dribbles and - to be blunt - can have a strong odour. Also the guest bedroom is often used by my student son when he is back from uni, and he's not comfortable with the pooch sleeping in there. And of course, other people use the guest room occasionally.

I'd be more than happy if my friend's dog were to sleep in a basket in the bedroom of course. But my friend is a bit of a soft touch and gave into him coming into the bed.

Friend and I are unlikely to fall out about this - he's pretty easy going and we've been mates since student days (we're in our 50s). But he has been a very good friend over over the years, supporting me through a tough time recently, so I feel a bit conflicted about whether I should accommodate letting his dog sleep in the bed. The mattress is new if that makes any difference.

Any practical suggestions welcomed. Dog lovers, please be kind.

Have name changed because details may out me, but long term user (please don't make me say penis beaker or yoni massage).

YABU = suck it up and stop being precious. You should accommodate your friend's preferences.
YANBU = dogs belong in dog beds (when houseguests)

What variety of dog is this? I have a husky cross (with multiple other breeds!). Not drooly, not a very doggy smelling dog, but sheds like a MOFO. We offer take a robot hoover with us when we visit places and take brushes to deal with fluff. She's always bathed and brushed before we stay anywhere with her.

I think pragmatically, I'd ask DF to bring his own bedding if the dog is to sleep on the bed. Seems a fair compromise. Put a mattress protector on it, but ask him to bring a duvet and pillows with covers.

Also ask him to give the dog a bath and a brush - it's not a big ask, especially if it's a chronically stinky dog.

My parents dog is a doodle something and PONGS. He was stuffed into the bath (by me!) the day after he arrived for a visit last month... I have since washed every soft furnishing in the house including carpets because of the smell. Our pooch has such a different coat and doesn't hold onto stink in the same way.

I think you're overthinking this. I have a dog. She sleeps in a bed in my room or sometimes on my bed. I know not everyone else is comfortable with this so I ask if it's OK if she sleeps in my room in someone else's house. She is crate trained so can sleep in a crate in my room if easier. Failing that I am happy to sleep in the lounge with her. If none of those things work I can't visit with her. That's the reality of being a dog owner.

He says he's happy to sleep downstairs with the dog so let him. One night not sleeping too well isn't a disaster. Plus my dog can be unsettled in new places so sometimes I don't sleep well even if we're in a guest room. It's just not that big a deal. Do what works for you.

What would make your son happy to allow the dog in the bed?

I honestly think you’re making this harder than it has to be. Your friend got a dog. The dog is welcome but not upstairs. So your friend can choose to sleep downstairs.

If he comes less often because of the dog that’s his choice too. He could always choose to board the dog and come alone.

He's offered to sleep downstairs & I'd let him do that tbh.

It's only a 3hr round trip so might decide it's easier not to stay over?

I love dogs. Had them all my life. I don't let my dogs sleep in bed with me -my dogs don't even go upstairs in my house and I absolutely wouldn't expect them to in somebody else's house.

Waterproof mattress cover - they are not all 'plasticky' - we got one from Dunelm for an older relative that was quite soft fabric but definitely water proof. Then ask friend to bring his own bedding x

I really do think that having a mattress topper and washing it along with all the bedding after use will be fine.

If you’re not comfortable with that, your friend will have to accept that he can’t stay over. I love dogs but it’s your house so you get to choose what happens.

I love my dogs but I wouldn’t be offended if one of my friends told me they were not comfortable with them sleeping on their bed.

Gorgeous! One of the ones I sit for is a red lab! 🐶 (chocolate &yellow in other houses!!)

my mattress protectors from M & S have withstood heavy period floods, a whole cup of coffee with nothing going to the second one, let alone the mattress & they're cotton, not plasticy!!

I have big dogs, they sleep wherever the fuck they want in our home (which ironically is usually on their own beds downstairs unless they are very unsettled) but there no way in hell that I would expect any friends or family to accommodate them upstairs, let alone in a guest bed, I’d feel like I’d completely overstepped the mark.
your friend is fine on an air bed with his dog, so run with that.

Tell him not to bother coming if he expects you to let the dog sleep on one of your beds !

I think since it's your son's bedroom and he's not keen you need to continue with your friend sleeping on a blow-up bed with the dog when he comes to visit. He's the one that has decided to make a rod for his own back by sleeping with a dog.

TBH I think sleeping with your dog is pretty minging (such close contact with animals is why you get species to species transfer of viruses) and the only way I'd be happy to sleep in a room where there had been a dog was if there was no carpet or rugs, washable window dressings, a waterproof cover on the bed (John Lewis sell ones that are nice to sleep on, my kids have had them for years), the pillows and duvets were either dry cleaned or preferably different from when the dog was in the room. Basically all fabrics need washing or preferably replacing after the dog leaves. It's not fair to your son otherwise.

The previous owners of our house must have had pets in the room that then became my DDs' room. The house was spotless when we noved in but even after washing the carpet and constantly having the windows open it took several YEARS for the smell to completely disappear.

i would let the dog in the bed, use waterproof mattress protector, but get a new/different duvet and pillow for your ds. Keep the dogged set for your friend’s visits.

or alternatively can friend and dog sleep in your bed and you sleep in the spare, thus keeping it “clean”?

it would be extremely difficult to put a dog on the floor/in a dog bed when the dog is used to snuggling up to the person. The dog would be so confused.

don’t know if you want to spend the money but you could get a folding z bed do he could get a better nights sleep

I wouldn’t be having it in the bedroom

Personally I wouldn't even have it in my house !

There is no expectation. He knows that I am not a "doggy person" in that I'm not comfortable with being licked and stuff.
But I'm not dog averse. As a family we did adopt a small elderly dog (whose owner had died) who we had for a few years. She smelled a bit, shed hairs (didn't drool) but she slept in her little dog bed.

What about something like this on top off the duvet, I’ve used one before, all the hairs stay on the rug instead of the bedding

I wouldn't even have the dog in the house, let alone upstairs and certainly not on or in the bed.

YANBU OP, the dog stays downstairs, and your friend seems ok with that so keep it that way. You do not have to have a stinky dog in your guest bedroom.

Surely your friend bringing his own duvet cover/possibly even duvet is enough? And get a waterproof mattress cover if you don't already have one. I know labradors can be drooly but it won't be worse than if a child had an accident or any of the other things waterproof mattress covers were designed for?

When I stay my dog sleeps in a room with me, I put a large duvet cover on top of the duvet as an additional protection for the human bedding. He is always on top of the duvet; not tucked in! Poor deprived dog!

Tell him not to bother coming if he expects you to let the dog sleep on one of your beds !

🙄 Did you even read the OP. He doesn’t expect it and is a lovely friend. No wonder so many mumsnetters have no friends if that’s how they approach a situation, offended at nothing!

A mattress topper maybe with a waterproof mattress protector over the top would work. We got our waterproof protector from the same bed shop we got our mattress from. It wasn’t cheep but it works.

It's interesting that most of the votes are Yanbu, but a high proportion of the comments are saying just get a waterproof cover and separate bedding.

That's because people aren't voting on the specific differentiators you put at the bottom of your OP.

Most people don't want a smelly, drooling dog ruining their beds, but most people can also see ways around it that will help you.

Yes, I appreciate all the suggestions.

I don’t think he does expect this though. He says he’s happy to sleep on the airbed. Men can be quite relaxed about where they sleep! He’s probably just happy that you let him stay over with his dog. He’d probably sleep in the floor if he had to! I think you’re worrying unnecessarily OP.

I am a dog person - i adore my dogs, but they absolutely do not sleep in my bedroom or ever allowed on my bed. no

so nope, from me dog sleeps downstairs with his owner if necessary

that dog smell does not go - especially if its a big stinky breed!