How accurate you would say the whole ”women are choosing to be single” is?

[UserNROsingle]

There a lot of articles these days and my social media (could be algorithm, I know) seems to be full of women saying they rather stay single and comments filled with saying the same thing. Or big talks how women won’t tolerate awfyl behaviour/men anymore.

But, I gotta say, I’m not seeing this in real life. All the women I know are or want to be in relationships. I don’t know one strong or independent woman (nor a man for that matter). And many tolerate awful men and behaviour.

So, I don’t really understand why news keep pushing headline like this? Is it to try and provoke and anger men? Can someone explain?

OhamIreally · Today 13:12
I think purplebutterfly represents exactly that element of society that confers higher status on married women and she likes that feeling of higher status for herself.

She sees single people (women particularly I would say) as having a lower status.

I'm aware that a lot of people think like this and do find it hard to believe women can be happy single.

I don't really care what people think about my singledom. It's very freeing.

Absolutely all of this!

To be honest that “we pity you” diatribe is bizarre, I don’t know what would be behind that kind of vindictive response - or mindset - especially if you’re supposedly so content!

But certainly I agree that this is the kind of attitude single women encounter a lot. Live and let live perhaps?? Certainly don’t need your pity, absolutely hilarious!!! Could it just be that different people have different preferences/priorities/desired lifestyles perhaps??

One poster made this somehow about women needing to have chosen to never have dated - not sure why that would be relevant, of course most people don’t decide they don’t want something until they’ve actually tried it!

@Franga41

To be honest that “we pity you” diatribe is bizarre, I don’t know what would be behind that kind of vindictive response - or mindset - especially if you’re supposedly so content!

Utterly bizarre and breathtakingly unkind.

And as you rightly say if @PurpleButterflyWings is genuinely so content why on God's green earth does she feel the need to lash out in this way at women she supposedly pities.

It's almost like these kinds of women have been raised to be smug marrieds and they are furious that anyone else dares to crawl out from under their rock and challenge their place in the pecking order. Pathetic.

@OhamIreally another person completely agreeing with your interpretation of that strange post.
I was pitied in a performative way, occasionally, by women who weren't that secure.

I've been married, I've disentangled myself, I dated, I'm single, i took stock or assessed and my conclusion that I'm happy is one I've come to after experienced the full range of commitment/freedom. I know im ok because single feels like factory settings. Being in a relationship feels like living in a rented house. Not forever and a waste of money! And you know you have to move at some point.

You seriously think you can speak for all women everywhere! Of course you can't and the fact that you are claiming you can just proves that you are speaking nonsense.

Many women are happily married, many women are happily single, many married women wish they were single, many single women wish they were married, many women are envious of different aspects of both lifestyle choices.

CHOICES being the operative word - I have chosen to be single for life- many women do from the start, and many women try marriage, then decide they prefer single life.

Yes, lots of my married friends envy me, to different extents, yes I am completely happy single. Why would I have turned down every proposal I have ever had if I wanted to be married?

What a bonkers post. Why so defensive? And so angry. Other people make different choices in life and feel differently about things than you do. Why is that so threatening?

The thing that you don't seem to understand @PurpleButterflyWings is that most of us have been in long term relationships - I've had two, one in my 20's and the last one ending in my early 30's. So I know what I'm 'missing out on' and honestly, they weren't that great.

You're right, it may be unusual for people to reach a certain age and have never been in a relationship, but most of us have, and don't see what all the fuss is about.

Although I am happily married, with teenage DDs, and have no regrets, I am quite envious of single women from time to time - just the idea of not having to think about anyone else but yourself and go with your own priorities all the time. Also living in your own little place with no-one else's mess but your own. I'm sure I'm not the only one in my late 40s to feel this way!

You're right, it may be unusual for people to reach a certain age and have never been in a relationship, but most of us have, and don't see what all the fuss is about.

And it it’s totally fine if one hasn’t been.
No need for rudeness (from pwople like purplebutterfly).
That doesn’t make them bitter or angry.
And also see relationships aren’t for them/ worth the fuss.

Quite. I am actually in a long-term relationship (though not married, will never marry and will probably never cohabit). Lots of women want to have meaningful interactions with men but choose to have them on our own terms. I still class myself as single even though I'm technically in a LTR because a) I'm financially self-sufficient and I take on all responsibility for my child and b) emotionally I feel single in many ways.

I think a lot of these sorts of women like @PurpleButterflyWings like to see themselves as "special" because they think they have won the man lottery and they think single women are women who haven't been "picked" and like to sneer at us.

They cannot conceive that some of us have opted out of the man lottery and prefer it like that.

I’ve met some women like PurpleButterflyWings, they thought that there was nothing more important than being married and that they were failures if they didn’t marry. Not only did it make them incredibly boring to be around but they were downright unpleasant to any single women who went too close to “their”men, especially if they hadn’t got the ring on their finger yet. They very much pitied any woman who was single.

If anything is sad, it’s that mindset.

Im very happy being single (and I didn't think I would be when I got divorced.)

I can't think of a single reason to couple up again ever.

Even if the man had great looks, great personality, great chemistry, loads of money, I still don't think I would get into a relationship again.

Very happy to be me, alone not lonely.

I know loads of single women from those in their 20s to those in their 70s. They are single and thriving and happy. They have given many reasons including: not meeting the right person, being divorced and happy to be single, not ever needing or wanting to be in a relationship, now widowed but not wanting to have another relationship, etc.

I'm single by choice. I always get comments like, 'oh my god WHY are you single?' as if they can't believe a man doesn't want me 😂. I think they think it's a compliment but of course it reveals much about the mind set you demonstrate in your OP.
The truth is: I would feel diminished if I were in a relationship with the type of men I see many of my friends and family persevere with. It's not what I want. I want to be single.

I should add that I completely know my worth. I would be bringing a hell of a lot to the table were I to get involved in a relationship with someone. What do they have to offer me? Tbh nothing that I feel I'm missing out on!

I think you have hit the nail on the head there, @PurpleButterflyWings may well assess her own self worth according to the "status" of the man she has netted, so if other people don't consider having a partner as any sort of indicator of self worth, that is going to be an attack on her very foundations, I suppose

I'm happily single, but rare amongst my friends and colleagues. I can think of only one other in both categories. Unfortunately I know many, many women who are settling or staying settled with men they think are crap because they want (more) kids.

It depresses me but I hope on a societal level it is changing, as too many men just seem to be bringing nothing but sperm to the table.

To a certain degree I have chosen. Because in the world I live in it's a viable choice. If I'd lived further back I'd probably have married the ex boyfriend and we might well have worked out fine. Or I might have made more effort to find a man once we broke up.

There's no point pretending social norms don't affect our behaviour.

I think something that would make the marriage/cohabiting statistics take a real nose-dive would be if society shifted away from the 'we assume there are two parent &/or SAHP in the home' model so that more single women (and I suppose men who want children) could choose to be 'single parents by choice' (rather than as a result of divorce or widowing) without monumental obstacles in finding childcare, child-friendly working hours, and schools assuming there are always 2 parents or a SAHP when they set schedules or plan events. Where I live in the US we have come quite aways from when my DC were young, but there is still quite a way to go. For example, I had no problem finding year round daycare and plenty of summer day camps with good hours (6 or 7 am - 6 pm) but the schools still wanted to set parent/teacher conferences during 'prime' working hours rather than early-ish morning and late afternoon/evening and expected that there would be a parent to pick up a child at the drop of a hat rather than understanding that working parents can't just get up and leave their workplace. How much harder that all is for someone who has to handle it all on their own.

If a woman with an adequate income knew that if she chose to have a child on her own that she would find suitable daycare with work-friendly hours, a job that was flexible on shifts and leave, and schools that understood that a parent isn't always instantly available I think more women would choose to parent alone. I know there are jobs like that already but they're scarcer than hen's teeth. I worked in the US Civil Service and my job had all that and even as a 'married parent' it made parenting so much easier. But so many of my friends, married and single, had private sector jobs that made their parenting lives so much harder than they needed to be. But it will take a big 'societal shift' to accomplish all that.

I know we also need more of a 'societal morals' shift in accepting single by choice parenting as a viable alternative. Raising a child without a father (or mother) doesn't 'damage' the child as long as they have a good and loving parent at home and are raised with good opposite sex role models (grandparents, teachers, aunts/uncles).

I will now step off and yield my soapbox to the next speaker.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/22/is-housing-crisis-killing-romance-modern-dating-jane-austen

Here's another spin on it. People can't afford to be single.

There is now no region in England in which a woman on a median income can afford to rent by herself, according to 2019 figures from the Women’s Budget Group,

Depressing stuff

I’m single and happy. Not actively looking for anyone and to be honest, the thought of being in a relationship sounds exhausting.
I was with my ex for 10 years from 2009 -2019, and for now just I cannot be arsed making the effort with anyone new again.

I like being my own boss and not having to be perfect for anyone. I have enough going on in my life without a man expecting things from me too.

I’ve been single for nearly 11 years and I’m very happily so.
I work full time in a fulfilling career and have paid off my mortgage so I’m financially comfortable.
I’m a single parent to one child and frankly, I’ve no time or mental energy to put into a relationship even if I wanted one.
What I find weird though, is the ‘why are you still single?’ comments, and ‘you must get on line and find a man’. 🙄
No thanks. Frankly I don’t envy any of the relationships/marriages I see around me!

The thing is, on a burning planet teeming with 8 billion humans, who are killing off other worthy species by the day, very many of us adamantly do not want societal resources subsidizing human reproduction or making it easier. There should be more barriers to parenthood, not fewer, in public policy.

We are tragically far from ever having a shortage of human beings. Changes to immigration rules will solve any country's need for human labour for a century or more to come.

So, i wouldn't hold my breath that more taxpayers funds are going to be spent facilitating optional lifestyle choices such as parenthood.

I've had that - as you say, they think it's a compliment but the person to whom it was said about me passed on what had been said and I'm still bristling about it now, months later.

"Why hasn't she been snapped up?" was the comment, in response to me having baked a cake. Like I'm a commodity to be owned or a service provider to have the exclusive benefit of.

The person who said it is absolutely the sort of man who says they likes strong independent women, when what they really mean is that they want to show what a big man they are because they "brought her to heel" and made her dependent on him.

<shudders>

I'd say a much higher percentage of men (at least during a woman's fertile years) never have relationships (or hook ups) than women. Incel or otherwise.

Men who do have relationships always tend to have them though and women do choose them. I.e. the ones who can split with one partner and straight away find another. Probably the charmer types.

Women are more inclined to end one relationship or a marriage and then stay single for an indefinite period. Men are more inclined to never have a relationship in the first place.

As someone who can get a boyfriend tomorrow I do choose to be single rather than be with someone just to say I have a boyfriend

I think it's the algorithms. My SM is full of babies trying to nap, being shown how to do the perfect swaddle and all the toys you said you wouldn't get but now have. Not a single independent woman choosing to be single in sight. Lots of women choosing to have babies and their struggles.

The women I know who are single are not in love with anyone and if they did start to fall in love, I'm sure they would happily start a relationship.