How accurate you would say the whole ”women are choosing to be single” is?

[UserNROsingle]

There a lot of articles these days and my social media (could be algorithm, I know) seems to be full of women saying they rather stay single and comments filled with saying the same thing. Or big talks how women won’t tolerate awfyl behaviour/men anymore.

But, I gotta say, I’m not seeing this in real life. All the women I know are or want to be in relationships. I don’t know one strong or independent woman (nor a man for that matter). And many tolerate awful men and behaviour.

So, I don’t really understand why news keep pushing headline like this? Is it to try and provoke and anger men? Can someone explain?

You’ve made a good point, perhaps from the start you should have clarified the sort of “single” you mean and the responses would have been very different.

I’m in the demographic you are thinking of and I believe that 20s and 30s/early 40s women who are single and child free for the most part want a partner but the thing is they want a decent partner and before everyone was settling for anything whereas now many are being more picky .

If you are earning average or above average earnings and have a good social life, there’s no real obvious benefit in having an emotionally unavailable man who doesn’t pull his weight in the house and in some cases wants you to pay for most things too and basically brings down your quality of life.

Some really want a child or to be married at least once so put up with up but increasingly women are envisioning a different kind of future which might include kids by adoption or by sperm donor or just being the “cool rich aunty who travels ” to all their friends and families kids

You must give off rich vibes that I clearly don’t lol because no man has ever asked me for a penny

The sad thing is these men will probably find some desperate women out there with low self esteem who accept their outrageous demands. The fact that so many men are gold diggers and users nowadays is really not discussed enough.

All the women I know are or want to be in relationships. I don’t know one strong or independent woman (nor a man for that matter).

I voted YABU because you can be strong & independent and be or want to be in a relationship with another person. Being single is not a pre-requisite to be strong & independent.

The society that I live in
I don't need to be married or need a man to authorise

To have

Employment
Education
Mortgage
Loan
Contraception
Drive
Travel abroad
Have a child
Vote
Medical treatment
Have an opinion
Choose a religion
Choose the way to live your life
Etc

However, things would have been different 100 years ago

Similarly, some people in the world do not have the ability to do or choose some or all of the above

I’m single by choice. I love it. I have other friends in a similar position and others who are married. The marriages all seem pretty good ones although I appreciate you can never know for sure… so a mix!

Out of all my friends who have split from their long term partners or been widowed, none of them have been in another relationship. A few have tinder hook ups, and dates but no relationships.

The men have all immediately jumped into relationships.

do they? really?

Well then, your question makes no sense

You are asking about women who choose to be single life long

Average life expectancy for women is over 82 years, say the age to start looking for a partner is 18, so you are asking if more women want to be single now than did 64 years ago.....

when it was virtually impossible for a single woman to open a bank account, get a credit card or take out a mortgage....

These things did not become possible for most women until the mid 1970s, and even then, were technically possible, but still very very hard, you basically still needed a bank manager and a father who approved of lending to women....

So the previous cohort of women had little choice, and yes of course there are far more women in the 20-80 age range now who are free to make the decision to be single life long.

But that increase is not something you will be aware of in your life time. It is over a far bigger time scale than that.

Look at the thread for women saying they only ever went down the marriage and children route because it was expected, and they realise now that is was never what they personally wanted.

This is so true. I don’t think young women today have an inkling as to the restrictions that affected even their own Nans’ choices.

Definately true.

This, is the answer I think. Most woman want a relationship/kids. Once they've been there, done that, singledom looks much more appealing. I still think most young women want relationships/children. Millions of years of evolution at work.

I have found this a really interesting thread.

I am of the cohort of women in their fifties, divorced, had a child and realised a few years ago that I no longer wish to have a relationship with a man. I can't see how it would add to my life what with so many men expecting domestic and emotional labour.

I don't think society cares about women like me staying single. We have already provided sex and reproductive labour to a man and are no longer fertile or fuckable.

I do think society will care very much what younger women choose to do, however. The rise of the incel phenomenon where men are enraged at not having been 'allocated' a woman shows to me that women are already making the choice to not put up with men at any cost and it's not going down well at all in the manosphere.

@OhamIreally

I do think society will care very much what younger women choose to do, however. The rise of the incel phenomenon where men are enraged at not having been 'allocated' a woman shows to me that women are already making the choice to not put up with men at any cost and it's not going down well at all in the manosphere.

This is a really interesting point.

I'd slightly disagree that society cares less about older women: I think that older men tend to depend more on women than younger men do if anything -- they often become incredibly set in their ways and very dependent on women and I think men of that age (40s/50s and above) are likely to be more outraged at the prospect of female independence than younger men who have essentially grown up with it. Don't forget that a man of 40 or 50 is more likely to have been raised in a "traditional" household with a woman running around looking after him than a man of 20 or 30.

That said I do agree that the incel phenomenon reflects a frighteningly organised kind of backlash against female independence and one which has the potential to seriously derail progress. And you're right that female fertility (which by definition is a younger woman concern) is a really key battleground.

I agree with this.

I have had more male attention in my 50s than at any time since my 20s - and I think it is the divorced men ( and sometimes the still-married-by-the-skin-of-their-teeth men) looking for their next billet - and they see a single woman in their 50s as low hanging fruit, surely they will fall into bed and housework with a little bit of meaningless flattery and the occasional romantic gesture?

Such men are often quite surprised to be turned down

@orangeleavesinautumn

I have had more male attention in my 50s than at any time since my 20s - and I think it is the divorced men ( and sometimes the still-married-by-the-skin-of-their-teeth men) looking for their next billet - and they see a single woman in their 50s as low hanging fruit, surely they will fall into bed and housework with a little bit of meaningless flattery and the occasional romantic gesture?

Totally. Older men need older women far more than older women need older men.

One of the most egregious myths that younger women are sold is the idea that they will end up "on the shelf". Apart from the fact that its disgustingly misogynistic, it's wildly untrue.

A lot of divorced/separated men in their 40s are aimlessly floundering around looking for a woman to be Mum 3.0 as someone put it upthread. If you're in the market for such a man (and I'm not) finding one is like shooting fish in a barrel.

My dad is in his 70s and despite me trying to explain it, he can’t understand why there aren’t a line of fit, slim, healthy, attractive women in their 60s waiting to date him. He wants a maid he can travel with and well I don’t want to think about the rest.

@Thepeopleversuswork I'm always pleased to see your name on these threads as your replies are always interesting and well considered.

I do take your point about older men and their dependency on women. It's commonly observed I think that men try to get back into relationships quite quickly despite often protesting the contrary. For men in their 40's and 50's though I do think ideally they would achieve a woman in her 30's (or even 20's) if they were able.

So for me the cohort on which the Sauron's eye of society is still fixed is the young fertile one.

@OhamIreally oh bless you.

I agree that young fertile women could become such a political battleground. The incel phenomenon is one example of how this works informally. The prospect of an organised, political drive to get young women back into their boxes is truly frightening and you see some shades of this among the more frightening fringes of the US right. Let's hope none of our homegrown political parties decides to take up this cudgel.

Margaret Atwood, where are you when we need you!

Female independence seems to have caught the men napping. The majority simply haven't kept up and cannot cope with women not needing them and them having 'control'. Rather than adapt and see the advantages to everyone they are starting to double down. Look at the US and the over turning of Roe vs Wade. Look at Andrew Tate, look at how often we hear that women speaking out had gone too far.

It'll be interesting to see how China deals with their on going crisis where the 1 child rule was relaxed and it hasn't made the difference they hoped (interesting article on this in the Sunday Times yesterday, sorry can't link). They are now replacing the abortion clinics with ivf and fertility help.

Completely agree with you@UserNROsingle but ON HERE you always get multiple dozens of posters saying 'I'm so happy single ..... men are horrible .... I'm such an amazing free independent spirit... I don't need a man ... men are useless ... married women are just trapped in a cage, they're a slave to their men, they're a slave to their kids ... all married women I know are really unhappy ... all single women I know are really happy la la la la la, ' Ya know THAT kind of bullshit.

Then you get the shitty comments like 'lower classes and working classes seem to be in relationships more.. MY social circle of middle class professionals on £150K a year don't NEEEEEEEEEEED a man!!!' 😆

Just like you - the vast majority of women I know (or have ever known,) are in a long-term relationship/married, or have been in a long term relationship/ married at some time in their life. I don't think I know one single woman past their mid 30s, who's never been in a relationship ... And yes even in this day and age I do still find it strange for somebody to be mid 30s or older, and still be single (NEVER having been in a relationship.) People can dress it up how they like. It IS unusual.

And I also believe those particular women are not happy and DO secretly crave being in a relationship. You can tell the ones on here who are in this category; they spend SO much time insisting how wonderful life is SINGLE, and how they don't need a man. They even start threads announcing how amazing it is to be forever single too. And of COURSE they always know dozens of very unhappily married women, and dozens of very happily single women! 😂

@PurpleButterflyWings
You have completely misunderstood me.

I don’t disparage single women, or men.
By choice or not.
I support everyone living the way it fits them, single, casual, marriage, whatever.
I don’t have the distain you seem to have towards single people (or just women, perhaps?).
Ot wouldn’t even make sense.
In fact, I am the ’unusual’ one as you say.
Mid 30’s, never been in a relationship.

All I was asking, because I don’t know anyone else, if others have seen this ’women choose to remain single’ thing actually happening, outside of media and news.

Please, do not think I agree with you, or think like you do.

Goodness, what a rather unbalanced and immature response. Is it shocking to you that some women really do not ‘need’ a man/serious relationship? And it’s not all about money either? I can assure you, I have not (nor will) see a career earning me 150k alone a year. I live in a small terrace with second hand furniture. I’m catapulting towards 40 and had one serious relationship with a smattering of other boyfriends beforehand. I’ve seen enough, lived enough to be comfortable with the single life now. A little experience really does go a long way.

Gerrataere
I was just thinking that about the weird response but then wondered if I was being weird 😂

I'm married but I've always said if my marriage were to end for any reason, that would be it for me in terms of another relationship.
I wouldn't rule out fwb's though.

I am afraid you are showing your ignorance and prejudices here.

I am VERY happy single, and have been all my life - you seriously think I am lying? You think people who tell you that they are happy single are secretly craving a relationship?

I can assure you I am not. I have turned down proposals in the past, and it wouldn't surprise me to turn down more in the future.

You may not be able to imagine that, but that simply shows you have a very restricted imagination.

I am sure lots of women are happily married - good luck to them! My imagination is not so restricted that I can't believe other people want to live differently to me.

However, many of my married friends have told me they envy me. I know many of them do, to different extents