How accurate you would say the whole ”women are choosing to be single” is?

[UserNROsingle]

There a lot of articles these days and my social media (could be algorithm, I know) seems to be full of women saying they rather stay single and comments filled with saying the same thing. Or big talks how women won’t tolerate awfyl behaviour/men anymore.

But, I gotta say, I’m not seeing this in real life. All the women I know are or want to be in relationships. I don’t know one strong or independent woman (nor a man for that matter). And many tolerate awful men and behaviour.

So, I don’t really understand why news keep pushing headline like this? Is it to try and provoke and anger men? Can someone explain?

Yeah, overall I would say that while I know a few single by choice women, most aren't; they would like a relationship but haven't found someone they consider suitable. Some are happy enough alone, anyway, others less so.

I tend to think that for most part, the reason for increasing numbers of single women is down to other social factors rather than preference. There have always been some people that prefer things that way, but that number is pretty stable IMO.

Women have stepped up, as women generally do, and men, sadly, have stepped down. They are variously weak, selfish, petty, and lazy.

Yep. This is the money shot of this whole thread. Very very few men these days are actually life enhancing, particularly if you don’t need them financially.

Women have become so much more effective and self sufficient in recent decade and men have become far less effective and competent and there is so little the average man can add to this that justifies the compromise that being in a relationship requires.

Why bother?

Absolutely this. I’m in my 50’s with a wide social circle and out of my close fronds, only 1 is in a relationship and even that seems very unsettled at moment.

We've all been married, have adult children, have had the odd short relationship since our divorces and now realised we don’t want to live with a man again.

If someone great came along, then would be happy to date but that’s as far as it goes. I love the freedom of being on my own and it would take someone really special for me to give that up.

I’m single and happy about it, I honestly can’t see what a man could bring to my life that I don’t already have.

Maybe there is an element of not having met the right one yet, I’m not sure.

Agree with this. The quality of men has greatly declined in the past 30-40 years.

So many boys/young men have not been raised with decent role models.

And yet men have zero motivation to change, now, because no matter what a feckless loser they are, there is always some woman who will hook up with them, bear their children and, increasingly, financially support them.

People talk about "society" needs to change its "expecations." Well, women are 50 percent of society; when are they going to raise their rock-bottom standards for what makes a good mate and a good father for their offspring?

As long as they keep rewarding the loser with sex, housekeeping, money and children, the losers have zero reason to step up. And then they either tolerate or dump the loser and the cycle of poor or missing role models for the next batch of children continues.

I spent half my 20s intentionally single after a brief marriage. Started dating again in my late 20s, then though better of it and was single through my whole 30s and into my 40s. I'm happy on my own. I like myself I don't need validation for anyone else.

I've got two children. One happily married with kids, the other is happily single. Of my friends, five of them with children have a single and happy daughter in their families. They are all in their thirties, own their own homes, have good jobs, enjoy socialising and their own company but don't want a relationship.

@GraysPapaya I didn't say they were all shit. My ds will grow in to a decent kind man in just a few years. And I congratulate you on your good fortune.

But my experience of other men has not been positive,

I also said I would like to find a partner once ds has flown the nest, if I can find a decent one, but the odds are not good. Looking around my friends and colleagues, I'd say about 10% have been as lucky as you.

I’m a single (divorced), have teenagers and do the odd bit of internet dating here and there. Unfortunately the men I have met are mediocre at best, certainly not the type that I could imagine being in any meaningful relationship with. What surprised me most was how useless they are, in life generally and sometimes sexually. These are men 40+, I would be happy to meet a soul mate but I am not going to form a relationship with any of these men!

Two of my children are teenage boys and I do not run around after them like some of these middle men expect women to do. They clean their own rooms, can cook, manage their own time, tidy up after themselves. I wouldn’t want them to end up like the lazy bastards I’ve had the misfortune to meet.

Another thought: I wouldn’t risk my finances on a bad relationship. I’m extremely fortunate to have a decent chunk of money in equity in my house, plus a very good pension.

Like fuck am I risking losing any of that in a divorce.

MOST of those want relationships too

Maybe in your circle @boobot1, but not mine at all. I'm not sure for others.

Definitely not in mine either. I love the peace that being single brings.

I have a few single friends who seem to live happy fulfilled lives. I wouldn’t say they were single by choice but they just seemed to give up on dating and relationships. Sometimes I think it’s a bit sad, they have just kind of accepted a celibate life. It seems a bit strange for women in their 40s.

I think it depends what you want out of life.

I'm single by choice. I had a baby when I was 18. I've been single ever since then and I'm now 33. I've not been celibate but I do not want a serious relationship.

I've had bad experiences with men my entire life starting with my own father and ending with my abusive ex so I have a fairly low opinion of males in general. In my life I've been chatted up by more than one man who I knew was in a relationship/married. Only solidified my opinion.

I don't want any more children which is the reason why a lot of women I know want a relationship.

I do genuinely feel happy alone and I like my own company. My friends who have partners all want to spend time with me too so I never feel lonely.

The women I know who are unhappily single tend to have self esteem issues and keep picking the wrong bloke.

I love being single, for me it was a very positive choice. I have no regrets, and would make the same choice again, in fact I do make the same choice on a rolling basis!

As a kid I wanted to get married and have children. I have and I'm fulfilled.

TLDR: Now I have my kids I dont need a man.

Explanation...
I expect my husband and I will go the distance as i love him very much and we are very happy but over the last few years, I've realised that a man isnt everything.

if I am ever single again, I just have no interest in giving myself and my energy to a relationship. Much less one with jealousy, poor behaviour or laziness.

I like my own company, I'm very sociable and im good at getting out and about and meeting people or doing things alone and making my own entertainment.

I dont need romance anymore. I like having a thoughtful companion though. I don't need a man to share my bills, pay for my kids, woo me or adding to my dirty dishes.

I dont need to consider a mans allergies when choosing a pet, whether the bedroom light will disturb him if I read or whether he has locked the door.

In short, most men get more out of a relationship than they give so I see what's in it for them.

My husband is very good, but by mumsnet standards he sounds like a unicorn. I'd expect most other men to be like roast dinners... nice, but rarely worth the effort.

So, I'm not saying that there aren't women who are genuinely happy to be single, but it's a small percentage, but just like men. I haven't met a men who are really happy being single, it's just that with age it seems that they find it easier to find a partner.

Statistics on happiness completely disagree. Single women are far happier than women in couples/marriages.

I think it really depends on your circle. I’m early 30s and know lots of single women, but my close friends are a bit alternative/don’t have typical careers types so aren’t trying to settle down by 30/get married/have children. Not saying they’re better, it’s just not on their radar.

But I am still in touch with my school friends and it’s the opposite. Most are aiming for marriage, then children so I am the outlier there, having neither. A female friend recently said several of her friends offered to talk to her boyfriend about getting him to propose and could they help? As they’d been together 5 years and surely she must be getting antsy. She’s not bothered, but getting the ring is still a big deal for many women. You see it on here all the time, there are so many threads where a woman wants a ring and a proposal. So I think it’s definitely a minority.

Agree with most of this thread on being single and happy, its definitely more acceptable (or I just get the question less!) than 10 years ago. It's a tall order for a partner not to impinge on a very full and happy single life.

Interested that this hasn't come up though - I'm happily single and not actively looking, but on the odd occasion I've considered it, the sheer state of modern dating culture really puts me off. I have a group of 20 or so mid twenties to mid thirties friends and the sheer rubbishness of finding people I think probably plays a role too? We're all out and about lots but people don't approach others in bars like they used to, we go to a lot of hobbies and courses, but they're always all women or couples, occasionally meetups but the guys there are only on the prowl and not interested in treating you like a person and most of our jobs are static teams where dating in the team would be frowned on.

That leaves singles events which around here feels like a marketing ploy or badly organised i.e one I was dragged to was 30 to 50 years, all the men pushing the upper limit looking more like our dads, or the absolute cesspool of the dating apps/OLD.

I think the commodification of the dating culture and the way the apps make out you can "hook up" anywhere, anytime probably also has a had a big impact on how women are treated by men trying to date, and some women deciding they want no part of it?

Myself and many of my friends are happy being single male and female

I certainly do not want to live with a man again but wouldn’t mine a companion if one came along. But I don’t go out of my way to find one and online dating I find awful

some of my friends since peri menopause have gone off sex

all of us are less tolerate of men we don’t have time for games or to pander to the male ego, when I was younger this was part of the fun now I find it tedious

I think the commodification of the dating culture and the way the apps make out you can "hook up" anywhere, anytime probably also has a had a big impact on how women are treated by men trying to date, and some women deciding they want no part of it? I absolutely agree HouseIsOnFire

the bar is so low now, 15 years ago if I had been sent a dick pick I would have been shocked and blocked the contact. This happened once after swapping numbers. Now it’s the thing to do (when old I still blocked them) how the fuck has this become acceptable that women are treated with such little respect

This so very much, I even wonder if I was even ever straight or if it was all my biological clock and society’s expectations..

Agreed. By luck & years of hard work, I own a nice house in a nice rural area and a moderate pension. It gives people very odd ideas.

The last three men (before I gave up) became positively weird. One decided he would move in with me, rent his house out and then he could give up work!!

The 2nd asked to borrow a 6 figure sum in an unsecured loan (as if I have ever even seen that kind of money 😂).

I came home to find the third in my garden with the man from council planning, discussing whether planning permission on my garden was a possibility 😡

Now, if I date (rarely) , I tell them I'm house sitting for an elderly relative.

Dd is 27, not remotely interested in a relationship or children. Fabulous job, own flat, totally independent. Most of her friends are the same.
I'm delighted with her choices.