How accurate you would say the whole ”women are choosing to be single” is?

[UserNROsingle]

There a lot of articles these days and my social media (could be algorithm, I know) seems to be full of women saying they rather stay single and comments filled with saying the same thing. Or big talks how women won’t tolerate awfyl behaviour/men anymore.

But, I gotta say, I’m not seeing this in real life. All the women I know are or want to be in relationships. I don’t know one strong or independent woman (nor a man for that matter). And many tolerate awful men and behaviour.

So, I don’t really understand why news keep pushing headline like this? Is it to try and provoke and anger men? Can someone explain?

I’m very happily single, right now I can’t imagine being in a serious relationship with a man again. I just don’t have the energy for it, even thinking about giving myself emotionally or physically to a man again makes me shudder in all honesty. I never want to answer to or pick up after anyone that isn’t my child ever again.

My mother divorced before she was 30 and never had a serious relationship after. I know many women in many situations - a few longtime married/serious relationships (a couple are not happy but seem to carry on for their own reasons), a few happily single, one with a partner but refuses to live with him and it works for them - I actually only know two women off the top of my head that are genuinely unhappy unless they have a man. The ages of these women range from mid 20s to mid 40s. I think millennial women really recognise they do not have to put up with shit men so much, hopefully this will carry on as the generations move forward.

Well I chose to be single in my 20s, carried on choosing to be single in my 30s, continued to choose to be single in my 40s and am still choosing to be single in my 50s.

So have chosen a single life for 40 years so far, and will carry on choosing a single life in my 60s, 70s, and 80s.

So I don't know why it is in the news now, no, as my peers and I have been actively choosing this for the last 40 years....

I think once women become comfortable living alone, there's no looking back. I know women who jump out of one relationship only to try and instantly seek out another, they don't give themselves enough time to adapt to single life.
I am in my 50s and find being single very freeing. I have no desire to partner up. I have single friends of a similar age, some of them are would like to find someone, others are happy doing their own thing. I think it's probably easier being happily single this age as no pressure.

I think women are far more likely these days to stay single than couple up with a 'good enough but not great' partner

And yes, if you've lived happily alone, for many women it's going to take someone special to give that up. I think everyone should have a spell of solo living, but am aware it's not exactly financially viable in many cases.

I’ve chosen to stay single after I divorced my kids dad and it’s been over ten years now. I’ve seen friends become single and become twosomes and blended families but it seems far too annoying. Single life seems so peaceful compared. I would hate to compromise about things.

“But, I gotta say, I’m not seeing this in real life. All the women I know are or want to be in relationships.”

^This is my experience too. The single ladies I know all want to be in a relationship.

I wouldn't say that I 'choose' to currently be single but I'm perfectly content being so. I have a good job, lovely home, friends and support system. As other PP have said, it would need to be a man who would add to that and in a scenario where we'd enrich each other's lives. I don't have any more energy for games or cheating or entitlement. I'm not actively looking (no apps etc) but if a lovely man suddenly showed up, I'd absolutely go for it.

Is that me 'choosing'? I don't think so. It just happens to be the situation I'm in and I'm ok with it. And to be honest, genuinely happy marriages among my friends don't seem to be the norm.

Totally agree! My cousin chose not to get seriously involved with a man whilst she was raising her children, but she always felt that she 'needed' to be in a relationship and considered herself in 'deferred status' as it were. Once her kids were grown she immediately threw herself back into the dating world to find 'Mr Right' and had a series of from-terrible-to-very-disappointing relationships. She pulled out of dating and started to work on herself and her self-esteem. Once she realized that (as the old 70s saying goes) that 'a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle' she realized how happy she was calling all her own shots.

She'll occasionally 'date' casually but doesn't want a serious relationship. She says what's crazy is that now that she's happier on her own all the men she goes out with 'as friends' want to pin her down!

How old are they though?

I think post divorce/kids/menopause your outlook on men is very different…

Theres sort of not much point to them after you’ve had kids unless you need money.

Yes, it seems that the running theme is that women who have already done the marriage and kids thing are fine being single.
I’m not at the age group yet, so that’s why I didn’t consider this option.
I was more curious of women who don’t care about things at all, at any point.
I wouldn’t say divorced/single parent is the same as never married/childfree/less is the same thing.

Only few commentors have said their happy single, never married-no kids kind of way.

So from my perspective I opt to be on a relationship with a man who behaves like a decent human being & adds value to my world (& vice versa of course). as soon as this situation changes they get kicked into touch as I prefer to be single rather than putting up with a whiny man child (which many of them turn out to be).

women tend to be less tolerant of men’s bullshit these days. Men who want to pin you down are often looking for a replacement mother.

@UserNROsingle

I think when you are of childbearing age it’s very hard to pick out what you actually want from what society tells you you ought to want.

Some women desperately want to have loads of babies and get married and pregnant at almost any cost.

Most of us have some degree of ambiguity about it and a lot of us go along with the process of marriage and kids just because it’s default and everyone says it will make you happy.

Thing is no one really knows until they try. But it takes a very singleminded person so put up with the relentless “why are you single? When are you going to have babies?” Etc.

Unless they actively know they never want kids a lot of women assume they will regret not having them more. Often they are wrong.

Have been single since my late 20s (so for 20 years now). In the beginning a felt I was single because I hadn't met the right person. Got to early 30s and still hadn't met the right person. Decided to have a child solo, rather than wait for the right person any longer.

Dating didn't hold any attraction whilst raising my ds alone, so stayed single. Now late 40s and I have been single and independent for so long I couldn't imagine going through the hassle of dating. Can't see what a partner could bring to my life as nothing is missing. Feel like I would lose more than a I could possibly gain from having a relationship.

Therefore made the decision a couple of years back that I will be single forever. Have everything I need in my life right now, so why rock the boat?

I don't know many single women (I'm 44), but I am single by choice.

I do have young-ish DC, so maybe that's a factor, but not looking to date and I'm happier on my own.

I think past relationships have definitely informed this choice and I'm sure my friends feel a bit 'sorry' for me, being on my 'own', but I'm happy with life. And, I've grown accustomed to relishing being content without a man or woman in the frame.

I have a few good male friends and I'm comfortable with the boundaries in those friendships.

I don't miss sex or the complications I bring to the table within any romantic encounter, so I can't imagine me changing things in the foreseeable future.

So, I don’t really understand why news keep pushing headline like this? Is it to try and provoke and anger men?

You do realise that how men feel about strong women who want to remain single has no relevance. Do you seriously think a woman would choose to life her life happily alone to ‘get back’ at men? Get your head out of the patriarchy’s arse!

MY DM, whose partner died when she was 57, he was 72, has never had another serious relationship. Her flippant but truthful answer is that she didn't want to be a nurse or a housekeeper. She's now 88, and has not changed her mind. A gentlemanly companion for meals out, holidays etc she would have enjoyed, but not enough to make her change her mind. Older men seem only to want women to wash and cook and clean. So they can fuck right off, from two generations.

Exactly.

Most of my friends and prosperous colleagues are single. We like men and enjoy dating but prefer financial independence and refuse to put up with bullshit.

It's a pretty good life.

I don’t know one strong or independent woman

I'm strong and independent. I'm also married.

I'm the breadwinner I'm our household and could live a financially comfortable life on my own. There's nothing I can't do - I've just spent the day doing some wallpapering in our bedroom. I love my own company and have done holidays, dinners, cinema trips, day trips and a long overseas secondment with my job - on my own.

@boobot1

Women and men are always going to want relationships and children, we are biologically programmed that way. The ones who dont are outliers no matter what the media tells us.

Some women and men are always going to want children for sure. But people are rewriting the rules that dictate how they have and support children.

Historically and until recently women needed men both from a financial and a societal perspective in order to have children. Having children alone was usually prohibitively expensive, very difficult and frowned upon morally.

That is changing: plenty of women these days earn enough to support their children without men being involved and the taboos around single mothers have weakened significantly. Marriage is now a useful insurance policy for anyone planning not to work for a period post children. Aside from that it’s an irrelevance and if you have your own money it’s usually a negative. Long term marriage suits men more than women and a solvent woman has more to lose than to gain from it.

The problem is that the societal expectations haven’t moved at the pace of women’s financial advancement so there’s still a lot of legacy societal pressure on women to do it because it’s still seen by many as a woman’s ultimate goal.

I think most women do much better on their own than in marriages and my belief and fervent hope is that this will become the new normal and marriage will be downgraded to a financial fix. I think it is already happening and long may it continue. I’m really excited to think that it may not even cross my daughter’s mind to think about marriage.

You don't know one strong woman? Are you strong yourself?!

You do realise that how men feel about strong women who want to remain single has no relevance. Do you seriously think a woman would choose to life her life happily alone to ‘get back’ at men?

I’ve said no such thing. No idea how you got that from anything I’ve written.

Get your head out of the patriarchy’s arse!

That’s certainly not where my head is located.
And even if i believe what you think I believe, it would still be againts the patriarchy.
Considering the patriarchy want, demands pretty much, womwn to date men, have sex with them, marry and have children with men.
So, even if a woman chosen to not to do these things just out of spite or whatever, it would still be againts patriarchy.

I think the issue is that most hetero women would like ( in theory) to have a nice man to share their lives with, but the reality is that very very few men nowadays are worth it. I think of my grandads, who was really good men- strong, caring, responsible, and don't see those qualities in modern day men generally. Most of my friends ( 40s) are with men who don't equal them.
Women have stepped up, as women generally do, and men, sadly, have stepped down. They are variously weak, selfish, petty, and lazy.

This is it, basically. We have the option and we choose to exercise it.

In the past a woman generally needed a man to survive financially and socially.

I’m a single woman with no intention of finding or being in a relationship. It’s just not for me and I enjoy my independence and living my own life.