How accurate you would say the whole ”women are choosing to be single” is?

[UserNROsingle]

There a lot of articles these days and my social media (could be algorithm, I know) seems to be full of women saying they rather stay single and comments filled with saying the same thing. Or big talks how women won’t tolerate awfyl behaviour/men anymore.

But, I gotta say, I’m not seeing this in real life. All the women I know are or want to be in relationships. I don’t know one strong or independent woman (nor a man for that matter). And many tolerate awful men and behaviour.

So, I don’t really understand why news keep pushing headline like this? Is it to try and provoke and anger men? Can someone explain?

I'm long term single (late 30's), although I don't want kids so I think that takes the pressure off.

If a really great guy came along who enhanced my life it would be great, but the chances of that are slim, so I'm not actually looking, and am pretty happy building my life as a single person.

So I guess I'm choosing to be single in that I'm not actively on any dating sites or 'putting myself out there', but if I happened upon someone in my social circle who I connected with I wouldn't be put off.

I don't know any of these women in real life but I also don't see any articles about this, so I think it's a case of algorithms feeding you what they think you're interested in once you've read one.

Once you get towards 50 and divorced that does change.

I don’t tolerate awful behaviour from anyone, especially not men.

But I still prefer being in a (good) relationship to being single. I had the wildest few years as single woman in my 20s - wouldn’t change them for anything - but now in my early 30s I am so so so grateful to have DP.

Find yourself a man who’s the cherry on top. 💜

I think that many/most women who have never been through a really bad break-up or divorce probably still want to be 'partnered up'. And there are just some women who 'have to have a man' or haven't yet had children and want them.

But when I look around me (and I'm in my '60s) I see that most of my single friends (and their 30+ y/o daughters) who have been in bad marriages or had really bad break ups simply don't want to be 'coupled up' again. They wouldn't mind a 'companion' but they want to live independently and have 100% control over their lives. And they say there aren't that many men out there who are willing to 'companion' a woman who sets her own rules.

The same can be said for many of my & my late mum's widowed friends who actually had happy marriages. They just don't want to be tied down again. I feel the same. DH is a lovely man and I love him to bits, but if I were to be widowed I would never marry nor cohabit again.

Me too.

I’m a divorced woman in my 40s and I’m in a great relationship. And we met on a dating app! Tinder! 😁

I've chosen to stay single. I love my life and my freedom.

I agree with everyone who has said it isn't about deliberately choosing to be single but more about not putting up with crappy men and crappy relationships. The bottom line is women are able to be financially independent in ways that would not have been possible not so long ago, so we set the bar for relationships much higher. And rightly so. I'm 55, I was married for 20 years, we were together 25. Last 5 years of the relationship were absolute hell. Right now my kids are yound adults living their lives, I have a nice home, good job, cats and a good social circle so a man would have to be bloody special for me to let him into all that.

Women have more choices now - not that long ago women found it hard to get mortgages on their own or earn enough money to live independently. Subsequently a lot of women are deciding that they’re happier alone than in a bad relationship and, let’s face it, there’s a lot of crap men out there. Why compromise if you don’t need to?

Yes, some women will always want children but a number of those will compromise - sometimes hugely - in order to have them. How often is it seen here that a woman is in a crap relationship with a man who has no intention of changing his life, won’t take on any of the mental load and they have not one but several children together?

It is about actively choosing to be single for lots of women. Not all of them, but enough. Don't discount them as a group.

I’m a woman.

Not sure how this is ’weird take for a woman’.
All I was saying that what I read, doesn’t really correlate with what I - personally - am seeing.
And that was I asked how accurate others think this is, based on people in their lives.

In my opinion it is because they have crashed into the famous 'wall'.

I have an aunt (my grandfather's sister) who when she was young was very advanced for her time. She drove, traveled alone, finished a degree at the university and also reached her 30th birthday with two apartments bought. She was also physically beautiful, one of those women who attracts everyone's attention. She logically had a lot of suitors, couples and on two occasions she was asked for marriage but for her no man was good enough (according to my mother, she only dated attractive and successful men). Today she is in her 70's and she openly regrets that she never married any of those good men, or had children.

Now she have a boyfriend 20 years younger who just takes advantage of her. He is married and he tells her the classic story of 'I don't divorce because of the children' (Yes, children in their 20s)and he just spend all her money... Sad end for someone who has everything!

So, I'm not saying that there aren't women who are genuinely happy to be single, but it's a small percentage, but just like men. I haven't met a men who are really happy being single, it's just that with age it seems that they find it easier to find a partner.

This is just a dream group of friends!
How amazing!

Agree with all you have said especially this:

The same can be said for many of my & my late mum's widowed friends who actually had happy marriages. They just don't want to be tied down again. I feel the same. DH is a lovely man and I love him to bits, but if I were to be widowed I would never marry nor cohabit again.

I wouldn’t want to go through the dating scene again with children nor consider dating until they were adults. If I were to meet someone, it would be nice but not going to go out of my way to do so.

I came on to say this. I know many of my peers 40-ish mums who are just done looking after everyone. I could maybe see myself in another relationship but i would have no interest in living together.

Women have more choices now - not that long ago women found it hard to get mortgages on their own or earn enough money to live independently. Subsequently a lot of women are deciding that they’re happier alone than in a bad relationship and, let’s face it, there’s a lot of crap men out there. Why compromise if you don’t need to?

This is spot on. I think a lot of the orientation towards having to be in a relationship is a hangover from the days when unmarried women were frowned upon by society. A few women are also concerned about the financial implications of living alone. But the taboo is definitely fading

I have two close friends (one late 40s one early 50s) who have made an active choice not to be in any more relationships. The cost/benefit analysis for them is that it just isn't worth it. If you're a solvent woman with a career and a good life then a man has to be really reallly additive to this to be worth the disruption and compromise.

I myself was a single mother for about eight years after my marriage broke down and it was one of the happiest periods of my life. I'm now in a (non-cohabiting) relationship because I met someone who enhanced by life but if I wasn't with him I probably wouldn't bother again.

I think it's partly a factor of age as well tbh: up until the mid-late 30s the pressure on women to be in relationships (in order to have kids) is absolutely punishing. It drives many women to make very unsatisfactory compromises because they think "this is as good as it gets" and it takes a very strong-minded and independent person to see past that. Very very few of the men my friends have settled down with are worthy of them: I think of my contemporaries I can think of perhaps two who have men who I think actually enhance their lives. For most people marriage is hugely oversold.

When you emerge from that, either from divorce or because you don't meet the right person and make peace with it, it's a glorious release. Many women of my age (perimenopause and past) have enough going on in their lives, enough financial comfort and freedom that adding a man to the mix really has to clear a very high bar to be worth it and most of them aren't.

The joys of the single life are one of the biggest and best-kept secrets in modern life and I'm happy to say I think more and more women will embrace it.

I've been single for the last 13 years.

I have my own house, job, car pension. I enjoy my house staying clean, no drunkenness, no porn, being able to eat healthy food and not need to cook a huge slab of dead animal every day. DS is growing up without all the nasty brainless misogynistic influences. And my house is Jeremy Clarkson free. 😄

DS is happy & healthy. Kind and intelligent.

I'd like to share my life with a partner once DS is grown and gone, but any man would need to add something positive to my life, and sadly, most men don't.

I know 1 woman who's 70, and hasn't had a partner for past 15 years. She said her life got better when she gave up men, and sex. She looks great, nowhere near her age. She has friends hobbies and a social life.

Happily single sounds good but in real life I don't believe it's common for women to pursue that. It's easy to talk a big talk online tho. My single friends are single simply because they've not found anyone worth being with.

Maybe 'halfway single?'. I have a long-term partner but we don't live together. I've been married previously, still get on with ExH but I know that categorically, I don't want to live with a man again. I like my own space and routines too much. DP is fine with this. We live 15 minutes down the road from each other.

I already know if I finished with DP I wouldn't be bothered to date again. I'm ok with my cats. I imagine there are older divorced women who cba with men anymore and are happily single

I am happily married. If something happens to him I'll just be single. Too many men wants a woman to be their caretaker/housekeeper/bangmaid. For free, obviously. Also they don't want to remember her birthday or show her any respect. I don't want a partner who will be a chore, an expense and a source of aggravation.

I think it’s your algorithm, but if you don’t know any happily single people then widen your circle. I agree most people would rather be in a relationship in an ideal world.. but it’s so hard to find a good one, I think plenty are pretty happy without, and some certainly sworn off them for ever.

Its generational. How old are you OP?

Millennials definitely have many more strong independent women who live much happier, wealthy and fulfilled lives without men

I'm happily married with children, but I also spent a few years living alone before I met my husband. If anything happened to him or our marriage, I am confident that I would not actively seek another relationship, particularly a live-in partner.

Living alone was lovely.

Its generational. How old are you OP?

I’m in my mid 30’s.
Perhaps that’s why everyone is in the thick of it.
Still of the generation/age that grew-up being told that marriage/men/kids is the ’right way’ to live.
Not many role models of any other way to live and are or starting the last panic attempt to conventional lifestyle, or already there.

@MintJulia not all boys who grow up with Dads do so surrounded by misogyny! My DH is one of the biggest supporters of feminism and often supports my career, to his own detriment.

It’s great women are happy being single, but let’s not turn this into a thread where we say all men are shit, they’re really not!