It's already started

[Haruka]

Oh my.

Day two of the official start to the holiday. Already, I have heard two sets of parents utter the exact same thing to their poor kids. "Can't wait until you're back at school". One this morning, another dad on Friday at pick-up, the literal beginning of the holidays, saying he'll celebrate the day they go back in September.

Yes, I'm being a massive judgey-pants, but the holidays are 6 weeks long and some people can't even stand to be around their kids for a day, let alone the weeks yet to come?

I don't know, it makes me so sad. And while everyone gets annoyed by their kids at some point, you don't openly tell them you wish they were somewhere else?

Pretty sure IANBU, but it's every holiday I hear this kind of thing and every time it gets me.

💯

FourTeaFallOut
Are you a SAHM? It's totally different you have to find (and pay) for 6 weeks childcare for 3.I was lucky in that I could take 3 weeks and DH could take 3 weeks but my friends had very expensive childcare bills.

Some people only like their kids when they're under 5

I think your attitude may be different based on whether you have the luxury of a stay at home parent, grandparents who aren't working and having the grandkids etc or whether you are juggling childcare, keeping the kids quiet whilst you work from home and struggling with the costs

I work from home but the workload is light at this time of year. But I was just responding to JSMA's post whole suggested those enjoying the holidays had solo kids.

Completely the wrong thing to say to kids, but as most parents are juggling childcare for most of the summer it is rarely idyllic.

I was lucky in that I worked from home in a flexible job but it was still stressful as I had to get the work done, lots of late nights working and getting up early and putting tv on. Parents helped a bit but more if we were desperate than routinely. Booked some sports clubs too but obviously they cost and it was hard to persuade kids to attend unless friends were going.

Took 2 weeks off over summer at same time as husband so we could take camping hols as family. I know some families who never get quality family time as they share out hols to cover chilcare.

'Who' suggested - fat fingers, tiny keyboard, overzealous autocorrect.

I liked my kids when they were under five, I still like them now they are teens.

I hate hearing this too. Summer holidays for me as a child meant being left home alone with my siblings for 5 of the 6 weeks. Bored out of my brain and feeling incredibly lonely.
I took a pretty low paid job in a school so I can have the holidays off and spend them with my DC. We go to the playground or take a picnic out. Today we have made dens in the lounge and they are reading a book in there.
Nothing fancy, just being together. Hopefully their memories of the school holidays will be happier than mine.

Yanbu in that they shouldn’t be saying that to their kids.

but I feel the struggle too. It’s not a 6 week family time in our house. ADHD daughter massively struggles with the change in routine and is VERY hard work. We are only able to get a week of annual leave so the other 5 weeks is a mix of holiday club and time with grandma.

we very much enjoy the time we get together and do fun stuff but the rest of it is expensive, hard work and stressful.

But what about those parents who work?

I don't also get 6 weeks annual leave over the summer to spend with my kids.

The whole thing would be a lot less stressful if I did.

Also, no, spending the summer holidays wasn't something that even crossed my mind when deciding to have kids.

FourTeaFallOut
Yep,I've heard it plenty of times myself.Asking how I coped with 3 in the hols,you just do and it was good fun.
Hope you enjoy the summer.

I'm only just catching up with the thread, so haven't read all of the responses yet.

Yes, I work full-time and I do it without a support network (my family lives abroad), but I do have the luxury of not having to work during the 6 weeks. It also means no downtime for me; the eldest is a teen, the youngest in infant school, so I am with them pretty much 24/7 because one wakes up early and the eldest goes to bed late.

But I love it. As I said, no money, but we fill our days, and we did so even when I didn't drive.

I get it's stressful, but on the first day? And no matter what, I have experienced the damage such remarks can do over time first-hand (my mother made it very clear how unwanted I was on many levels), so I wouldn't wish that on any child. In many cases, I am not surprised the kids then act out.

Thanks.

I do think it is ridiculously hard for families trying to cover the summer holidays by cobbling together their own holidays and summer childcare provision. So I know I'm really lucky in that regard.

But I'm out of patience with this idea propagated by posters on here that those with more children have accidentally and foolishly stumbled into a miserable half life.

Yanbu.

Yes, I understand how stressful and hard it is when they’re off and everyone gets under each others feet, and there are boring days, food costs go up etc… working parents have to sort childcare out, parents at home have to constantly find things to do to entertain them and money doesn’t grow on trees to constantly go out, the house becomes messier than normal. It’s all a big change to routines. But it’s all part and parcel of choosing to have kids.

I’m a single mum of 4, two with SN (one of them had severe behavioural problems), so it’s not always easy. But even I’m still looking forward to the good and happy days we will have together amongst the bad days that I know we will also have. Yes by week 5 I will be looking forward to a well deserved break, but it’s day 1! No point in focusing on September right now, is there?

I really enjoy them being off and not having to worry about everything to do with school. No homework and no stressful school runs. So it’s always a great time to slow down and channel my energy/focus on quality time together. Bad days and all.

I fully know what mental load is and bear all of it with my children, but much like the OP of that thread I don't think it's all that much of a chore. But then I've always been highly organised - being autistic has helped me there 🤷‍♀️

So yeah, must be more of us.

On what planet, exactly?

I may have MC origins, but by now my life would fit much better into a WC category - single income, not much spare money, live on a (mostly) council estate, no support network.

One of my children is diagnosed ASD, as am I, while I strongly suspect that another has ADHD (all signs are there, though my ASD started out similarly, so I am just observing for now).

If anything, people with NT children have it easier than me on paper. Still doesn't detract from the point of this thread 🤷‍♀️

This^ you spend (waste) so much money taking them out and then have to get through a fucking tat shop.

Did you have a nice day out?

No, Mummy wouldn't buy me [insert item here]

Just fuck off!

Me!

And then once they're about 15 :)

wineschmine · Today 13:14
orangeleavesinautumn · Today 09:25

YANBU Summer holidays should be the highlight of the family year - so much time together -surely that is why people have children in the first place.
But what about those parents who work?

I don't also get 6 weeks annual leave over the summer to spend with my kids.

The whole thing would be a lot less stressful if I did.

“Also, no, spending the summer holidays wasn't something that even crossed my mind when deciding to have kids.”

Really? That practicality didn’t cross your mind at all?

You sound like a lovely parent OP.

Its just a shame there isn’t more parents like you.

I agree op.

I wouldn't judge a parent for thinking that the holidays can be difficult in terms of childcare, entertainment and expense - but saying it to your kids is horrible and there's no context that makes it less horrible. Children should feel as if their company is valued, as if they're liked.

the first week i remember was hardest while we all adjust to the different pace
the last week similarly hard as you are tired and fed up and stressed about back to school

I think many people need to learn some empathy- many people love their kids dearly but struggle in holidays because of work arrangements and childcare. There are many who did have self employed/freelance jobs that gave them that flexibility but covid and/or Brexit put an end to their business and they now have limited AL that they couldn't have envisaged. Not everyone has a WFH job- not everyone has family/friends locally who can help or you can pack them off to for a few weeks and not everywhere has good and affordable holiday clubs. Far more women are working full time or as near as than when I was a child - whether or not you can actually enjoy these long holiday periods is a really individual thing depending on your circumstances and saying 'why have kids' doesn't show much understanding. I heard a mum say this in a cafe, I know this mums circumstances- shesa single mum, doesn't work, claims benefits and gets very good maintanance too- cheek doesn't cover it as far as I'm concerned.

people can't help if they feel such a way due to circumstances, but talking like this in front of their offspring is tactless, horrible and unnecessary.