It's already started

[Haruka]

Oh my.

Day two of the official start to the holiday. Already, I have heard two sets of parents utter the exact same thing to their poor kids. "Can't wait until you're back at school". One this morning, another dad on Friday at pick-up, the literal beginning of the holidays, saying he'll celebrate the day they go back in September.

Yes, I'm being a massive judgey-pants, but the holidays are 6 weeks long and some people can't even stand to be around their kids for a day, let alone the weeks yet to come?

I don't know, it makes me so sad. And while everyone gets annoyed by their kids at some point, you don't openly tell them you wish they were somewhere else?

Pretty sure IANBU, but it's every holiday I hear this kind of thing and every time it gets me.

I love my kids more than life itself but fuck me, six weeks of them could be hard going. My son in particular has this talent of being able to try the very patience of the most saintly of MN mothers.

Op, as someone with children who are ND, can you not see how others can struggle? Really?!

my son hates the holidays. He’s obsessed with the countdown back to school. And so am I. We count down the days together because we know together life is marginally easier and happier when we both have our routines. I love him and tell him all the time, but that doesn’t mean
i want as easy as life as possible for us. We joke
together about wanting the holidays to end. Doesn’t mean we love each other any less, we just want our routine and structure!

and for those saying ‘don’t have kids if you don’t enjoy them’ that’s just so incredibly narrow minded, have some damn empathy for other people and realise your situation isn’t something every parent experiences.

‘and for those saying ‘don’t have kids if you don’t enjoy them’ that’s just so incredibly narrow minded, have some damn empathy for other people and realise your situation isn’t something every parent experiences’

It is such a thick thing to say to people. Firstly not to realise that everyone’s situation is different. Secondly to think that parenting can be judged on one six week period a year. And thirdly to not have the emotional intelligence to sympathise with people struggling.

I liked the summer holidays overall. But I get why many don’t.

I have 3 and 2 of them have autism. Still loved the holidays, which is why I'm hoping to be there for my youngest when he starts primary school.

Saw this and thought of this thread

Well, I’m a teacher. Have some stuff planned and some will play by ear. Weather awful so watching a film whilst one child bakes. Autistic teen had a full on meltdown on day 1 as her usual clubs are now off for the holidays and I guess the not knowing isn’t great. We did have younger child clubs to go to as they are all year round. Day 2 autistic teen was very grumpy in the morning but seemed more chilled afternoon when we went and did some holiday shopping: she’s definitely more chilled today and happy just watching telly - and also YouTube clips of where we are going on holiday. I used to schedule every minute of the summer but now they’re older I don’t plan as much. I can see why the 6 weeks is very daunting to families who have to sort out childcare or who aren’t used to spending so much time at once with children. I found the younger years quite exhausting. And the comment about people wanting kids so shouldn’t be stressed, we don’t know how we will react to having children until we have them. Some people have this ideal image and then reality is the opposite.

Wow lucky you. I’m a single mum, 4 noisy boys who I absolutely adore, but the holidays are tough. They fight and argue and eat all the food whilst I have to juggle work and finances on my own. Life is easier with a routine but saying that I plan well ahead and they’re booked into soccer school for 3 weeks with their friends which they love. It’s a win win.

YABU for saying “judgey-pants” 🤮

YANBU. I think parents being able to vent freely is super important and necessary, but saying it to kids is uncalled for and damaging imo.

That's pretty impressive that you work full time, keep the kids constantly entertained and have time to write a judgy thread!

So you work full-time, but don’t work over the summer holidays. And you can’t possibly cast around in your mind for any reason why other parents might find them tough?

I am severely lacking funds to do anything with my children this year due to becoming a single mum. Their dad currently cannot have them at all and he's also messing me about financially. So if the weather is bad preventing free/cheap outdoor activities it is going to be a slog to keep them happy and entertained. We have also started badly with a vomiting bug which has worked its way through us all ending with me. Its not easy looking after two ill children when your also being sick and have no help. My eldest is also demanding and is underassessment for adhd. I would never tell him I can't wait for you to go back to school though, especially this early on.

Can you check if your local pool is doing free swimming sessions for under 19's? It's set dates and times but very popular around here.

I always loved the school holidays, when my kids were at home. Now, as a single parent, my only stress comes from having to work too much. I’ve booked as many days off as I possibly can, but I’ll still have to work more time than I get with my youngest, and I hate it.

If I had the luxury of having 6 weeks off I would enjoy it too. Unfortunately I don't I have to work every week day whilst feeling guilty that my kids arent off doing fun things like their friends so no I don't really enjoy the 6 weeks holidays.

Even worse this year as even I get time off there's no money to do anything

This! Exactly this! 3 have 3 ND children all teens. One has been crying for the last week because the don't want to break up. They also don't want to do anything other than stay in the house because everywhere else is packed and they can't deal with it.
The other 2 want to be going out and doing stuff.
It's so hard as there's never any way everyone gets what they want so someone is always upset.
The structure and routine of being at school is what my children crave.

I once heard a mum on the playground say to her kid "I wish I wasn't your mum" and then explain to the mums with her that "I really mean it I tell her all the time".
My heart broke for that kid, she was an awful bully who picked on my kid, but what else can you expect from a 4 year old who regularly heard that from her own mother.

I genuinely love spending the summer holidays with kids. I work as a contractor and the contract terms are always set so I can be off for the full 6 weeks. Mine are now 8 and 11 and neuro typical, so at an age where they are sporty, we can go for a hike, or throw the bikes in the car and go cycle off road, or go and play tennis. Obviously we do less active stuff, cinema, bowling, library, there is a maize maze nearby too. We've also got English Heritage membership, so we can fill some days visiting places under the EH banner near us. They usually have kids trails and other activities going on. I haven't ever found it hard to fill the days. Obviously it's a very different experience when you don't have to worry about child care and are also in a financial position that enables us to go and make memories. I can easily understand it's far more challenging for others who are also having to work.

That is so sad 😞

Lots of children thrive on the routine of being at school and love learning.

My son LOVES school. He loves being part of the class, the group discussions, the academic challenge. I enjoy the holidays and make sure he does too, but honestly, he's so happy when school starts back in september.

I can't really replicate the group dynamic and social environment at home, he does get more bored. We can't always arrange for him to see friends because other people have family holidays, childcare arrangements etc.

So i don't judge people who find the holidays drag on.

I’m a lone parent and have to work full time so the summer is a nightmare. I can’t afford to take too much time off; I struggle to create enough fun activities whilst balancing WFH. I end up working later into the evening because my days are more interrupted.

I love my child but it’s hard.

See, some posters appear to take my comments as not understanding that it's hard for people that have to work over the holidays - of course it is! That wasn't my point, though - my point is that you just don't say that to your kids (and neither were said in jest at the time; the tone was very different). And especially not when it was barely the beginning of the holidays.

I have read a few threads on here where people say they regret having kids, and there is nothing more damaging for a child than being so openly rejected by the one set of people who are meant to love them unconditionally.

We both work full time and have two children, one of whom is ND. Holidays are stressful for everyone, routine is harder to maintain so behaviour is worse, we’re constantly juggling childcare. Are there moments of quality family time? Yes. Do I also somewhat dread the holidays? Also yes. Would I be absolutely devastated if someone was judging me for expressing that dread? Definitely.

Your point was totally to make a judgement about people that don’t enjoy spending 6 weeks at home and you’re so inconvenienced and aggrieved by it that you had to write a thread about how you’re fed up that parents are already moaning about the summer break.

How naive you are to think everyone is in a position to enjoy the summer break with their kids. It’s wonderful for term time workers, it’s great if you’re financially in a position where you’re a SAHM or that you have a nice little routine set up with your partner etc to juggle it. Unfortunately; not everyone has a support network, not everyone has the funds to do anything remotely exciting, some people can’t afford the extra food that is required to be at home for weeks with kids, some people are really lonely and don’t see any of the people they would normally see on the school run routine. Some children hate the school holidays too. Routine is needed for so many children and adults whether NT or ND.

I basically think that you should think yourself very lucky that you are able to have such a narrow minded outlook just because “you’re alright” not everything is quite so straight forward so yes you are in fact being a major judgeypants 👀

You sound lovely.

Make of it what you will, you're not going to change my opinion on people who openly tell their kids they don't want them around, or who have issues with spending (less than) a weekend's worth of time with them.