To love my DD more than my husband

[NadjaCravensworth1]

She's 16 months and I just love her so much. She fills my heart up to bursting. Once she's asleep I look at photos and videos of her like a lovesick teenager. Having her has totally redefined what I thought love was. I feel like it's completely unconditional for her but I can't say the same for my DH. Our relationship is good but the depth of feeling just doesn't compare. Has this happened to anyone else?

im not sure you understand unconditional love. It doesn’t mean that you have to keep living in an unsafe situation to prove it. You can still love a child and know that you cannot keep living with them.

LOL. This.

You're just being human. We all experience a wide range of feelings and thoughts. You also can't hep your feelings.

I don't think it's comparable.

The loves are of equal depth in different ways.

I'm not responsible for the life of my DH, which brings a new depth because it's a daily choice to love and care for each other.

But my child is my flesh and blood - they are also totally reliant on you. You would do anything for them.

You get the gist.

I mean, if "unconditional love" is just being super weepy, fake-sensitive and bragging about it to others, then, sure. But IMHO love is a verb, you have to prove it through action. It doesn't matter what you think you feel. If you're not prioritising your child at all costs in all situations (which I'm not saying you should!), then it's not "unconditional love". It's still "conditions apply" but with more bragging and crocodile tears. Unconditional love doesn't exist, and pretending it does is a lie and creates harmful, unrealistic expectations.

Incidentally there is now a thread about parents who can't wait for summer holidays to be over because they have to actually spend time with their own children which they chose to bring into the world. :))

What an odd view.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I appreciate all the different views, I realise that there will be a time when she's older when things will be harder and it will probably hurt a lot. I take on board the comments about nurturing my marital relationship, you are all very wise.

Why are people even comparing the two? It is not a fair comparison because they aren't the same thing. They're not supposed to be compared.

Try asking people if they love one of their children more than another. That is the more equal comparison.

I adore my DH but I've always loved my children more intensely than him.
I'd walk through fire for my kids..
I became a grandmother 18 months ago and am surprised at the depth of love I have for my grandson too.

So normal OP. My DD is everything to me.

Few others saying you can't compare, well, I suppose it depends on different experiences. I certainly can. My love for my DD is absolutely stronger than anything I've ever felt for anyone.

I'd be concerned if you felt differently, to be honest.

How and why would you be comparing the two? Completely different things, not a healthy thing to do, I never understand these threads.

My DC are both in their twenties and I still love them both unconditionally. I might not like some things they do, but there isn't a thing in the world they could do that would stop me loving them.

Even if one of them turned out to be a serial killer, I would turn them in to the police but would visit them in prison and support them.

I hope they both know that.

You’ve got to think - who’s gonna be there for me in 20 years time?

your children? - hopefully not, hopefully they’ll be off living their life and not living with you.

your husband - yes, hopefully

thats what you have to keep in mind. You are equally important to your husband and kids

We’re programmed to feel this way about children, especially the very young. We are ultimately animals and enabling survival of the species is hardwired in.

The love one has for children/spouses is inherently different. You’re comparing apples and oranges.

I think it's weird when people don't feel this way.

DP and I agreed when DS was a baby that there would be no need to think about which person would be saved from a burning house, by either of us. I would push DP back into the flames without a second thought if it meant saving either of my children. He feels the same.

@CodenameSailorV I know wholeheartedly that my parents love/loved me unconditionally. My father is my best friend (we lost my mum a long time ago).

Yup, totally different love you have for your child/children than you do for your DH/DW/DP.

Well, that’s certainly conditional love- who’s going to be the most useful to me in the future?! 😂

I would push DP back into the flames without a second thought if it meant saving either of my children

You and your DH discussed that?

Really?

EuniceNewtonFoote what an appalling thing to say.

Apologies EuniceNewtonFoote you were quoting a pp.It's the pushing another human being into flames that I find appalling.

The thing is though, the vast majority of people will never be in the uncharacteristically-solicitous-gunman or burning-building type of situation. But we are very likely to be in the position someday if not now where we want a romantic, sexual, equal partner to go to the cinema with or share the frustration with when cute sleeping child turns into a fifteen year old who calls you a bitch for not buying her alcopops or whatever. So I don’t really see who benefits from explicating how comparatively inferior your love for your partner is. I think as a few people have mentioned it often indicates that you didn’t love your partner that much in the first place, or that you have an unhealthy emotional reliance on your children that they won’t thank you for in the long run.

I agree with this. Children won't stay children forever or need you in the same way so it makes sense to want someone that loves and you love in the amount if you have a partner and not to compare the 2