To love my DD more than my husband

[NadjaCravensworth1]

She's 16 months and I just love her so much. She fills my heart up to bursting. Once she's asleep I look at photos and videos of her like a lovesick teenager. Having her has totally redefined what I thought love was. I feel like it's completely unconditional for her but I can't say the same for my DH. Our relationship is good but the depth of feeling just doesn't compare. Has this happened to anyone else?

I've felt like this since quite early on, took a little while for dh to admit he felt the same! It's normal as far as I know. Especially when they're small and have all the smells and silliness. I love dh, but we both know who to save in a fire (1 designated child each, but children first)!

I love my DH and my DS differently. I love them both impossible to describe amounts but I do love my DS unconditionally whereas my DH I love him with conditions! I think that’s normal though! And healthy? Like, I wouldn’t love my husband any more if he cheated on me or abused me.

Yes for me too, the first months were tricky but I think ever since she began communicating with me with smiles etc I was just done. Also the times I love my husband the most are when he makes her laugh (because nobody else makes her laugh like him). Im sure it is all biological and natural but I guess I wasn't prepared for the realisation that I didn't really know what love was before.

Told an expectant couple last week that once they become parents it is normal no longer to be number 1 for each other (and it doesn’t mean there’s any less love to go round, or that you each other less ). Boggled the bloke’s mind.

I remember when I was pregnant with number 1, DH speculating about the (entirely hypothetical, cos that’s not how it works) “if you could only save one” scenario. Now he knows straight off that if he ever chose me over the kids, I wouldn’t forgive him as my life wouldn’t be worth living.

I am not a lovey dovey person.

I love my husband in a way that's totally incomparable to the love I have for our children. It's just a completely different experience, and I can't measure one up against the other.

So I wouldn't say I love my husband less, but I would say that the love of your child or children is just all-encompassing and unconditional in a way no other type of love is.

Similarly to @Upanddownthemerrygoround , my husband and I have always said the same. We'd choose our children over each other in a life or death scenario without even a moment's hesitation. But it's not a reflection of loving him less imo, in fact the reason I'd choose my children is in some way because I love my husband. He wouldn't want to be alive if it meant his children had to die, so I would spare him that! And vice versa, he'd say the same about me.

Since having children, my husband and I have something new that unites us, these beautiful humans who we are both totally obsessed with. The love you have for your child isn't reciprocal is it, in that they will never love you in the same way because you're their parent. It's quite bittersweet, but the fact that I know I share this with my husband strengthens our relationship.

That’s lovely @ShazzaF

I always thought it was natural to love your children more then your spouse (or maybe its not really "more", but "differently"). I actually know a woman who freely admits she loves her DH more than her kids. I can NOT wrap my head around that, or that fact she openly admits this. And its not a secret from her children.

I'd be offended if my OH loved me more than our gorgeous boys!!

Yes, the love for my children is more than for OH, but would say my love for him has grown since having the children too. So just lots more love all round ❤

I deffo love my DD more than my husband. And he definitely feels the same. No question of who we would save in a fire.

I'm not obsessed with my DD (like another poster here the other day. No hate, just that she was clearly on another level). She's nearly 15 and growing up, but my love for her is all consuming and the patience I have with her is off the scale.

Yes the patience! I release there's a big age gap between our children but I never imagined I'd have so much patience. I literally followed her at snails pace around in circles at a farm yesterday - and was happy to do it!! Crazy really

It’s a different kind of love
and you have to bear in mind that one day your child will grow up and move out and it’ll just be you and your husband- so don’t neglect that relationship! Nurture your relationship with him every bit as much as the relationship with your child

No and I love my children completely. I'm hurt when they're hurt , sad when they're sad etc. But I fully appreciate they will grow and grow apart from me and my husband is my life partner my equal in understanding and experience where my children are not. I love them unconditionally and maybe I do not my husband but as he he has not let me down in 20 years he is the love of my life, my partner in all this, we're raising the children together and he is the one I feel bound too. I agree there is more than one type of love .

this!

Don’t see how anyone could argue against this

it’s life 🤷‍♀️

Sorry but I don’t think enjoying watching your child sleep for hours is normal. I mean, do you not want at least some free time?! 😐

absolutely I would give my life for my children or grandchildren. They are my everything. You don’t feel this way?

Well my daughter and husband are the most important people in my life but I love them equally. DH and I had many years being just us before she came along and hopefully will have many more when she leaves.

If a gunman said "I'm going to shoot you or your daughter" I'd say shoot me! But it's a very unlikely scenario, isn't it?

DC unquestionably. It’s been life changing.

100% normal. I have two children and would run into a burning building for them… you are supposed to feel like this. I love my children more than I live DH. He loves the children more than he loves me. This is how it’s meant to be.

@TokenGinger

Ah dont watch your baby sleep for hours! Watch a film, paint your nails, have a glass of wine- do something just for you! youll find you enjoy that too 😊

In 25 years time when the now 16 month old is off living it up in a flatshare in another city you'll hopefully still have a good relationship with your partner. So pay some attention to that love too.

Exactly ritzy. It’s different not comparable. When your 14 says you are “too intense” for mildly asking what her plans are and flounces off with her mates leaving you to have dinner with your lovely patient Dh you may feel differently!

I have two children and would run into a burning building for them

Here we go ...

When your 14 says you are “too intense” for mildly asking what her plans are and flounces off with her mates leaving you to have dinner with your lovely patient Dh you may feel differently!

😂
Very true!

In some ways my love for my husband is deeper. Because it's conditional. It takes efforts. Mutual effort.

Whereas my love for my children is unconditional. They could do the most heinous things and I'd hate it but still love them. There's nothing they could do that would make me love them less

every parent feels that way. if they don't they shouldn't be a parent.

every parent feels that way. if they don't they shouldn't be a parent

🙄

You shouldn't fetishise children.

I do think a large number of people probably ‘settled’ with a partner in order to have a baby and might never even have been madly in love with anyone before.