Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To love my DD more than my husband

195 replies

NadjaCravensworth1 · 22/07/2023 22:49

She's 16 months and I just love her so much. She fills my heart up to bursting. Once she's asleep I look at photos and videos of her like a lovesick teenager. Having her has totally redefined what I thought love was. I feel like it's completely unconditional for her but I can't say the same for my DH. Our relationship is good but the depth of feeling just doesn't compare. Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 00:21

jolaylasofia · 23/07/2023 00:11

every parent feels that way. if they don't they shouldn't be a parent.

Show quote history

@jolaylasofia

you are so wrong

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 00:21

Nellynoowhoareyou · 23/07/2023 00:17

I do think a large number of people probably ‘settled’ with a partner in order to have a baby and might never even have been madly in love with anyone before.

Good point…

Cucucucu · 23/07/2023 00:23

I think that’s normal , they are 2 different kinds of love . The love for a child is neve the same as the love you feel for a partner .

emmylousings · 23/07/2023 00:24

I find this thread a bit odd. They are massively different types of love, and I don't see how it can be measured. The thing you are all all talking about is the huge pride in your DC, the urge to protect & nurture - all strong and biologically driven emotions. But the love you may have for your parents, siblings, partner, closest friends - are all really important too. I don't think it's a good idea to lose sight of that, as your DC grow up really fast....chances are by the time they are pre-teens they're more interested in their mates than you...few years later they normally leave. They are still in your life and your heart, but not central to your daily existence anymore. You're in that particular phase where they are central OP, great, enjoy it, your DC are lucky to have you. But it doesn't define how / who you love forever.

Cucucucu · 23/07/2023 00:26

its the only advise I ever gave to a expectant first time mum . That no amount of preparation will fully prepare you for the unconditional and almost out of proportion love you feel for your child . It’s so so big nobody can explain it . It’s different from what you feel for your mum or dad or partner or siblings or nephews and nieces , it’s just unexplainable.

Jl2014 · 23/07/2023 00:29

Totally normal. When my DC was born it made me feel like I hadn’t actually known what love was until then.

truelips · 23/07/2023 00:31

I Iove all my kids fiercely but I also love my partner as he gave me two of them. Can replace him if needed to but my babies I never could.

NewName122 · 23/07/2023 00:33

I wouldn't trust anyone who loved their spouse more than their child.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 00:34

Those who say they could easily replace their partner…no, you could not because he is an individual and cannot be replicated. Yeah, you could have another relationship, get married again etc but it would not be the same because it’s not the same person

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 00:35

NewName122 · 23/07/2023 00:33

I wouldn't trust anyone who loved their spouse more than their child.

@NewName122

why?

preggomeggo · 23/07/2023 00:37

Yep that's normal. I remember after our child was born my husband and I laughing as we both said that we now loved each other almost as much as we loved our child. Nothing really comes close to the love for our children.

NewName122 · 23/07/2023 00:40

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 00:35

@NewName122

why?

Show quote history

The love for a spouse doesn't compare to the love for your own child. It's a different love and, for me anyway, could never be compared. I wouldn't be able to understand how anyone could love a partner more than their own child.

EuniceNewtonFoote · 23/07/2023 00:42

Can replace him if needed to but my babies I never could.

Eh? OK you could get another bloke but that's like saying you could have another baby or adopt ...

Everyone who we love is irreplaceable.

caringcarer · 23/07/2023 00:44

Noimaginationforaun · 22/07/2023 23:05

I love my DH and my DS differently. I love them both impossible to describe amounts but I do love my DS unconditionally whereas my DH I love him with conditions! I think that’s normal though! And healthy? Like, I wouldn’t love my husband any more if he cheated on me or abused me.

This hits the nail on the head. I love DH so so much but if he cheated on me I wouldn't hesitate to boot him out. My DC, FS and DGS's are my world. DC are adults now but they are still my babies in my ❤️.

RitzyMcFitzy · 23/07/2023 00:44

Nellynoowhoareyou · 23/07/2023 00:17

I do think a large number of people probably ‘settled’ with a partner in order to have a baby and might never even have been madly in love with anyone before.

probably some truth in this

truelips · 23/07/2023 00:45

I spoke out of context, I meant I love him my partner and he is irreplaceable yes unless he cheated or did something unforgivable etc then he would become worthless to me.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/07/2023 00:46

I love them more. Sometimes I like them more. Sometimes I like them less. Sometimes I like Some of them more and some of them less. Some times I want to sell them on Etsy. Sometimes I want to sell him on Facebook Market Place.

ItsNotTheGirlsWhoRiotAndStartWars · 23/07/2023 00:50

My dad had an elderly relative who died many decades ago, but while she was alive she told him that she had been bereaved of a parent, a husband, and a child (who was an adult). She said that by far the hardest to bear was the death of her child, then the husband, then the parent. It sounds very sad to think of that again now that I am a parent!

Xmasbaby11 · 23/07/2023 00:55

Yes me too. No contest. It’s unconditional love and if I had to prioritise them over Dh or anyone else, I would.

My dd are 9 and 11 so still young and need me so much. Dh does not need me; it’s a different kind of love.

I assumed everyone felt that way. It’s natural, especially with young dependent kids.

EuniceNewtonFoote · 23/07/2023 00:59

I assumed everyone felt that way. It’s natural, especially with young dependent kids

So do you think your DH will gain some parity when your DC are older and less dependant?

HamBone · 23/07/2023 01:07

It’s a completely unconditional and biological love. This is vital when they act like arses later in life.

🤣🤣@Bellabluea has it spot on.

DH and I have jokingly discussed who we’d rescue if we had to choose between each other and our DC, and of course, it’s our DC. As PP’s have said, it’s a different type of love. If your partner starts acting like an arse, you can fall out of love with them; if your child does, you may not like them much, but you still love them.

HamBone · 23/07/2023 01:09

EuniceNewtonFoote · 23/07/2023 00:59

I assumed everyone felt that way. It’s natural, especially with young dependent kids

So do you think your DH will gain some parity when your DC are older and less dependant?

No, because love for a partner is conditional on who they are and how they behave towards you. Love for a child is unconditional.

JudgeRudy · 23/07/2023 01:11

I agree. The biggest difference for me is that I could not envisage my love for my children to ever stop. I accept that's a possibility with partner.

Mamai90 · 23/07/2023 01:13

Desdemonadryeyes · 22/07/2023 22:58

I love my DD unconditionally

My H has said he loves me more than our DD.

One of the multifarious reasons why I don’t love him.

I wouldn't want to be with my DH if he loved me more than our kids. That's warped!

BadNomad · 23/07/2023 01:15

It also means your children never love you as much as you love them. The only people who can love you that much are your own parents.

Swipe left for the next trending thread