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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to collect friend to come round my house

167 replies

brock00to · 22/07/2023 10:52

My friend wants to come and visit my family on Tuesday but she doesn’t drive which means I will have to drive to her house, collect her, drive back to mine and when we’re done I’ll have to drop her off and come back to mine again, so that’s 4 journeys for me. It’s only 6 miles but it’s a bit annoying.

OP posts:
oi0Y0io · 22/07/2023 13:50

Towns and villages tend to be spaced four to six miles apart, this is because an 8 to 12 mile round trip is a comfortable distance for a human to do on foot ☝️😇

Saverage · 22/07/2023 13:54

I don't drive. I'd walk the 6 miles, or get a bus if it was an unpleasant walking route. Then cab home or be very grateful for a lift, but definitely wouldn't expect it.

OP you say she last did this trip in 2020 so it's not exactly a regular thing is it. Just ask her if she can get the bus over.

Oldnproud · 22/07/2023 14:07

OP, If you had written MiL instead of friend, I bet you would have 100% support on this thread. 😏

99victoria · 22/07/2023 14:08

Pluvia · 22/07/2023 12:27

Where do you live that you can drive to a friend's house at 50 or 60 mph? Six miles around here would take 20 on a good day without traffic and 30 on a busier day.

Show quote history

6 miles in 10 minutes is 36 mph, 6 miles in 15 minutes is 24 mph so I wasn't suggesting I could drive at 50 or 60 mph!

Oldnproud · 22/07/2023 14:08

Same if you had said your friend was a boomer, too.

ivykaty44 · 22/07/2023 14:09

1 mile and a half takes 25 minutes to walk or 12 minutes to cycle, is there a reason the person isn't able to transport themselves in other ways?

ivykaty44 · 22/07/2023 14:10

@Saverage. you wouldn't have to walk 6 miles though, you'd only need to walk 3 miles as you wouldn't do the trip twice

SplendidUtterly · 22/07/2023 14:15

Just tell her to get a bus or taxi to yours OP. She is being a self entitled CF 😂

UsingChangeofName · 22/07/2023 14:21

@ivykaty44 OP has said it is 6 miles one way.

@oi0Y0io you are being ridiculous. Yes, some people could walk 4 miles in an hour, but it is is much faster than the average person walks, and really hardly the point of the thread. The thread is about the OP feeling put upon, or taken advantage of.

rickaaaayyyy · 22/07/2023 14:24

Jongleterre · 22/07/2023 11:02

That would only take her an hour and a half to walk to yours and then you take her home.

Or a bus there and you run her home?

Fucking hell 😂😂😂😂

Poppyseeks · 22/07/2023 14:39

Why can't you go to her house it doesn't make sense for you to pick her up and bring her back to your house.
If you can't go to her house I would just meet her at the pub.

floodywell · 22/07/2023 14:40

6 miles in the car where I live would take about 45 minutes, and about 40 of those would involve stationary traffic.

I'd just say "great - what sort of time were you thinking of getting here?"

ImNotReallySpartacus · 22/07/2023 14:41

I would collect the friend if she were too disabled to get herself there, but not if she is perfectly capable of getting a bus. I wouldn't want a friend who was a wet lettuce.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/07/2023 14:44

brock00to · 22/07/2023 12:36

@WombatChocolate In my friendship group everyone tries to sponge off each other for example when we went out last time with our other friend, they were getting the expensive drinks on each other’s rounds. Another example from last summer, we went to KFC and she ‘forgot’ her purse so I had to pay.

These people are not your friends, find some decent people to share your life with.

Raindancer411 · 22/07/2023 14:49

It's never too late to stop being a door mat :) You can do this.. the messages asking when she will arrive and not to worry, you will drop her home sounds good.

finewelshcheese · 22/07/2023 14:50

Makes no sense to fetch her back to yours then go over her way again to go to the pub. Why not go to hers then the pub?

PureLife89 · 22/07/2023 14:51

She makes her own way to your's or you don't see her

WombatChocolate · 22/07/2023 15:00

OP, have a think about if this group of people are actually friends. You say they want to sponge and never give. You say they want to order expensive drinks on someone else’s round and say they’ve forgotten their purse. Have you done these things too, if you’re honest…if it’s the norm in your friendship group?

Do you feel stuck in this group as thee isn’t anyone else..it’s them or no-one?

It’s just something consider. If they really aren’t actually friends, you can break away. You can put boundaries in place. You can look to start again and make sure you are a generous and kind friend and hopefully meet others who are similar and who will do you favours and who you will be happy to do favours for. It’s hard if you’ve never had friends like this and always been surrounded by people who take advantage, and in actual fact have become like that yourself.

Is your friendship dominated by going out drinking and has little else to it?

BadNomad · 22/07/2023 15:01

Meet up closer to her house then if you don't want to drive her around.

It always surprises me how many people don't like putting themselves out for their friends. I actually like my friends and like spending time with them so I see things like this as making their life a little easier so we can spend time together. No way would I expect a friend to walk 6 miles or get a bus to come to my house.

Thelonelygiraffe · 22/07/2023 15:18

If it's only 6 miles she can take the bus or a cab!

Thelonelygiraffe · 22/07/2023 15:19

Your friendship group don't sound like real friends...

AuntieMarys · 22/07/2023 15:20

Uber?

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/07/2023 15:22

These people are not your friends. They are users. If you stop doing anything for them, they will drop you like a flash.

Luxell934 · 22/07/2023 15:23

brock00to · 22/07/2023 11:04

The plan was for her to come round for a bit and then we drive over to the pub near her end so I was expecting to take her home anyway.

If the plan is to drive over to a pub near her own house anyway, why don't you just meet her at the pub instead of her coming to yours? Or go to her house for bit before the pub instead?

Conkersinautumn · 22/07/2023 15:29

A former 'friend' was disgusted that my house wasn't more accessible by public transport (its only a 2 or 10 minute walk to different bus stops to different nearby towns buses are about 15 mins apart at busy times 10 mins), and that I didn't buy a house close to a direct train line for her. I pointed out that for the Once every 5 years she deigned to visit it wasn't really worth the hike in.price to be that close to a mainline station and, of course, there are plenty of taxis. Ive concluded some people actively avoid thinking that the world might not revolve around them.