Page 5 | To not want to collect friend to come round my house

brock00to · 2023-07-22T09:52:10+00:00

My friend wants to come and visit my family on Tuesday but she doesn’t drive which means I will have to drive to her house, collect her, drive back to mine and when we’re done I’ll have to drop her off and come back to mine again, so that’s 4 journeys for me. It’s only 6 miles but it’s a bit annoying.

ChrisPPancake · 22/07/2023 12:49

@brock00to if you're planning to go to the pub anyway why not just meet there? She can come back to yours after, then get herself home.

WombatChocolate · 22/07/2023 12:50

brock00to · 22/07/2023 12:36

@WombatChocolate In my friendship group everyone tries to sponge off each other for example when we went out last time with our other friend, they were getting the expensive drinks on each other’s rounds. Another example from last summer, we went to KFC and she ‘forgot’ her purse so I had to pay.

Well, this is the issue.
Your friendship group doesn’t sound like mine. This doesn’t sound like a friendship group at all, but a load of selfish people looking out for themselves.

What is this about? Is it people who want nights out, lots of booze, who are in it for themselves…but just need others to make it happen, but actually everyone is selfish and in it for themselves? That’s not friendship.

Friends help each other. They offer help and they receive it. They give lifts, look after each other’s kids, are there when someone is sad, put themselves out even when it’s inconvenient. They bear with each other when someone isn’t all that nice and are there for the lomg haul.

But OP, sadly, you don’t sound like you’ve got friends like this or are necessarily one yourself. You sound like you’re in a toxic place where people can’t count on anyone else and consequently everyone becomes selfish and assumes everyone else is. I’m sad for you, if that’s the case. It’s a far-cry from what many in MN experience, which is why it’s hard for us to relate to what you’re saying or understand your viewpoint.

ChrisPPancake · 22/07/2023 12:50

Or just cancel it because you don't seem to actually like her very much.

DamnUserName21 · 22/07/2023 12:51

Just meet at the pub near her place as that was part of the plan anyway. Why the need to come to yours?

anonymousxoxo · 22/07/2023 12:54

Just say no and arrange to meet at the pub. She can get taxi etc. I don’t like offering lifts because it becomes a habit and I’m no one’s taxi driver.

I learnt to drive put myself through theory test, learning to drive and passing test then upkeep of car.

Before anyone talks about public transport, I have to go office 1 or 2 days a week which is 35 miles away (70 miles a day I do) 140 miles minimum a week.

I really have no desire to drag my laptop, lunch bag and other essentials on two trains and two buses especially when British weather is rubbish. I don’t want to stand in cold weather in rain waiting for rain.

I do agree with others you’ve made a habit of it though, you need to put your foot down and say say no.

Oceanus · 22/07/2023 12:55

OP, there are clearly bigger issues at play rather than just a ride. You're resentful and it shows. If you like the friend, keep seeing her but just don't put yourself in a position where you have to give anyone a ride. Rides are meant to be offered not expected.

MrsJBaptiste · 22/07/2023 13:13

PurpleButterflyWings · 22/07/2023 12:41

Oh do behave! No-one is going to walk to someone's house when they live 6 miles away FFS! That's almost 2 hours walk FFS! 4 hour round trip. The OP would spend no more than 35-40 minutes picking her up, and bringing her to her house, and then dropping her off later and coming back home. Expecting someone to walk 6 miles to your house because you CBA to do a 15-20 minute round trip to pick them up, makes you a pretty shit 'friend!'

Show quote history

And there's 6 miles when you're doing a country walk with a pub at the end or there 6 miles across a city centre along main roads and dual carriageways!

WombatChocolate · 22/07/2023 13:21

6 miles of walking is a red herring here.

Yes,people can walk 6 miles, but most won’t be doing that to get to someone’s house.

oi0Y0io · 22/07/2023 13:27

honeyrain · 22/07/2023 12:48

@oi0Y0io 2 hours?
you must be a really slow walker, you should get more exercise☝️😄
*
*
If you type in 6 miles to google maps it's around 1hr 50-2hrs...so PP is fairly accurate and I agree it's absolutely absurd to suggest someone walk that length there and back for a catch-up with a "friend"

This thread is so ridiculous

Google says that because they don't want to offend the tortoise walkers☝️😄
a fit person would do it in an hour and a half, a four miles per hour walking speed is easy if you're fit and what better way to get fit than do lots of walking☝️😄

KT1995 · 22/07/2023 13:31

brock00to · 22/07/2023 12:36

@WombatChocolate In my friendship group everyone tries to sponge off each other for example when we went out last time with our other friend, they were getting the expensive drinks on each other’s rounds. Another example from last summer, we went to KFC and she ‘forgot’ her purse so I had to pay.

Well it evens out then doesnt it, if everyone is buying an expensive drink on everyone else's round.

Go to KFC on Tuesday, get her to order and tell her you forgot your purse.

itsgettingweird · 22/07/2023 13:32

brock00to · 22/07/2023 11:04

The plan was for her to come round for a bit and then we drive over to the pub near her end so I was expecting to take her home anyway.

Just meet at the pub?

anonymousxoxo · 22/07/2023 13:32

Lol if people don't want to walk 6 miles..

Public transport
Taxi/uber/bolt
Learn to drive

Really that simple!

Just because people don't want to walk certain miles, doesn't warrant free lifts.

NoSquirrels · 22/07/2023 13:33

brock00to · 22/07/2023 12:12

I don’t want to be taken advantage of any more,
I resent being a doormat. I’m concerned asking her to get the bus would flabbergast her and put an elephant in the room kind of rift in the friendship.

If you feel taken advantage of, then it isn’t a great friendship. If there would be an elephant in the room over asking a mate to get to your house on their own - a place they apparently seem to have invited themselves - then it’s not a great friendship.

Look, just ask her if she can make her own way. If she says no, you can decide what to do. You can either agree to it all on her terms (pick up, your house, drop back) or you can say, OK, doesn’t suit me to do it that way, shall we rearrange? Then you can just meet her at the pub near her house, go over to her house, or call it off til it’s convenient for her to get a bus.

M4J4 · 22/07/2023 13:34

Ignore all the people telling you to pick her up, they wouldn’t do it themselves when a friend expects it every time, no one likes being taken for granted.

Just tell her you won’t be able to pick her up or drop her, so she will need to get a taxi or a bus.

PrinceHaz · 22/07/2023 13:35

She’s being a total CF. I wouldn’t see her at all to be honest. She’s n9 friend if she’s letting you be a doormat for her.

Gymnopedie · 22/07/2023 13:37

OP it sounds as though your 'friend' is a freeloader and for some reason the issue of going to pick her up (when she suggested coming over, you didn't invite her) has pissed you off once too often. The time, distance etc is irrelevant, it's just tipped you over the edge.

Is this really a friendship worth having? Is she a user in other ways too? The driving her is a symptom rather than the main problem.

Thegoodbadandugly · 22/07/2023 13:38

I don't mind picking my friends up and taking them places however there was one that did take the preverbial not only was I picking her up, dropping her off I would also end up buying lunch on top and she wouldn't reciprocate so therefore I didn't see her again.

AlviarinAesSedai · 22/07/2023 13:39

I would expect her to just get the bloody bus!

Littledogball · 22/07/2023 13:39

Why are you assuming you have to take responsibility for her going to your house. Just say see you at 1pm or whatever. Why would you take it upon yourself to see how she's getting to your house. If you do that she thinks it is your responsibility for her to get to your house when it isn't, it's hers! You are making a rod for your own back. Then if she asks you can say no you are busy or offer one journey. It isn't for you to facilitate her life, so why are you doing it? Don't ask or offer. Wait and see.

TheModHatter · 22/07/2023 13:41

Just say ‘OK to get the bus here and then I can drop you after the pub’.

ejbaxa · 22/07/2023 13:42

brock00to · 22/07/2023 12:36

@WombatChocolate In my friendship group everyone tries to sponge off each other for example when we went out last time with our other friend, they were getting the expensive drinks on each other’s rounds. Another example from last summer, we went to KFC and she ‘forgot’ her purse so I had to pay.

You need new friends!

Would you do this to a friend? Try to get the expensive drink on their round?

TenoringBehind · 22/07/2023 13:44

TheModHatter · 22/07/2023 13:41

Just say ‘OK to get the bus here and then I can drop you after the pub’.

This

Or (to change expectations) suggest you cut out the pub bit and just stay at yours and she gets the bus back afterwards. Say to her that it would be nice if you could have a drink for a change.

alwaysmovingforwards · 22/07/2023 13:45

Is your friend a child incapable of arranging to transport herself from point a to point b?

MermaidEyes · 22/07/2023 13:47

On reading your updates all your friends sound a bit crappy tbh. Time to set some boundaries or find new friends.

BreatheAndFocus · 22/07/2023 13:49

brock00to · 22/07/2023 12:12

I don’t want to be taken advantage of any more,
I resent being a doormat. I’m concerned asking her to get the bus would flabbergast her and put an elephant in the room kind of rift in the friendship.

It sounds like you’re feeling pushed to do things that you don’t want to do. If you want to stop, you’ll have to change things gradually. Meeting at the pub near her is a good idea. Does she have to come to your house? Can’t you meet somewhere she can easily walk/bus to?