To not want to collect friend to come round my house

[brock00to]

My friend wants to come and visit my family on Tuesday but she doesn’t drive which means I will have to drive to her house, collect her, drive back to mine and when we’re done I’ll have to drop her off and come back to mine again, so that’s 4 journeys for me. It’s only 6 miles but it’s a bit annoying.

So you're taxi-ing about and not drinking while she does?

If you’ve made the plan, how didn’t you set a time for her to turn up?

To anyone asking if I’ve done this before then yes. When she came round in 2020 I picked her up and whenever we’ve met up since, I’ve driven her around. She will expect you to ferry her around.

Then you should say - now - ‘Can you make your own way here on Tuesday and I’ll drop you back later?’ And see what she says.

If she says yes, no worries.
If she says, can’t you pick me up? Say no, afraid I can’t as I’ve got a lot to do.

Well just say 'can you make your way here as I'm busy before hand' and then have a drink in the pub and share a taxi back?

Id ask her what time she’ll be arriving. Pushes her into finding her own way without too much work.

If you've always picked her up without complaint you've made a rod for your own back. Doesn't matter if she expects it or not, say politely this time you can't pick her up. If she decides not to come then she's not much of a friend anyway.

I’d just say I’ll meet you at the pub. Then you don’t have to pick her up or take her home but still see her

Don't do it then.
I think part of the joy of having someone visit you is that you get to relax, you can have drink etc, finish your company and go straight to bed if you want.
Did she actually ask you for a lift? That's cheeky. Depending on how nice you are you could perhaps offer to pick her up but she'll need to make her own way home.
Is ghis the first time she's been to your home? Where do you normally meet up?

That would only take her an hour and a half to walk to yours

Give over 🙄

I don't think the majority of people would consider walking 'only' an hour and a half normal. The dropping back bit is the worst bit. That's the journey I really wouldn't want to do.
Ask her what time the bus gets in or when the last one leaves...'or are you getting a taxi?'

Friends come in different shapes and sizes and with different needs.

If you like this person and want to see her, put yourself out a bit and give her the lifts…graciously.
If you don’t want to see her, then tell her it doesn’t work for you that day.

in life, expect to put yourself out a bit for people…to give more than you take and not to count up every little favour you do for someone else. Life will be more enjoyable. Keeping a tally or only giving what people are ‘entitled’ to is joyless.

Stop thinking about if the request is a bit cheeky or puts you out. Be willing to go the extra mile for friends. Of course, if you aren’t bothered about them, then don’t. Over time, ‘friends’ who say they d like to visit you, who di t feel welcomed will fall away. Thats fine if you aren’t bothered about them or keeping them as friends. People who are good friends though are worth making n effort with and really putting yourself out for. Who wants a stingy, mean-spirited friend who won’t drive 24 miles for them? Be the generous friend

Yep this

Exactly this.

Tell this friend to take a taxi

Six miles, if it's six miles one way rather than total round trips, is more like a 2-3 hour walk. It's hard to maintain a walking speed of 4mph, that's actually nearer a slow jog.

But it is a pity we no longer consider walking these distances to be normal. We'd be a lot fitter and healthier if we did still walk these journeys. And our environment would be better. Fewer cars around, less fumes, better air quality. Your legs don't fall off after 10 minutes. Six miles is a relatively short walk for me.

Personally, I don’t consider it cheeky to ask friends for favours.

id want my friends to feel they can ask me and I can ask them. It’s the nature of friendship rather than a superficial acquaintance. Of course, if practically it’s impossible, it’s fine to say ‘no’ and those asking understand that, but the general understanding between my friends is we can ask for favours and if we can, we will do them. This will sometimes involve a bit of inconvenience. That’s something lots of people don’t seem willing to put up with…even for friends.

So, a friend of mine took me and DH to airport for 7am. It meant they had to get up early to do it and they could have had a lie-in, but they did it…because we are friends. I picked up a friend whose car broke down and went about 30 miles to get her. Man other friend went out t 10pm at night to pick up my DS from an activity when I had already arranged to do something else. Occasionally someone has asked me to do a favour and I’ve said I can’t, because I genuinely couldn’t do it. Fine.

She expects it because you do it, if you need an excuse not to )and you don't) say petrol is costing a fortune.

Say "Tell you what, if you bus it over I'll take you back later...sound ok?"
See what she says.

Ask if she’s getting a bus or taxi to yours. If she says no then say you can’t pick her up so will meet at the pub and she can make her own way there

So there are buses in the area? In that case, I don't think it is the slightest bit unreasonable of you to ask her to get the bus to your house.

She seems to have come to expect a lift now, so it probably won't cross her mind to use a bus unless you ask her to. If she were cheeky enough to moan about the idea of getting the bus when you suggest it, then I think she is being unreasonable.

I don't drive & I wouldn't expect a friend to collect me or drop me off...I accept that as a non driver my options are public transport or the occasional taxi - although taxis are expensive in the moment, taking an occasional taxi is far cheaper than buying & running a car...

People who have never owned a car don’t realize the running plus energy costs, they just moan about taxi fares and the inconvenience of busses.

In your case I agree with another poster, meet up where you are having lunch and then take her home.

well stop assuming you are going to pick her up

wait for her to arrive

I think you're being a bit OTT describing it as 4 trips. It's 2 round trips really, which isn't so bad at that distance, you're just playing it up in your head. And you're going to a pub near hers anyway so would have to travel that way and back. But as others have said, just ask her to make her way to yours then you can drop her back after. No point doing it and seething with resentment because you've not said anything.