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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this tight ?!

389 replies

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 22/07/2023 11:05

honeylulu · 22/07/2023 11:03

Omg, your update about the airport meal! There is no way her disappearing when the bill was due was an accident. I bet she thinks she's such a special person you are lucky to have her company, so you can pay for it!

Yes that's crap. At least ask what ones share is of you are suddenly stuck with toilet issues!

jhgu · 22/07/2023 11:05

I'd send her an invoice- including the airport meal. She's unbelievable cheeky.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 11:05

honeylulu · 22/07/2023 11:03

Omg, your update about the airport meal! There is no way her disappearing when the bill was due was an accident. I bet she thinks she's such a special person you are lucky to have her company, so you can pay for it!

Yes I had forgotten about that until PP reminded me !

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/07/2023 11:08

😵

inamarina · 22/07/2023 11:10

I would have paid the whole bill if I were her.

Lordofmyflies · 22/07/2023 11:10

You sound lovely OP, very generous and your 'friend' is tighter than a gnats chuff. I think I would either remember her attitude and not go away / out with her again or if you really value the friendship, be direct and address her behaviour and tell her how her lack of generosity has upset you. Oh, and bill her for that meal too!

Custardslices · 22/07/2023 11:10

Time for saying anything has been and gone

Miss this 'friend' out in future

Gingerboy22 · 22/07/2023 11:11

Ginmonkeyagain · 22/07/2023 09:25

Are you light drinkers or was it a very cheap part of the world?

I am treating a friend to birthday cocktails later and have budgeted £60 for just an evening. (Admittedly this is a bar in London)

You will lucky to get two each for that.

Ginmonkeyagain · 22/07/2023 11:15

Well we are not planning an all evening session on the cocktails! It is a late afternoon trip to a fancy bar. We will probably move on to a cheaper bar after that!

Emmamoo89 · 22/07/2023 11:17

Yanbu x

Oldraver · 22/07/2023 11:17

I would text/talk to her about not paying her share of the airport meal

Sort of, I know how you like to split the bill exactly so this is your share

DoubleTime · 22/07/2023 11:17

Wow re airport meal update. There is no way she forgot to offer to pay for that. Are you sure you want to keep this friend ?
Re the bar bill - was it handed to her perchance ? Because its sounding like if it had been given to you, she would have just forgotten about that too and let you pay.

WaltzingWaters · 22/07/2023 11:17

Very cheeky. No more freebies for her.

Iolani · 22/07/2023 11:17

Yes very mean.
Either split it equally or I would expect her to pay it all as she’s had a free holiday.
I certainly would have.

MamaDollyorJesus · 22/07/2023 11:24

Ginmonkeyagain · 22/07/2023 09:25

Are you light drinkers or was it a very cheap part of the world?

I am treating a friend to birthday cocktails later and have budgeted £60 for just an evening. (Admittedly this is a bar in London)

I'd revise that budget - last time I was in Edinburgh with a friend we were £85 in one bar. Cocktails are about £12.50 these days unless you go to places like Slug & Lettuce & get their 2for1 deals.

OP she was definitely a CF but I'm not sure saying something will achieve anything. No one actually thinks they are a CF, she'll probably get defensive & say you should've said something at the time or when you first asked her to go on the holiday.

SideWonder · 22/07/2023 11:26

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room

Yes, very tight and selfish. Particularly passive-aggressive hinting about the nicer room. Did you say anything at the time? Such as ignoring her hints about the balcony room, and just breezing through to it, assuming it's yours.

But I understand your dilemma here - to insist that you have the nicer room because your "friend" is there for free and so therefore you get the nice room because you've paid, seems a bit - well, venal. But your companion was extremely rude to even hint. She should have automatically taken the room w/o balcony, and she should have offered to pay the whole bar bill.

So this is someone to distance yourself from.

However, with the bar bill - couldn't you have suggested - again, quite breezily - "Let's just split it 50/50" I think sometimes we need to rehearse these things, and - even if we feel strongly - we have to practice that light breezy touch (it's the MumsNet "head tilt" and "twinkly laugh" really!)

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 22/07/2023 11:29

PUt it in writing: send her a message with your bank details asking her to pay for her airport meal, which she conveniently disappeared for, and note how disappointed you were that she literally counted pennies when splitting the final bar bill after you'd paid for her hotel room and your other friend had paid for her flight. And that you don't look at her the same way now so not sure you'll be seeing her again.

Nanny0gg · 22/07/2023 11:30

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 10:29

Next time i will ask for separate bills, would never normally do this, but if I meet for dinner or lunch again this is what I will do. To save any quibbling

Show quote history

Meet her again?

Why would you?

PlacidPenelope · 22/07/2023 11:33

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 22/07/2023 11:29

PUt it in writing: send her a message with your bank details asking her to pay for her airport meal, which she conveniently disappeared for, and note how disappointed you were that she literally counted pennies when splitting the final bar bill after you'd paid for her hotel room and your other friend had paid for her flight. And that you don't look at her the same way now so not sure you'll be seeing her again.

Agree with this, after her penny pinching on the Bar bill and her entire attitude I would have no qualms calling out her behaviour over the meal at the airport, be blunt she knew exactly what she was doing she is a freeloader.

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2023 11:38

PlacidPenelope · 22/07/2023 11:33

Agree with this, after her penny pinching on the Bar bill and her entire attitude I would have no qualms calling out her behaviour over the meal at the airport, be blunt she knew exactly what she was doing she is a freeloader.

Show quote history

Agreed. Two can play at that game.

SideWonder · 22/07/2023 11:39

Next time we ate out, on return at the airport, I had to pay as she went to the loo as flight was called and was ages ! And no never offered to pay her share

OMG, that is just mean. For me, there really wouldn't be a "next time I see her." I wouldn't be seeing her ...

You are very kind and tolerant @Whiteparasol

Scienceadvisory · 22/07/2023 11:41

So she didn't get the balcony room, nor did she even ask for it? You just interpreted a comment she made as being a passive aggressive dig? Honestly, I would see the comment you quoted as actually her just confirming you were taking the balcony room.

The rest of it she sounds selfish and tight. She should have paid for the drinks and treated you to a spa treatment if you wanted one. But I disagree with you on the room and find it odd that you worded the OP to make it sound like she had taken that room when she didn't.

Mumtothreegirlies · 22/07/2023 11:45

Yuck what an awful friend and person. I cannot fathom in my brain how
a) she can Insist on the balcony room
b) why she didn’t pay for all drinks on the holiday.
this would be enough for me (personally) to cut her off I would be so mad and irritated by it I could never face her again.

Newestname002 · 22/07/2023 11:46

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 22/07/2023 09:22

I wouldn't be inviting her anywhere after that.

Absolutely. She's shown her true colours and I wouldn't want to waste my energy in actively being friends. 🌹

ThinWomansBrain · 22/07/2023 11:47

I couldn't be bothered picking her up on it - waste of time and space; it would mean spending time with her.

I did once join a friend who had a flat abroad, she was there for a month, I joined for a week, so just paid my flight. I wasn't working at the time and couldn't afford to treat her to lots of meals out - but I did pay for some meals out and did loads of supermarket shopping & the cooking while I was there. I still feel guilty about it.