Is this tight ?!

[Whiteparasol]

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

Is she a close friend?

I’d be stating, thanks for coming on this holiday at last minute with you and hope you had a good time.

I’d also say, sorry you didn’t get the balcony room but it’s my main holiday (if it was and this happened) so felt I deserved it.

I was a bit shocked that you didn’t offer to pay for the bar bill as you essentially got a free holiday and it would have also have been nice to have been treats to a spa treatment or something to say thank you.

Then leave the hall in her court. If she offers to take you out etc then accept. Decide if you want to proceed with friendship on how she acts re this.

How come there was a small fee for name change on the flights but the flights were also non refundable and your original friend lost her money?

Which is it?

This is normal, I'm not sure why you're questioning? Friend still lost the money but the flight wasn't wasted

Wow, she is unbelievable!

Surely she means New Guest used the flights and just paid the name change fee so Original Guest missed out on the flights.

It is a bit tight but different friends have different ways of handling money. I’ve got an ex best friend that on every meal out etc we went on we split the bill exactly and was almost a running joke with other friends. Turned out she was or had been saving for a flat deposit. I think if you mention why this is treason you’re tight you know. Anyway one night we were out with my best friend and others and best friend not tight but says it like it is and called her on splitting the bill. She said it quite bluntly/a bit rude but I could see her point.

If that's the case then OG friend paid for cheeky friend's flights, essentially? As cheeky friend didn't pay cost of flights just a small fee for name change?

I have just come back from a holiday where I stayed with a friend at their invitation. Whilst there I did a supermarket shop, put petrol in the car as she was driving us around and took her out for 3 lunches/dinner over the week. Honestly I thought this was a small price to pay for a week in a very far flung location. Your friend is unbelievably tight!

OG friend lost the money but cheeky friend didn't pay the cost of the flight? Just paid small fee for name change.

So OG friend has also been diddled by cheeky friend, hence OP's drinks being paid doesn't recompense OG friend?

OP I had read your opener and misunderstood thinking you had already addressed it with her. I was cheering you on as I've a friend who alway pulls stunts like this, is ungrateful and self entitled.

I have massively pulled back from our friendship but I am irked that I never addressed it with her and plan to be all over it if we are ever in company again as part of a group.

I don't think you should make jokes or be passive aggressive. I think you should say in person
"Listen I need to get this off my chest. I was taken aback when you itemised the bar bill at the end of the holiday. It made me feel taken advantage of considering I paid for the hotel and original friend paid for the flights. In your shoes I would have been grabbing an opportunity to pay for the whole bill never mind quibbling over pennies like that."

@allthewaytobeanotown no but it would at least recompense OP on the cost of the hotel. Friend has accepted loosing flight as it would have happened regardless

What did the split work out in the end of not £40 eaxh?

Could it be she owed more so wanted to be fair?

Or it was more like £20 her (cokes) and £60 (you) where seemed fairer to her to work it out.

Yes she could still say then she'd go 50/50 then but that's not really her treating you in either case. Or a "thank you" unless she really clearly laid it out (well my share is £20 but I'll pay £40 as a thank you -is an awkward as fuck sentence -bit if she doesn't say it then you'd still be thinking she hadn't treated you /said thanks)

She probably planned to take you out for a separate meal when home. Then it's nice and clear what is happening.

Thank you , yes absolutely how I feel

Should have addressed at the time but was a bit taken aback

Will address in person and be direct

Thanks , yes that is exactly it !

Astonishingly rude and CF! Was the original plan always that you would cover the whole hotel as a gift to original friend? Or was original friend going to split that cost? I suppose if you were already going to pay then at least you aren't in a worse position financially, though the replacement friend still seems to have given no credence to the fact that she's massively benefited from a treat intended for someone else! I wondered if she thought it had been covered by insurance but that doesn't work as it wouldn't have them been possible to still use the flight and room.

As she didn't originally choose the holiday I think it's fair that she didn't expect to cover the full cost of half the accommodation and flights but the fact that she offered NOTHING at all, not even £40 for your drinks is really shocking. She made the decision to come so presumably she wanted to! I don't know how these people justify it to themselves. Greedy, grasping and self centred. And she sulked about you having the balcony room, Good God!

I'm also open mouthed at the poster with the C F friend in Australia. I hope when she told you what you "owed" you presented her with half the cost of the motor home hire and petrol.

If I'd been treated to a free holiday, I'd have paid the full £80 drinks bill.

But spending a lot of money on beauty treatments sounds like she's a bit of a bore anyway. I suspect this is a friendship that will fade away.

I once went away with some family on an overnight. I was a stand in as someone else dropped out. It was a cheap deal but I offered to pay my share. Family declined as it had been booked and paid for months previously. I then covered the whole bar bill for the evening. Fair is fair. Your friend is so very tight!!

Something like this?

"Dear Friend,

Now we are back from the holiday, and I have had time to reflect, there is something I would like to raise with you.

As you know, I paid for the whole holiday, including flights - so you only had to pay for the flight change fee, in order to enjoy an inclusive holiday at a nice hotel. Given how generous this was, I was shocked, to say the least, that you insisted on quibbling about the drinks bill, down to the last penny. If you had been short on cash, I might have understood, but given your spending in the spa, money was clearly not a problem for you.

Had I been treated to a luxury, inclusive holiday, for the tiny cost of the flight changes, I would not have quibbled about not getting the room with the balcony, and I would definitely not have been so tight over the drinks bill. In fact, I would have offered to pay for all of it, as a thank you to the friend who took me on the holiday.

I don't want this to spoil our friendship, but I do feel I need to let you know how offended I was by your tightness.

Yours, @Whiteparasol."

I'd have to say something. Good luck phrasing it, OP, but you have to say something. She sounds incredibly ungrateful!

Exact split from memory was a couple.of quid more for me to pay, a fiver I think.

Next time we ate out, on return at the airport, I had to pay as she went to the loo as flight was called and was ages ! And no never offered to pay her share

I will be all over it if we meet again and will also be direct and say I feel taken advantage of and it's separate bills as well

It's really not that hard to understand! 🤦‍♀️

Omg, your update about the airport meal! There is no way her disappearing when the bill was due was an accident. I bet she thinks she's such a special person you are lucky to have her company, so you can pay for it!

My friend had a camping holiday booked for her family with house guests of theirs who pulled out. She offered the hired tent for us for two nights of the week.

We offered to pay, she said no they've already covered it and no refund possible.

We thanked her and compiled a shopping list at our end so we could do the meals and alcohol for the two families for the two nights.

A storm came and their camping holiday got cut short midweek.

I suggested we go with the kids for a sleepover in a hotel instead. My treat this time.

This is how friends behave; if you're taking turns you don't split bills, you take the next opportunity to pay.

She's an outrageous CF; fine with being treated yet demanding you go Dutch.

Ah well this is where you need to speak out straight away. "Hi, just had pay meal bill while you were in the loo. I'll send you my bank details so you can transfer £x now".

Oh god - that's really selfish of her!
I'd be sending her a message to say
'' thanks for a wonderful trip away together. I wanted to chat to you about the holiday expenses. Whilst I was happy to treat you to the holiday I was a expecting you may share more of the expenses - such as our bar bill. I understand we didn't discuss expenses or payments before we left so maybe there was a misunderstanding on my part. I'd love to hear your views.''
Then if you want to preserve the friendship you can say ''I'd like us to be open so there no miscommunication in future..looking forward to catching up soon.'