Is this tight ?!

[Whiteparasol]

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

For me the bare minimum would be for her to pay the bar bill, treat you to a spa treatment and buy you a thank you gift once you got home.

Agreed.

When raising something after the fact it can be helpful to decide what you want out of the conversation.... money repayment? Maybe just acknowledgement and an apology? Whatever it is, be clear with yourself first. If the other person does see their mistake it can be awful if they're left hanging with no clear way to make amends.

I distanced a CF friend over something similar, she sulked about feeling ripped off because she paid for three lunches (no alcohol) when she'd had a five star hotel and long haul flights for free.

The absolute entitlement of some people is shocking.

Tight AF!

It would be the last time that friend got an invitation like that from me.

Good question from PP earlier , what do I expect to get out of saying anything

Its not money now, but for her to know I think she was mean, and has poor manners. Ie I'm not a mug and I do think she is a CF

The update about the meal in the departure lounge confirms that she is a CF and not someone making a genuine mistake. She would have left the cash/card or made a transfer once she got back if she was the sort of person for whom it's really important to divide things down to the last penny.

I think I'd message her saying I felt upset about paying for the airport meal and dividing the bar bill item by item when I had been happy to cover the whole hotel bill. It would be very passive aggressive and 100% goady to add a sentence saying you wouldn't want her to risk any upsets if she went away with someone else who was less understanding than you🙄

"Listen I need to get this off my chest. I was taken aback when you itemised the bar bill at the end of the holiday. It made me feel taken advantage of considering I paid for the hotel and original friend paid for the flights. In your shoes I would have been grabbing an opportunity to pay for the whole bill never mind quibbling over pennies like that."

If you wish to be direct with her this is perfect
She'll almost certainly whine/be offended and it may well cost you the "friendship", but would that really be any loss?

Totally shit friend. Dump them

you're not meant to give a gift expecting something back. She can't afford to bunk £80 on drinks

When you know someone pretty well, especially well enough to take a chance on travelling with on a holiday, you can probably 'interpret' their feelings/comments pretty well.

I reckon OP knows the CF well enough to know from tone, look, words exactly how aggrieved the CF felt over getting the 'lesser' room in her mind.

Just have the conversation when you agree to her going on the holiday.

I always do this with friends when we go anywhere- mainly because of one friend who thinks I should offer to pay for her (and her DC if they are with her) every time but never offers to pay for me or my DC.

'We'll just pay for ourselves'
'This is my treat. I'd like to treat you to breakfast.'
'We'll just get our own bills.'
'I think it's your turn is it? '

I am so sick of people who wriggle out of paying for what they've had. The 'we'll just split it two ways' when they always have several alcoholic drinks and 3 courses and I have a drink and two courses.

We went out with friends (a couple) recently who turned up with her brother and his wife. At the end of the meal ( 6 adults, bill came to approx £300) our friend said to DH - 'Split it with you?' (That is what we usually do with them). DH said 'Yeah' and I said 'Well, we should split it 3 ways- 3 couples'.

Afterwards DH said 'That was a bit awkward when he said about splitting it just us.' But he was just going to go along with it because it was 'awkward' to speak up and they were being CFs.

Just have the conversation at the start.

I think we have the same friend !

Yes own bills it is , as for the PP who said she couldn't afford 80 on drinks , she spent 300 at the hotel spa and more on shopping, and ate free for 10 days so offering to go halves on an 80 bar bill would be good manners rather than going through line by line and insisting I paid 45 and she paid 35...

If you gave her the balcony room, then you bloody deserved it that she only paid for her drinks. You're too nice no, you're half a mug half a sucker.
Jokes aside now you know what she's like...? Byebye! Don't let the door hit you on the way out love!

It's super tight. Say it to her, and then come back and tell us her response!

no, offering to go halves is not good manners - paying the whole thing is. I can't believe she had room and board for free and wasn't paying for you to have treatments, picking up the bar tab and presenting you with a beautiful gift on the last day. Do say it, these people need to be called out to stamp out CFery

Yes agree.

One night we went for a walk and stopped at a bar after dinner , I said should we get a drink , her response was o are you treating me, I could slap myself now for not saying no you are paying you cf

I don't think I can wait till I see her see to say something as I'm feeling very cross

Will message her

You're too nice OP no you're a mug.

We went out with friends (a couple) recently who turned up with her brother and his wife. At the end of the meal ( 6 adults, bill came to approx £300) our friend said to DH - 'Split it with you?' (That is what we usually do with them). DH said 'Yeah' and I said 'Well, we should split it 3 ways- 3 couples'.

Afterwards DH said 'That was a bit awkward when he said about splitting it just us.' But he was just going to go along with it because it was 'awkward' to speak up and they were being CFs.

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From the above I'd assume the other chap just meant 2 of them pay and say sure -1/3 us 2/3 you. Which politely confirms the situation without actually accusing them of trying to fiddle you.

Wow that you funded the hotel for her, I would have asked her to pay for that!
Yes all her behaviour seems she sees you as a cash cow, disappearing at the airport.

Was she serious? She’s an absolutely freeloading CF. Any decent friend would be treating YOU to a few drinks and spa treatments.

Don't ever give her a penny again - she’s got short arms and long pockets. Hate tightness anyway but hate piss taking tightness even more.

That's isn't true. The OP explained earlier that she spent several hundred pounds on spa treatments.

I have messaged her , not as bluntly as an earlier post suggested

Said I am not able to pay for her again if we meet and we need separate bills etc and I am not able to treat her any more to meals drinks. Was about as far as I felt comfortable going on text

She has replied, just o yes you are always so generous

Perfect!
text back saying how you feel that generosity has been taken advantage of and that you are extremely disappointed in her treatment of you

Total cheeky fucker.

She should be mortified and asking to take you out for dinner, her treat.