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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this tight ?!

389 replies

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

OP posts:
Firkinhavinalaugh · 22/07/2023 10:12

Send her a bill for the room she stayed in

Wheresmyrobe · 22/07/2023 10:13

"Hi friend, hope you enjoyed the holiday. I was a bit annoyed that you wanted to break down the drinks bill. You had a free holiday and I felt you could have covered that as a thank you to be honest."

Wheresmyrobe · 22/07/2023 10:14

Firkinhavinalaugh · 22/07/2023 10:12

Send her a bill for the room she stayed in

This would be tempting after her behaviour

nettie434 · 22/07/2023 10:14

'Tight' is a total understatement. Of course she should have paid the whole bar bill to say thank you and bought you a spa treatment too. Of course she should have wanted you to have the balcony room when she was getting a free holiday (bar the flight). Being tight when it comes to sharing but self indulgent when it comes to treating oneself is a very unattractive trait.

Hope you and your original friend who missed out have a wonderful time when you go away to make up for her missing out on this trip.

janeyredlion · 22/07/2023 10:15

It's hard to say these thing's retrospectively, it would have been better to say it at the time but I do get that her behaviour was quite shocking in quibbling the bar bill and you might have felt a bit speechless

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 10:15

Magnoliafarm · 22/07/2023 10:10

I had similar when I went to visit an old very close friend who has emigrated to Australia. She only booked 1 week of annual leave so I spent 1 week on my own before meeting her. I want mad keen for a holiday on my own but I wasn't going to spend £600 and 28 hours celling each way for only 1 week.
After i had booked flights she booked in to a work conference the day i landed in her city. I had to sleep on the sofa of her air bnb that she had booked with her colleagues that I had never met. I had to pick up the key from the conference centre. Both were in a suburb about an hour from the city centre. She spent the evening at a gala and night out after with her colleagues that she said she would invite me to but she never sent me their location.
Then for our joint holiday we rented a motorhome, I did all the driving as she didn't have a licence yet. We did a 2000 mile road trip. I had paid for and arranged the hire.
We had similar jobs, i was more senior than her but as she was working in rural oz she was earning more than double what I was with cheaper rent (health care...).
On day 4 she produced a piece of paper with a list of every penny she had spent. Including a 50p cup of tea! She told me I owed her £13.50. We had a massive argument and it rained the whole rest of the holiday. She didn't back down. I just thought as she was hosting and i had paid for flights and was doing all the driving she would pay for living expenses while out there.
I haven't been out to see her since.
In her defence she is a triplet with 3 step siblings so i imagine splitting things equally is deeply ingrained!!

O my goodness, I hope you didn't pay her !

OP posts:
Misty84 · 22/07/2023 10:16

Wheresmyrobe · 22/07/2023 10:13

"Hi friend, hope you enjoyed the holiday. I was a bit annoyed that you wanted to break down the drinks bill. You had a free holiday and I felt you could have covered that as a thank you to be honest."

This!
So cheeky of her, I’d be fuming!

Cheesusisgrate · 22/07/2023 10:16

Are you 100% sure she was aware you paid the hotel nlt the friend who was originally supposed to go?

olympicsrock · 22/07/2023 10:19

She is an absolute CF. Friendship would be over if it was me.

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 10:20

Cheesusisgrate · 22/07/2023 10:16

Are you 100% sure she was aware you paid the hotel nlt the friend who was originally supposed to go?

Yes I told her at the outset

OP posts:
Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 10:21

olympicsrock · 22/07/2023 10:19

She is an absolute CF. Friendship would be over if it was me.

But do CFs know they are CFs?

That's why I need to say something , and do they know they are tight !?

OP posts:
Naunet · 22/07/2023 10:25

anonymousnotyourbusiness · 22/07/2023 10:02

I know that OP already stated that to me after you jumped at me... Thanks for clarifying it again

Show quote history

She’d already said it previously, and my post crossed with hers, no need to get touchy over it.

Scottishskifun · 22/07/2023 10:26

Personally I would go passive aggressive. Would leave it til she mentions the holiday or if out ask her if she wishes to line by line itemise like the bar bill and leave it at that she will get the message!

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 10:29

Scottishskifun · 22/07/2023 10:26

Personally I would go passive aggressive. Would leave it til she mentions the holiday or if out ask her if she wishes to line by line itemise like the bar bill and leave it at that she will get the message!

Next time i will ask for separate bills, would never normally do this, but if I meet for dinner or lunch again this is what I will do. To save any quibbling

OP posts:
anonymousnotyourbusiness · 22/07/2023 10:30

Naunet · 22/07/2023 10:25

She’d already said it previously, and my post crossed with hers, no need to get touchy over it.

Show quote history

That's what I meant she said it previously not after(typo). If you got touchy over what I commented then that's all on you, don't project it onto me, have a wonderful day

DoubleTime · 22/07/2023 10:31

I had a friend that I let stay in my flat for free whilst she saved a deposit for her next place. We saw somewhere and spoke about sharing (I lived alone and would rent my flat which wasn't really big enough for two). To secure the new place would mean putting money down now, before I was ready to let my own flat. She had no problem with this, even when I pointed out I could get caught out paying for 2 places if my flat didn't rent quickly. She just said 'That's your choice'. At that moment I decided to pull out of the proposed flat share. She stood there in front of me apparently oblivious to the fact that she had been staying with me for 6 weeks rent-free, quite prepared for me to possibly pay hundreds extra so we could get this new flat.

Yes, I think you have to say something. Has she made any attempt to thank you, sent a gift, given you a hug and an enthusiastic 'thanks, I had a great time !' ??

Batalax · 22/07/2023 10:33

You should have something when she presented you with the itemised bill.

But you should still definitely say something now. I assume it’s ruined the friendship anyway so you’ve got nothing to lose?

Original poster
Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 10:35

At the moment she is quite oblivious

I need to say something as I'm very irritated and if she gets offended so be it

If No one tells her she won't know how tight she comes across!

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 22/07/2023 10:38

She’s a prick Op

who on earth has voted YABU?! Why?!

Intriguedbythis · 22/07/2023 10:38

that is so tight - but you should absolutely have spoken up about it
people like that need it spelled out so they understand you’re not a pushover x

Destinedforfakeness · 22/07/2023 10:39

This is absolutely cheeky fucker behaviour. I do wonder if people who are cf know though. I think it's mixed!

But yeah the idea that you're getting a free holiday and don't pick up a small bar bill is mad to me. But I'm more generous so maybe it's just a mindset l

Thegoodthieves · 22/07/2023 10:39

Even if she didn’t know OP had covered her part of the hotel I think she should have picked up the bar bill- she’s had a free holiday and it would be like saying thank you for choosing me for this over someone else.

DoubleTime · 22/07/2023 10:42

Why don't you tell her you are taking the friend who needed to cancel for a holiday since she missed out, and ask her if she would like to contribute ? And when she says no, point out that you and your other friend paid for her holiday and she didn't treat you to a glass of wine whilst you were there.

ThatFraggle · 22/07/2023 10:42

Thegoodthieves · 22/07/2023 10:39

Even if she didn’t know OP had covered her part of the hotel I think she should have picked up the bar bill- she’s had a free holiday and it would be like saying thank you for choosing me for this over someone else.

"OP, I'm getting a massage this afternoon. Would you like one also, my treat?"

That's bare minimum.

EsmeSusanOgg · 22/07/2023 10:43

@Whiteparasol maybe make a slightly pointed joke?

Meet with her and other friends for a drink/ coffee and say "You're not going to quibble over the cost of who had the most expensive coffee/ cocktail etc. again like you did when the bar bill came for the free holiday you had?"

See if she/ anyone else says anything before expanding.