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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this tight ?!

389 replies

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

OP posts:
Oceanus · 24/07/2023 21:42

OP, honestly they don't make them like you anymore! I'd be seething at this CF and your revenge is "splitting the bill from now on". I'd be standing outside the restaurant with my foot accidentally on purpose stretched in front of her ooopsy daisy! And I'd be laughing when she hit the floor (in my head anyway).

LovePoppy · 24/07/2023 21:52

I think are unreasonable for not setting expectations at the beginning.

she should have offered, but as you were covering her holiday maybe she thinks you have far more money than you do?

id back way off.

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 24/07/2023 22:08

LovePoppy · 24/07/2023 21:52

I think are unreasonable for not setting expectations at the beginning.

she should have offered, but as you were covering her holiday maybe she thinks you have far more money than you do?

id back way off.

Setting what expectations?

I expect you to buy me a gift?
I don't expect you to itemise a drinks bill.
I don't expect you to dodge your airport meal bill and then not transfer me the money when you said you would.

How would any of those things come up?

When you've been very generous to someone and then they are tight back it's a very unpleasant situation. You're only really entitled to ask for the 'owed' money (in this case the airport meal) but it's doubly offensive because it's a blatant lack of acknowledgement of all the generosity you've shown already.

namechangenacy · 24/07/2023 22:23

Op do not let it go.

I put money on it she's hoping you will forget about the money at the airport.

She sounds like CF and knows it tbh. People like your friend has no shame !

ThereIbledit · 24/07/2023 22:37

She is quite charming and complimentary, but when I think back, she never has money for a taxi or can't break a note , if you are in a market etc never has cash , all small amounts but never gives back

There you go. I knew it would come out sooner or later.

She's a Grade A CF.

nettie434 · 24/07/2023 22:40

Setting what expectations?

I expect you to buy me a gift?
I don't expect you to itemise a drinks bill.
I don't expect you to dodge your airport meal bill and then not transfer me the money when you said you would.

Exactly, *Iwishmymumwouldbemymum^.

As the thread shows, almost everyone would automatically buy the OP a gift, pick up the bar bill and pay for the airport meal as a way of saying thank you.

WhiteParasol I think making it clear you noticed that she sneakily didn't pay her share at the airport and splitting everything 50:50 from now on is about as far as you will get with this particular CF. If sepatrate bills are possible, I loved the idea upthread of having the odd fiver and some coins to prevent the rubbish 'only got £20 note' tactic.

swimlyn · 24/07/2023 22:44

No amount of beauty treatments would fix that ugliness.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 24/07/2023 23:11

swimlyn · 24/07/2023 22:44

No amount of beauty treatments would fix that ugliness.

Post of the day.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2023 02:27

Awful. I really think you should send that text posted this evening that a few of us cited. It was absolutely spot on.

mangochops · 25/07/2023 06:41

Well, this was expected really wasnt it? her comment that she'd "try" to transfer the money was a huge red flag that she wasnt going to and never planned to do it. Notice how she didnt "try" to have some spa treatments, she did them without hesitation because they were important to her. When its something important to you, she doesnt GAF.

I agree with sending another message but I'd be extremely wary of meeting up with her again even if you intend to split the bill because there are multiple ways she could get out of it and you'll end up paying anyway. Eg "oh my goodness, I've forgotten my purse, my bank card isnt working- there's probably an issue with the bank, Urgh, I'm so sorry, I dont have any cash on me- silly me, tee hee!" etc.

You'll end up paying because you cant leave a restaurant or cafe without paying for everything and the entire ridiculous charade will continue, with her "trying" to pay you back and never actually doing so. I'm really not sure why you'd even want to meet up with her again now she's shown her ugly inner self.

Wheresmyrobe · 25/07/2023 06:53

Completely unsurprised she hasn't paid. She wasn't too busy for a free holiday though was she!

moonlitnoir · 25/07/2023 08:08

swimlyn · 24/07/2023 22:44

No amount of beauty treatments would fix that ugliness.

This. With bells on.

Fraaahnces · 25/07/2023 09:45

I think the reminder to pay is going to have to come with a message about how resentful you are that she has taken advantage of you for years. Do you have mutual friends who say anything about this?

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 25/07/2023 09:49

Fraaahnces · 25/07/2023 09:45

I think the reminder to pay is going to have to come with a message about how resentful you are that she has taken advantage of you for years. Do you have mutual friends who say anything about this?

I think so too or at least resentful that she had to be reminded and chased up.

A reminder to pay (or multiple reminders) will probably result in OP getting paid back for the airport meal but she will still be irked as she has been treated badly.

Wheresmyrobe · 25/07/2023 09:53

I would send something like this today-

"Hi X, I haven't received the money yet. I'm a bit annoyed I'm having to chase you for it to be honest, especially considering the fact that you accepted a free holiday and gave me nothing by the way of thanks. I feel totally taken advantage of. Can you send it today please."

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 25/07/2023 10:00

Wheresmyrobe · 25/07/2023 09:53

I would send something like this today-

"Hi X, I haven't received the money yet. I'm a bit annoyed I'm having to chase you for it to be honest, especially considering the fact that you accepted a free holiday and gave me nothing by the way of thanks. I feel totally taken advantage of. Can you send it today please."

Spot on.

Batalax · 25/07/2023 10:07

Definitely remind her. Don’t drop this.

billy1966 · 25/07/2023 12:04

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 25/07/2023 10:00

Spot on.

Show quote history

Agree.

As an experiment I would really push this.

She is awful and certainly no friend.

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 12:15

English hospitality.
Inviting someone and expecting them to pay for it.

If I invite a friend, especially it's pretty much "free" as you weren't able to get a refund on the room... I don't expect them to remunerate me in any way.

A thank you is enough.

Especially ugly to hear that you were looking in her plate and "how much she spent on spa procedures".

If you wanted money back for entertaining a friend, open a hotel/restaurant and give people a bill written on paper, don't just quietly resent them :D

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2023 12:20

Or, English gratitude - realising that someone has been very generous towards you, and wanting to show them you are grateful (by not quibbling over the bar bill and stiffing them on an airport meal), @draxdomax.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2023 12:21

Actually - not even English gratitude - decent person gratitude!

Oceanus · 25/07/2023 12:23

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 12:15

English hospitality.
Inviting someone and expecting them to pay for it.

If I invite a friend, especially it's pretty much "free" as you weren't able to get a refund on the room... I don't expect them to remunerate me in any way.

A thank you is enough.

Especially ugly to hear that you were looking in her plate and "how much she spent on spa procedures".

If you wanted money back for entertaining a friend, open a hotel/restaurant and give people a bill written on paper, don't just quietly resent them :D

Et tu CF friend Brutus?
I don't think the issue is the friend paying for herself only. She issue is expecting to have somebody else pay for the privilege of being with her.

Boredandbitter · 25/07/2023 12:36

I would tell her she is entitled and mean.

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 13:29

@Oceanus I am not sure I understand your message at all :)
Do you mean that you agree that the issue is that the OP actually expected some money for this "friendly invitation"?

We weren't told (or I didn't see it) that the person who invited the friend was asked to pay for anything further than what they consumed.

draxdomax · 25/07/2023 13:33

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I missed the part about stiffing them for a meal - that's definitely unfriendly!

As for the first post in this thread and my opinion (YABU):

To understand it better: Take out the free room for a moment and just look at "two people having drinks" - unless I made it clear I am paying for drinks, I don't know why you'd expect me NOT to itemize just my drinks and make sure I am only paying for mine and you - for yours.

I think that's understandable?

Now, you are saying that BECAUSE a free room was involved, than the above is no longer the same.

... That means the free room wasn't ever truly free but some sort of remuneration was expected.
That makes it no longer a friendly gesture but some weird and unclear contract.
We say where I am from: "Clear bills, good friends".
...

Would I act the same? No, I would never take a free hotel room, I'd offer to pay something towards it or made a significant gesture in return that left no doubts about my gratitude.
No surprise this broken understanding of hospitality leads to disappointment.