Is this tight ?!

[Whiteparasol]

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

Thank you! It was unfortunate circumstances that led to a place being free on the holiday, but seeing an earlier poster yesterday saying she would think o well I don't have to put my hand in my pocket at all as whiteparaol should be treating me to everything , it seems that there are a lot of CFs about

I wouldn't have noticed the airport meal if she hadn't been a pain over the bar bill.

Long term done me a favour as won't pay anything for her again !

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 22/07/2023 15:00
I think you are underestimating cheeky fuckers, they know exactly what they are doing. I got to know one quite well for a while, it was almost a delight for her to grab as much as she could off people. Her response is just part of the game. If you do stick to being rigorously fair with her, expect the friendship to fade away. Unless you have something to offer them (fame, money, connections, free therapy, other services etc) they don't bother.

Exactly they charm people until those people see the patterns and put two and two together. Then they move on to the next victim. The problem is these types can be extremely good company , very Charming , complimentary etc because we don’t realise they are working us to siphon from. I attract these types or are drawn to them. So I closed myself off and started being a bore and saying no. Firstly I just can’t afford to be taken for a ride anymore but it’s in my nature to be generous and sadly nowadays I think it’s seen as human weakness, Like your foolish with money and they are streetwise . It ‘s exploitation really guised as friendship . so I have had to reign my true nature in which I hate doing btw but luckily my partner is the same as me and so we are able to relax and demonstrate our true selves and with family or donating on a more abstract level. I also find it hard to accept generosity from others now based on being exploited in that way. It’s really a killjoy to be cynical but OP Cf’s need to know that your kindness was not foolishness on your part. The game is up ‘Friend’ its a two street from now and a generous person deserves an equally generous friend .

❤It is hard when we are generous people, I pay for others when I can, but I have what I call ‘peripheral friends’ who wouldn’t consider to offer to pay for something so hang around at the edges & wait for someone else to arrange food/drinks. In that case I always ask for separate bills now & make sure I do that at the table so they hear it 😝

Totally agree with above 2 posts

I would have never thought I would.be the person asking for separate bills...but with certain people now that will be the norm going forward

She is quite charming and complimentary, but when I think back, she never has money for a taxi or can't break a note , if you are in a market etc never has cash , all small amounts but never gives back

Took the bar bill for me to suddenly see how tight she is , not tight spending on herself but tight as in prefers others to pay I think

This is why I always carry cash on me. I've got out of a few CF situations by giving my share in £5 notes and £1 coins.

Recently a friend had a birthday dinner at a restaurant and four of his friends (strangers to me) walked out without paying. Friend then expected the rest of us to split their share amongst us. I gave friend my share in cash and said I had to get home.

When tipping, I leave the tip so that the CF can't nab it, often that means slipping a fiver into the waiting staff's hand just as we're walking out.

That reminds me of when I won tickets for something and invited a friend and her DC. She offered to get me a hot drink which I said thank you for. Then she tried to pay for ice creams and I said thank you but I'm happy to get ours. She said about how I'd given her the tickets but they hadn't cost me anything either so a hot drink as a thank you seemed fine but ice creams as well (all still well below the ticket value) didn't quite seem fair.

But I think better of her as a friend for offering and understanding the value of what I'd given her (although free to me would have been ££ to her) and hopefully she thinks well of me not expecting her to pay when what I gave her didn't cost me anything.

CFs are CFs as long as we let them but it is hard in the moment.

Yes its horrible how a tight person makes you become less generous.

I have a friend a bit like this - certainly not on the scale of your CF - she's very nice but it's always someone else who picks up the taxi cost or other small things.

We did splitwise on our last break and I felt so guilty and petty chasing her up for less than £20, but equally if I had owed that money I would have settled it the same day.

ugh "can't break a note" drives me mad, soooooo cheap 😡

Time to reconsider your friendship!!

You are clearly a very lovely person.

Please don't let the friend you took take advantage of you. It's not too late to speak up (or if you're not confident in outwardly doing so - then be incredibly cool with her and if she asks you why you are being like this then express why. She needs to know that this sort of CF-ery won't fly!)! You've done such a lovely thing even inviting her, but she's taken advantage in a big way.

This makes my blood boil.

@Whiteparasol any response from her OP? As the money landed in your account yet?!

I think you need to have your say OP.

"Hi, you didn't transfer the money. I can't tell you how irritated and hurt I feel that I've had to a) ask you in the first place and then b) chase you up on this. Myself and hospital friend funded your holiday. Your response to itemise a bar bill, dodge an airport meal bill and not offer either of us anything as a thank you while spending heavily on spa treatments for yourself has shocked me. I feel very very used and don't see our friendship continuing now. "

I hope OP will chase that bank transfer today.

Exactly this! I just couldn’t stay friends with someone like this, it’s so mean spirited😳

I’d have pushed off the damn balcony, what a horrible tight wad. Free holiday and she demands the best room? I’d bill her for it, she how she likes it.

I'd bill her for her bloody audacity alone! Tight cow.

Thats a friendship I would let quietly die off and give no further thought to her

This CF sounds exactly like my MIL. Unfortunately some people have no concept of what’s decent and fair and will let you keep paying for them as much as possible without feeling any guilt. My MIL is oblivious to the fact that she’s actually not been invited to places by friends because of it, she doesn’t see that this is the reason. You can say something but people like this genuinely have the skin of a rhino and will make you feel petty. Don’t ever invite her again.

Too late now
You should have told her at the time

Please please say this. It's perfect 👌

do you really need us to tell you? 🤷🏻‍♀️

This. She’s not a friend.

this is awful.

I’ve just been for a weekend away with a friend - we agreed to split it - we split everything taxis, hotels etc and I made sure I transferred her the money before I went home.

To be honest I don't think she's done anything wrong. You told her about paying to change the flights, that says that she doesn't need to pay for anything else. like literally - "Hey X, would you like to come on holiday with me, Y can't come and so rather than my going alone and the place being wasted, could you come? You'd need to get the flights changed for X amount." Or "Hey X, Y can't come on holiday with me, I don't want to go alone, and Y doesn't want to lose the money, so would you like to go, you'd need to reimburse Y for M amount + F to change the name on the flight." Also with the drinks, drinks are such different amounts, so adding up what you've each had is very reasonable. I think this is a case of, it's kind of you to ask someone to come on holiday with you, and it's kind of you to gift someone a holiday, but it is your responsibility to make it clear. Rule one: If you don't want to gift someone something, make it abundantly clear you are not.

Yes she is tight. I would ditch her as a friend. The older I get the less tolerant I am of CFs. So at the time of splitting the bar bill this is when I would have said to the CF. You have had a practically free holiday and you are quibbling over a few pound on the bill. We will split 50/50 although really as I paid for the holiday I would think you could treat me to a few drinks.

i mostly agree with this.

But she should still pay her share of the airport meal, and by end of today would be the latest possible "okay" thing to do - she may need to be at home to set up new people and out yesterday - so Monday evening seems reasonable as it taking to now to do.
(my bank app - barclays - forgets anyone after 13 months non use, very annoying)

OP - please tell me you have chased up CF friend for the airport meal money!