Page 11 | Is this tight ?!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 23/07/2023 21:14

Basically if you see her again whether she pays you or not you’d be within your rights to blank her. If she asks why say you don’t deal with CF so called friends.

Original poster

Whiteparasol · 23/07/2023 21:18

Seaweed42 · 23/07/2023 19:40

Perhaps with the entirely free holiday you gave off the signal that you are very wealthy, generous and usually pay for everything, no?
Would you have gone on holiday alone?
I guess if it was me, I might think 'oh OP is paying for the flights, the accommodation, the transfers and everything. She really wants to treat me on this holiday so I don't need to put my hand in my pocket, she obviously wants to pay for absolutely everything'.
Unless she is as wealthy as you are. If you are on a very much higher salary then maybe she thought you were buying everything and taking care of the drinks bill as well, seeing as you had insisted on paying for the flights and hotels.
My point being, how was she to know what was 'included' in the bit you were treating her to.

Er because it was made plain at the outset that alcoholic drinks were not included and no I was not treating her to those

The only reason I asked her along was not to waste an expensive flight, there was someone else I know who would have come but friend who came really wanted to come and at the time I hadn't realised how tight she was

OP posts:

leopard22 · 23/07/2023 21:30

Seaweed42 · 23/07/2023 19:40

Perhaps with the entirely free holiday you gave off the signal that you are very wealthy, generous and usually pay for everything, no?
Would you have gone on holiday alone?
I guess if it was me, I might think 'oh OP is paying for the flights, the accommodation, the transfers and everything. She really wants to treat me on this holiday so I don't need to put my hand in my pocket, she obviously wants to pay for absolutely everything'.
Unless she is as wealthy as you are. If you are on a very much higher salary then maybe she thought you were buying everything and taking care of the drinks bill as well, seeing as you had insisted on paying for the flights and hotels.
My point being, how was she to know what was 'included' in the bit you were treating her to.

If you ever find yourself in the position where you get a free holiday from your friend, for everyone's sake, please change your mindset that it means you get EVERYTHING included otherwise you'll find yourself as the subject of. Mumsnet thread about CF too

FlipFlop1987 · 23/07/2023 21:51

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 20:32

@DrySherry

do you really believe that?

Show quote history

Took the words out my mouth. Genuinely you think it would be a hardship having a totally free holiday for 10 days and spending half your time in the spa

LoisLane66 · 23/07/2023 23:22

I clicked on YANBU but you were remiss in not talking about costs upfront before the trip or at least, on the first evening there. Personally, I would have taken the balcony room and not entered into any discussion about her preference and you should have made the drinks bill clear in the beginning. Either each pay a daily drinks bill or preferably she pays the lot. £80 is small change compared to the cost of the holiday. She wouldn't be a friend of mine any more after that attitude and I'd say so.

LoisLane66 · 23/07/2023 23:28

.. and I certainly wouldn't think (as one poster would) that EVERYTHING was included. I would have asked what I could pay for but that's just me. I never take people for granted, nor make assumptions about their finances which are not always as they may appear.

Canisaysomething · 23/07/2023 23:43

Me and my friends would never treat each other to a holiday or anything nearly as generous. When a large amount of money is at stake, there is always disappointment. Yes she's a cheeky fucker but also, reign in the generosity.

SamW98 · 23/07/2023 23:45

Seaweed42 · 23/07/2023 19:40

Perhaps with the entirely free holiday you gave off the signal that you are very wealthy, generous and usually pay for everything, no?
Would you have gone on holiday alone?
I guess if it was me, I might think 'oh OP is paying for the flights, the accommodation, the transfers and everything. She really wants to treat me on this holiday so I don't need to put my hand in my pocket, she obviously wants to pay for absolutely everything'.
Unless she is as wealthy as you are. If you are on a very much higher salary then maybe she thought you were buying everything and taking care of the drinks bill as well, seeing as you had insisted on paying for the flights and hotels.
My point being, how was she to know what was 'included' in the bit you were treating her to.

It wouldn’t matter if the OP has got more money than the Kardashian’s- h that doesn’t give her friend the right to be a grabby freeloader.

I said earlier in thread at the absolute MINIMUM - the CF should have paid the bar bill, offered the OP a spa treatment and given her a gift as a thank you.

She’s just had a free week in the sun - surely any decent person would be grateful and not see it as a chance to milk their friend?

T1Dmama · 24/07/2023 00:28

I’ve had friends like this… they stand back when it’s time to pay for a meal, never get their purse out, or if they do they hover in the background then when I pay they just put it away and don’t offer to pay their half…. Don’t even offer to pay alternate times… now when the cashier says ‘are you paying together, I actually just pay for my own and walk off, and leave her to pay hers. Once we went out and I suggested eating and she said she wouldn’t eat as couldn’t afford it, but she’d just pay for her daughter to eat…. So I paid for her and her daughter… because no way I’d sit and eat in front of her…. Later she spent a fortune in what was then Woolworths! I felt like such a mug!! Another time she asked if I could collect her from her mums…. Thinking she was upset or it was some sort of emergency I drove the 12 miles to get her… I asked if all was ok and she said ‘yeah I just didn’t fancy catching the bus!!!!’….. I was gobsmacked! Then she said she needed a drink so we stopped to grab a coffee each and she didn’t even offer to pay for mine.. in fact I think I ended up paying for hers!! I was so upset that she had me drive 24 mile round trip just so she didn’t have to take a 20 minute bus drive… plus then didn’t even treat me to a coffee to say thanks! I honestly never remember I time that she’s ever treated me to anything despite me always being the driver.
this year I bought her adult children Easter eggs as I have done for years… and stood there talking on the doorstep and she didn’t even come out with one for my 12 year old DD… I drove away stunned and have decided now her kids are grown up I won’t be buying next Easter.
mine no idea what to do about birthdays though and Christmas as her sons is before my daughters!

AlfietheSchnauzer · 24/07/2023 01:29

Wow! You need to confront that bitch

AlfietheSchnauzer · 24/07/2023 01:31

thespy · 22/07/2023 09:49

And to answer the question I probably wouldn't bring it up unless you want a scene, but I wouldn't be making anything like the same amount of effort in future.

A scene?! Is this why there's so many CF's around these days? Because of everyone's abject phobias of the dreaded 'scene'

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/07/2023 03:12

WTF @Seaweed42 is that how you behave?

I have a bunch of friends who are significantly more wealthy than me (like 10x what I earn, some of them even more) - if they invite me out as a treat, I still offer to pay my way, treat them etc etc within my means to do so.

To assume (particularly as the OP explained, CF was well aware exactly what was covered and what was not) that the other person is wealthy so will pay for EVERYTHING no matter what is the pinnacle of CFery really!

Lacucuracha · 24/07/2023 05:54

T1Dmama · 24/07/2023 00:28

I’ve had friends like this… they stand back when it’s time to pay for a meal, never get their purse out, or if they do they hover in the background then when I pay they just put it away and don’t offer to pay their half…. Don’t even offer to pay alternate times… now when the cashier says ‘are you paying together, I actually just pay for my own and walk off, and leave her to pay hers. Once we went out and I suggested eating and she said she wouldn’t eat as couldn’t afford it, but she’d just pay for her daughter to eat…. So I paid for her and her daughter… because no way I’d sit and eat in front of her…. Later she spent a fortune in what was then Woolworths! I felt like such a mug!! Another time she asked if I could collect her from her mums…. Thinking she was upset or it was some sort of emergency I drove the 12 miles to get her… I asked if all was ok and she said ‘yeah I just didn’t fancy catching the bus!!!!’….. I was gobsmacked! Then she said she needed a drink so we stopped to grab a coffee each and she didn’t even offer to pay for mine.. in fact I think I ended up paying for hers!! I was so upset that she had me drive 24 mile round trip just so she didn’t have to take a 20 minute bus drive… plus then didn’t even treat me to a coffee to say thanks! I honestly never remember I time that she’s ever treated me to anything despite me always being the driver.
this year I bought her adult children Easter eggs as I have done for years… and stood there talking on the doorstep and she didn’t even come out with one for my 12 year old DD… I drove away stunned and have decided now her kids are grown up I won’t be buying next Easter.
mine no idea what to do about birthdays though and Christmas as her sons is before my daughters!

She’s not a friend, please stop buying her or kids adult children presents or easter eggs or birthday cards or coffees or giving lifts!

She gets nothing from now on, please!

mangochops · 24/07/2023 07:03

T1Dmama · 24/07/2023 00:28

I’ve had friends like this… they stand back when it’s time to pay for a meal, never get their purse out, or if they do they hover in the background then when I pay they just put it away and don’t offer to pay their half…. Don’t even offer to pay alternate times… now when the cashier says ‘are you paying together, I actually just pay for my own and walk off, and leave her to pay hers. Once we went out and I suggested eating and she said she wouldn’t eat as couldn’t afford it, but she’d just pay for her daughter to eat…. So I paid for her and her daughter… because no way I’d sit and eat in front of her…. Later she spent a fortune in what was then Woolworths! I felt like such a mug!! Another time she asked if I could collect her from her mums…. Thinking she was upset or it was some sort of emergency I drove the 12 miles to get her… I asked if all was ok and she said ‘yeah I just didn’t fancy catching the bus!!!!’….. I was gobsmacked! Then she said she needed a drink so we stopped to grab a coffee each and she didn’t even offer to pay for mine.. in fact I think I ended up paying for hers!! I was so upset that she had me drive 24 mile round trip just so she didn’t have to take a 20 minute bus drive… plus then didn’t even treat me to a coffee to say thanks! I honestly never remember I time that she’s ever treated me to anything despite me always being the driver.
this year I bought her adult children Easter eggs as I have done for years… and stood there talking on the doorstep and she didn’t even come out with one for my 12 year old DD… I drove away stunned and have decided now her kids are grown up I won’t be buying next Easter.
mine no idea what to do about birthdays though and Christmas as her sons is before my daughters!

This person is treating you with barely concealed contempt and using you for money and favours. Why are you worried about birthday/Christmas presents?- stop getting them, she's USING YOU and you are just blindly accepting it. Stop being a doormat and cut her off.

Stewball01 · 24/07/2023 07:24

This.

Wheresmyrobe · 24/07/2023 07:56

Make sure you follow her up for that transfer today OP. CFs have a tendency to 'forget' these things.

red78hot · 24/07/2023 08:07

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:20

No, didn't give her balcony room. She said at the time, o so you are having balcony room, she sounded a bit aggrieved and I thought FO actually

Not broke as she spent alot there on beauty treatments in the spa !

Well tight, I'd have paid the bar bill and some of the meals or at least offered my half of the holiday. I cant believe she quibbled about the balcony on a semi free holiday 🫨

Applescruffle · 24/07/2023 08:26

She really should have treated ypu to a spa treatment.

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/07/2023 08:26

She is a CF and no one can argue otherwise

Applescruffle · 24/07/2023 08:29

I didn't know what "CF" meant and decoded it must mean "crap friend" 😆 cheeky fucker works too though!!

Takeabreather23 · 24/07/2023 08:54

@Whiteparasol Just seen you have already messaged her, I was suggesting you send a message with the balance she owes you .( the airport meal )
That may have lead to the bar tab situation .

I would reply to her “and yes you are not you even penny pinched over a few drinks when
you had a free holiday from me”.

KT1995 · 24/07/2023 09:05

I guess if it was me, I might think 'oh OP is paying for the flights, the accommodation, the transfers and everything. She really wants to treat me on this holiday so I don't need to put my hand in my pocket, she obviously wants to pay for absolutely everything'

Do not not have the power of SPEECH that you can, you know, USE YOUR WORDS and ask? You can only "think"?

How funny that in your "thinking", YOU come off better than your friend in your hypothetical situation 😂

A true CF.

Grrrrdarling · 24/07/2023 09:38

Whiteparasol · 22/07/2023 09:12

Morning

I have just come back from a 10 day holiday , full board lovely hotel.

My original travelling companion couldn't make it , hospital appointment , rather than cancel another friend came. Didn't ask the other friend who came to pay anything apart from a small fee for name change on flights. Not did she offer , fine.

We had a 2 bedroom suite. Only.one room had a balcony, the other had a window.

She made it obvious when we got there she wanted balcony room, at the end of the 10 day holiday we had a bar bill of 80 quid for drinks we had with meals at the hotel as they were not included

She went through it line by line to work out who owed what, I'm like wtf, you have had a free holiday and are quibbling over 40 quid each

If I was her I would have paid the lot as a thank you

Aibu to tell her how mean I thought this was

She’s a massive CF! She got a free holiday, you gave up the balcony room & she nit picked over an £80 bar bill😒😵
I think you need to reassess who you count as ‘friends’ 😬
If I was the one on holiday with you I’d have been cheeky & asked if i could possibly have the balcony room half the time we were away - ON THE HOLIDAY I WAS GETTING FOR FREE - but I wouldn’t have expected that room & I’d have picked up the bar bill as a minimum!
I also can not believe that she has been offered to come along on a 10 day holiday & hasn’t even considered offering to pay the hospital friend her out of pocket cost of the holiday!!
The words, ‘demanding’, ‘ungrateful’, & ‘tighter than a ducks arse’ come to mind.
Watch out because I guarantee CF ‘friend’ will be badmouthing the holiday, you, the hospital friend or 1 or all 3 as soon as she can find an audience!!!

Send her the bill for her half of the holiday if she wants to get funny about £40!

What you did was a lovely thing but friend who missed out on the holiday deserves some of her money back as you managed to fill her spot. If you hadn’t filled her spot she’d be out of pocket but you filled it so she should be reimbursed, in some way, by the person taking her place.

Original poster

Whiteparasol · 24/07/2023 10:40

Grrrrdarling · 24/07/2023 09:38

She’s a massive CF! She got a free holiday, you gave up the balcony room & she nit picked over an £80 bar bill😒😵
I think you need to reassess who you count as ‘friends’ 😬
If I was the one on holiday with you I’d have been cheeky & asked if i could possibly have the balcony room half the time we were away - ON THE HOLIDAY I WAS GETTING FOR FREE - but I wouldn’t have expected that room & I’d have picked up the bar bill as a minimum!
I also can not believe that she has been offered to come along on a 10 day holiday & hasn’t even considered offering to pay the hospital friend her out of pocket cost of the holiday!!
The words, ‘demanding’, ‘ungrateful’, & ‘tighter than a ducks arse’ come to mind.
Watch out because I guarantee CF ‘friend’ will be badmouthing the holiday, you, the hospital friend or 1 or all 3 as soon as she can find an audience!!!

Send her the bill for her half of the holiday if she wants to get funny about £40!

What you did was a lovely thing but friend who missed out on the holiday deserves some of her money back as you managed to fill her spot. If you hadn’t filled her spot she’d be out of pocket but you filled it so she should be reimbursed, in some way, by the person taking her place.

Show quote history

Thanks ! I didn't give her the balcony room but we shared balcony throughout holiday

OP posts:

Grrrrdarling · 24/07/2023 10:46

Whiteparasol · 24/07/2023 10:40

Thanks ! I didn't give her the balcony room but we shared balcony throughout holiday

Show quote history

That seems reasonable & normal.
I wish I had friends who could take me away on a free holiday 😘
She should be grateful.
I’m just going through the rest of your replies to see how the whole situation panned out as I didn’t see the bit about you not giving her the balcony room until after I posted my comment & we can’t edit on MN.
Hard to let relationships go but sometimes we have to because they just don’t value the relationship like we do.
I am embarrassed for the CF 😬but can guarantee they won’t be embarrassed by their behaviour 🙄