Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - child in white dress a wedding

94 replies

sweetdevil90 · 21/07/2023 23:26

So obviously it's a no-no for a grown up to wear a white dress as a wedding guest, but would I be unreasonable to put my 5 year old in a white dress for a wedding?
It's not too frilly or fussy, and she really wants to wear it. Would it be a massive Faux pas, or can a 5 year old get away with it?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 22/07/2023 11:36

Happy wedding day @halfthesun ! May the wind chase the clouds away!

Ifailed · 22/07/2023 11:37

just send a pic of the dress to the bride so she can give her opinion

Or the Groom, or don't they have a say?

10HailMarys · 22/07/2023 11:39

Scunnered123 · 22/07/2023 11:15

It's 2023, I didn't think it mattered what anyone wore to a wedding these days.

Wedding attire is one those things where Mumsnet seems to have an opinion that’s entirely detached from the real world.

Namechange828492 · 22/07/2023 11:40

At my wedding my flower girl was very upset as two other girls were in exactly the same bridesmaid dress but a colour she preferred. I didn't care but she was sad, i would therefore check first

Ponoka7 · 22/07/2023 11:41

Ifailed · 22/07/2023 11:37

just send a pic of the dress to the bride so she can give her opinion

Or the Groom, or don't they have a say?

How many grooms would just say it's fine because they don't put thought into these things. The bride can share it with the groom, but generally the bride keeps her dress a secret and gets the bridesmaids dresses, the groom sorts out the page boys. So messaging the Bride makes sense.

Willmafrockfit · 22/07/2023 11:42

sounds fine but will it get dirty very quickly!

NancyJoan · 22/07/2023 11:44

loobylou10 · 22/07/2023 11:31

@NancyJoan I think (hope) @MissingMonday was being sarcastic?

And hyperbolic. As was I, in my reply.

lunar1 · 22/07/2023 11:47

I had a lot of children at my wedding, at least 15 girls primary age. Every one of them wore a dress someone could have picked for a bridesmaid dress.

They looked beautiful and everyone got a turn with my flowers and the photographer took pictures, they are some of my favourite.

Filament · 22/07/2023 11:56

I wouldn't bother making a drama out of it by messaging the bride about it. Just choose another dress.

UsingChangeofName · 22/07/2023 12:23

I would hesitate, as lots of flower girls wear white and I think it might look like you are trying to elbow her into the wedding party.

I guess it depends on the style though, and, to some extent the style of the bride and bridesmaid dresses.

If I were close to the bride, I'd have a chat with her about it, and say you wanted to get a cardi or whatever that didn't match the bridesmaids so it looked quite different.
If I weren't that close to the bride, then I think I'd put her in something else.

StillWantingADog · 22/07/2023 12:24

electriclight · 21/07/2023 23:28

I reckon a 5yo can get away with this as long as she doesn't look anything like a bridesmaid.

Yes. I once went to a wedding where some very small girls turned up in flower girl outfits, their mum clearly a bit miffed they hadn’t been asked to be flower girls (Bride purposefully didn’t have any).

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/07/2023 12:28

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 22/07/2023 10:51

I couldn’t have cared less what the children guests wore to my wedding (within reason, I probably would have raised an eyebrow at a Spider-Man costume for example). Can’t see an issue with fuchsia pink either. Surely no bride is going to moan about being upstaged by a 5 year old?

I'd have been fine with Spiderman, a Hulk or Ironman if I were getting married!

I was given a pretty white dress with a ribbon sash on when I was little and never got to wear it because 'that's a special dress for special occasions'. So it sat in my wardrobe until I'd outgrown it. There are very few times where kids get to wear that sort of clothing, so why stop them on the rare occasion where an impractical but pretty dress would be appropriate?

Superfood · 22/07/2023 12:35

NancyJoan · 22/07/2023 11:27

Oh, I went further than that. Posted dozens of passive aggressive, poorly spelt posts on social media, containing a myriad of veiled references to self-appointed bridesmaids, and 17 years on we’re still not spoken a word to each other since.

Or, did I briefly think, “Ooh, SIL’s got the hump about her DD not being involved”, then move on? I guess we’ll never know.

Show quote history

Moved on so successfully that you're posting about it on mumsnet 17 years later 🤔

Daffodilsandtuplips · 22/07/2023 12:37

sweetdevil90 · 21/07/2023 23:41

Yeah I hear you! It'll deffo get grubby. I didn't buy it, it was a gift, she's had it ages and thought I'd save it for a special occasion, as likely to only be able to be worn the once as it'll probably get stained!

Show quote history

Let her wear it, I’ve seen quite a few little girls in white dresses at weddings and they weren’t the flower girls or part of the bridal party.

Bumcake · 22/07/2023 12:41

Ifailed · 22/07/2023 11:37

just send a pic of the dress to the bride so she can give her opinion

Or the Groom, or don't they have a say?

Let’s be real, he won’t give a shit.

Bumcake · 22/07/2023 12:42

halfthesun · 22/07/2023 11:17

I'm getting married today!! Just delighted to be surrounded by my friends and family so absolutely fine with child wearing a white dress. In Brighton and storms forecast ... Daffodil

Hope you have a wonderful day! Which you probably will, since you sound like you’ve got your priorities bang on.

UrsulaIsMyQueen · 22/07/2023 12:44

Bumcake · 22/07/2023 12:41

Let’s be real, he won’t give a shit.

Show quote history

And neither would I, as the bride, so would be a bit baffled to receive the photo!

IfLoveBelievesInMe · 22/07/2023 12:48

I doubt anyone would have a problem with it , a 5 year old is hardly going to be seen as competing with the bride

HairyMaclaryfromDD · 22/07/2023 12:52

If you even have to ask, just don't do it. Then you can be sure nobody will be upset or annoyed or whatever. Why risk it? But take her out to tea soon and let her wear her pretty dress.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 22/07/2023 12:55

I’d assume the child was part of the bridal party if they were in a white dress, regardless of coloured cardigans. Every wedding I’ve attended recently has had a young flower girl usually between 3-6 in a white dress with a coloured cardigan or sash representing the bridal colours. Cousin stuck her daughter (7) in a white dress when she wasn’t part of the bridal party and pissed absolutely everyone off.

DappledThings · 22/07/2023 13:13

HairyMaclaryfromDD · 22/07/2023 12:52

If you even have to ask, just don't do it. Then you can be sure nobody will be upset or annoyed or whatever. Why risk it? But take her out to tea soon and let her wear her pretty dress.

But people only think they have to ask because of a few vocally ridiculous brides thinking they are being upstaged by a child.

Nobody normal would be bothered by it so there is no need to ask. Anyone who is upset by it is being silly.

JenniferBarkley · 22/07/2023 13:15

DappledThings · 22/07/2023 13:13

But people only think they have to ask because of a few vocally ridiculous brides thinking they are being upstaged by a child.

Nobody normal would be bothered by it so there is no need to ask. Anyone who is upset by it is being silly.

Show quote history

No one thinks a five year old will update the bride.

They may think the five year old's parents are making a point about the composition of the bridal party though, and most people wouldn't welcome that kind of talk about themselves (either from the pov of the bride and groom or the parents).

user1477255159 · 22/07/2023 13:19

Kate wore a very pale outfit to Harry's wedding and was with the flower girls etc. It looked white to most people and she was praised for it. I don't think it'll be a problem.

DappledThings · 22/07/2023 13:21

JenniferBarkley · 22/07/2023 13:15

No one thinks a five year old will update the bride.

They may think the five year old's parents are making a point about the composition of the bridal party though, and most people wouldn't welcome that kind of talk about themselves (either from the pov of the bride and groom or the parents).

Show quote history

So much overthinking. If I dressed DD in a white dress and someone thought I was trying to make a point I'd consider them just as daft as a bride actually objecting to it. And their talking about me would me just as meaningless.

Life's too short to give any headspace to such nonsense.

Lavender14 · 22/07/2023 13:23

I wouldn't care about this but I think you're right to check with the bride because then if she says yes then there's no issue.

I agree that I'd wear colourful shoes, cardi, ribbon etc to take it as far away from flowergirl as possible.

Swipe left for the next trending thread