To insist MIL asks me, not DH, when making plans that involve my kids?

[Maree1986]

Just to be clear, this is not a MIL-bashing thread. She's great, and a loving, involved grandmother. I'm lucky and I know not everyone has decent grandparents in their children's lives.

BUT whenever she wants to do something with the kids, she naturally asks DH, her son, and not me.

I am the one who organises the family calender and their lives, not him. He will just say yes, should be fine, and then immediately forgets the whole thing, and never mentions it to me.

Now, I KNOW that the actual person in the wrong here is DH but since that's what he's like I have said to MIL that it would be easier for everyone if she just went through me.

So last week we were together, me, her and the kids and she announces to the kids that she's taking them to the cinema this weekend! Absolute first I've heard of it and she gets the kids all excited. I said, no, I'm really sorry, but I've got something else on and it's all booked and paid for, you need to ask ME when you arrange stuff. She got all huffy.

Is it an unreasonable request? Obviously I am pissed at DH too, I'm not putting all the blame on her, but I don't know why she can't just do it.

I'll be honest but I don't like the idea of sharing the family calendar - it gives the impression that if something isn't already pre booked, then she can unilaterally fill the calendar with her own plans. As if she's a 3rd parent almost.
I probably wouldn't even do a family group chat for the benefit of someone who didn't have the manners or sense to talk to me directly about any requests.

Well then double booking in future is her problem not yours,, you've told her DH is rubbish at plans so it's on her if she keeps contacting her son and not you.

I know this is old but I wanted to get my bit in lol