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Original poster

To hate being told I look so young

140 replies

Walkingthrough · 21/07/2023 11:04

Hear my out, I know this sounds like a boasting thread but it isn’t. I am constantly told I look early twenties. I feel it limits me. At work I’m treated like a young girl with no experience. As a mum I’m asked if I’m their sister. It makes me feel inadequate.

im mid thirties and just want to come across as mid thirties. I have a degree, job, kids (oldest is 12).

anyone relate?

when I buy wine which is much needed and anticipated and I get refused as I don’t have ID it just pisses me off.

OP posts:
BonjourCrisette · 21/07/2023 11:08

Don't worry, your time will come. I used to get asked for ID regularly into my early 40s. I'm mid-fifties now and can't remember the last time it happened.

purpleme12 · 21/07/2023 11:08

OP these threads never go well on here.
Hope you're prepared for that that's all.
Speaking as someone who's had that problem almost all my life.
Although think mid 30s was when it about stopped 🤣

Original poster
Walkingthrough · 21/07/2023 11:11

I think they don’t go well as people automatically think I mean looking young = looking good.

anyone who takes offence to the thread doesn’t understand the genuine negativity and judgement that is directed to young people (teen mums, job roles are reserved for more experienced people etc)

OP posts:
5128gap · 21/07/2023 11:11

Change your hairstyle, clothes and general presentation to a more mature style. It would be vanishingly rare for you to look so much younger on your facial features alone, so if you lose any youth signifiers it will help.

MissGroves · 21/07/2023 11:12

Not bitching but if you know you get ID’ed why not just carry some then you won’t get refused? The staff are only doing their job (and preventing a criminal record, fine, and/or job loss). It’s not their fault that you look younger than you are.

Original poster
Walkingthrough · 21/07/2023 11:13

5128gap · 21/07/2023 11:11

Change your hairstyle, clothes and general presentation to a more mature style. It would be vanishingly rare for you to look so much younger on your facial features alone, so if you lose any youth signifiers it will help.

Yes this is probably true - I don’t help myself with blonde balayage hair, subtle extensions and make up style can be quite young and in trend I guess.

OP posts:
TRexTara · 21/07/2023 11:15

🙄

Original poster
Walkingthrough · 21/07/2023 11:15

I do most of the time but sometimes forget and it’s very disappointing. Even more so when I was refused to buy calpol for my sick child as I didn’t have ID.

OP posts:
Taketurn · 21/07/2023 11:15

Do you also have a small physique OP? Some people just have a baby face that never goes away lol

35and3 · 21/07/2023 11:17

I'm you, OP. 35, with three kids - oldest 13. I look early twenties and hate it.

Giveuprobot · 21/07/2023 11:17

That must be very tough for you.

x2boys · 21/07/2023 11:18

Thoughts and prayers 🙄

Loveys · 21/07/2023 11:19

On trend 😂

calmcoco · 21/07/2023 11:21

Walkingthrough · 21/07/2023 11:13

Yes this is probably true - I don’t help myself with blonde balayage hair, subtle extensions and make up style can be quite young and in trend I guess.

Show quote history

I took you at your word that this was not a boastful thread until I read this Grin

Carry ID at all times if you need wine urgently.

5128gap · 21/07/2023 11:23

Walkingthrough · 21/07/2023 11:13

Yes this is probably true - I don’t help myself with blonde balayage hair, subtle extensions and make up style can be quite young and in trend I guess.

Show quote history

Exactly. Most people who you meet in passing estimate age from a quick glance taking in your whole presentation. If they see a lot of things associated with being young, they will make assumptions. If you cut your hair to collar length, had a side parting, a blow dry and subtle highlights, wore well cut jeans, white shirt, blazer and loafers, or anything from Boden, I imagine your problem would disappear.

Lazylikeasundaymorning · 21/07/2023 11:23

I was you mid 30s and into my early 40s and hated it - mid 40s now and can’t remember the last time I was id’d and secretly quite sad about it!

lechatnoir · 21/07/2023 11:25

This was me until I hit 40 now I long for those days!

Scottishskifun · 21/07/2023 11:26

It is annoying yes I am the same only in the last year have I stopped being asked for ID most places (I'm 37!). I don't wear makeup other then occasionally and find it increases more.

The ID thing is annoying but my biggest bug bear with it is at a professional level! I've been asked if I'm on a internship, graduate programme or apprenticeship all in the last 3 years whereas actually I'm the lead and have 15+ years experience!

It seems like a small thing but it's annoying and judgemental and does have potential especially with work/job interviews of being a negative due to people's perceptions.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 21/07/2023 11:27

I get you, OP, because until the age of 38/39 I looked young, but I am really not good-looking (at all).

At work, people would ask if I was the intern (I can think of at least a dozen times this would happen), when I was in a managerial role.

Four separate times, people mistook my DH for my DF (he's only 9 years older ...).

I ended up having shorter hair and dressing in very sober clothes that I thought would make me look older.

Now I very much do not look younger than my age so I am delighting in get the bright colours out again! I don't think I should have worried so much about it - I'm a bit sad that I spent a lot of my 20s and 30s in floral blouses and skirts trying to look older, when actually, it's just not very me. Plus I could have got away with some much nicer clothes then ...

JaneJeffer · 21/07/2023 11:28

Get a badge and wear it everywhere

To hate being told I look so young
zingally · 21/07/2023 11:33

Years ago I met a girl in her early 20s, who could easily have passed as a tall 8 or 9 year old. I used to feel sorry for her tbh.

Fightyouforthatpie · 21/07/2023 11:35

Oh good here's this week's "I look so young" thread.

Toobusytoocare · 21/07/2023 11:38

would be very happy with your problem. I am heading towards my 60s now and have been asked very occasionally if I am entitled to OAP entry prices,free prescriptions! Now that really is a shit feeling @!

ladyvivienne · 21/07/2023 11:43

It won't last. Im in my 50's now and haven't been asked for a while = now look 30 something not 20 something!

Hufflepods · 21/07/2023 11:43

when I buy wine which is much needed and anticipated and I get refused as I don’t have ID it just pisses me off.

Who doesn't just have ID in their purse though?

I can't really see how it "limits" you to be honest.

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