To hate being told I look so young

[Walkingthrough]

Hear my out, I know this sounds like a boasting thread but it isn’t. I am constantly told I look early twenties. I feel it limits me. At work I’m treated like a young girl with no experience. As a mum I’m asked if I’m their sister. It makes me feel inadequate.

im mid thirties and just want to come across as mid thirties. I have a degree, job, kids (oldest is 12).

anyone relate?

when I buy wine which is much needed and anticipated and I get refused as I don’t have ID it just pisses me off.

I used to get asked for ID back in my 30s at Sainsbury's but I only ever had a provisional license at the time which they wouldn't accept. I could never be bothered to go out with my passport. I have a full driving licence now but nobody asks me anymore 😂

Did you read the OP? Did you read the part where she said "I just want to come across as in my mid 30s"?
Now, I don't know about you, but I can't think of any way a woman whose appearance makes her come across as in her 20s can achieve the aim of coming across as in her mid 30s, other than by changing her appearance.
We could all post about how terrible it is for a woman who wants to look 30 to look 20, but it may be more helpful to offer some practical advice on how she might look her age, which is what she tells us she wants to achieve.

There are a lot of very unpleasant women on here who have no concept of what it's like to be treated as a child.

I completely get where you're coming from OP. I'm in my early 30s, short, and I've been informed on a number of occasions that I'm baby faced. There are underlying medical reasons for it.

I worked in higher education management for years and spent a lot of time dealing with external stakeholders. I could be wearing a suit and a staff lanyard, and I would still get asked what I was studying. Wearing different clothes doesn't always help.

It does harm your career progression - if you look younger then even people who should know better perceive you as younger and less competent than you are. It was a contributing factor in my decision to go self employed. I've literally had men - and it's always men - asking if I can actually drive my own vehicle when there's no one else in the vicinity who could have driven it. I've been able to drive for 14 years?!

My partner is the same age as me and has been accused of cradle snatching.

Looking young has nothing to do with being pretty. I'm not particularly pretty - I never get compliments, just strangers sticking their oar in about my perceived age. Try being treated like the work experience student when you're actually in management and you'll soon come to understand.

I'm regularly mistaken for 10 years younger than I actually am, and it's happened all my life (I'm now 50). Yea, you might get asked for ID at the pub, but at work you're judged on how you perform and not how old you look. If anything, I stand out in a crowd because my performance is exceptional compared to younger people who are perceived to be the same age. Glass half full OP, it's a good thing.

I really sympathise. I'm in my mid-50s and still people think I'm at least 10 years younger. My hair isn't grey or dyed, my skin isnt very wrinkled - but I have arthritis & other physical problems which make it look like I'm just unfit. Its confusing for people! People are dismissive when you say its an issue, bit it is a real problem because people underestimate & patronise you. Yes you can try and be careful about hair, makeup, clothes and general demeanour but its a hassle & adds an extra layer to the amount of extra work women already have to do to be taken seriously in the workplace.

at work you're judged on how you perform and not how old you look.

@wyntersuhn what work do you do? If your performance is easily and objectively measured, then yes, making 100 widgets per hour as opposed to others 60 widgets will get you the kudos no matter how young you look.

However, most jobs are not measured that way, especially management roles where you need to be seen to be able to persuade and influence subordinates and get senior management buy in.

No manager is going to be compared to a bunch of younger people. A manager will be compared against other managers at the same level of seniority.

😂at people in their fifties moaning about being mistaken for someone in their forties.

Not alot in it really by then!

You have spectacularly missed the point. I suggest you read the thread and if you have, consider your level of comprehension skills.

@blueshoes

If you say so. I'm still laughing!

Go and get some teeth veneers, plastic boobs and some duck lips.

Hey presto, you can turn from a little bleating lamb into the old knackered mutton in a second.

I used to have this alot when your age. I'm now nearly 60, could pass for late 40s, early 50s.

I have come across young looking 30-odd year olds. However, what's different and makes me (and others) mentally reassess their age is when the start to speak, they carry themselves with authority. So, look at how you express yourself; your posture, eye gaze, non-verbal communication. Non-verbals override everything else. I think it's more about these things rather than your chosen hairstyle/make-up

Don't worry, when you hit your late 40s/50s, if it's still going on, you'll welcome it and realise that has perks.

I have come across young looking 30-odd year olds. However, what's different and makes me (and others) mentally reassess their age is when the start to speak, they carry themselves with authority. So, look at how you express yourself; your posture, eye gaze, non-verbal communication. Non-verbals override everything else. I think it's more about these things rather than your chosen hairstyle/make-up

Non verbals only carry you so far.

I've had the cognitive dissonance as someone who they visually perceive to be in their late teens or early 20s carries themselves as someone in their early 30s.

While they're sat there trying to work out wtf is going on, they're not actually listening to what you're saying, and you're in a worse position than you started in.

I used to know a girl down the gym who I was sure was 17/18. She was actually 34. We all thought she was late teens and were absolutely gobsmacked.
She had an extremely young looking face, bright eyes, slim, petite, softly spoken, shy, all the things associated with young people.

I feel for you OP. Bet it's really frustrating being treated young, it was a relief for me to be acknowledged as an adult.

But hate these threads. It implies looking young = a good thing. Women feeding the misogyny and ageism.

I think it's because we live in a society that values youth, particularly among females. Ageism is normally used against older people, particularly women. Even on here, derogatory terms are used and middle aged is a term of abuse. So yes, in a society that venerates youth, looking young is an asset. However, I think some of the attendant problems described are probably solvable.

People are indeed directly associating looking young with being good looking and it's really not always the case. Are all women over 40 ugly? Not at all

I think it's because we live in a society that values youth, particularly among females.

And why is that? Because women tend to be more fertile when they're younger.

Valuing women for looking young is about patriarchy and traditional gender roles as being able to breed.

If it helps, I got ID'd constantly until 35, got pregnant, had a rough time and had a baby who didn't sleep for 2 whole years. I'm 38 now and never get ID'd and would accept people saying I now look at least 5 years older than my actual age.

People used to tell me to enjoy being IDd and I'd roll my eyes but they were right and I was not....

It is indeed. Then we become hags and dried up old crones who are objects of derision and scorn.

Oh boo boo. Wait till you get given the over 60 discount in Iceland without asking for it 😂

Oh poor you!
Carry some I.D.

Wow, there are a lot of people on here who just don't get it.

Bit like the threads where someone gets teased (or bullied, even) for being a size 6, and posters accuse them of boasting, and go on about how lucky they are .

I think because being petite and being young looking are generally assets in our society.

I hear you, I’m 50 but have a 4 year old when I had my oldest now 27 I was accused of being a child 🤦‍♀️