To hate being told I look so young

[Walkingthrough]

Hear my out, I know this sounds like a boasting thread but it isn’t. I am constantly told I look early twenties. I feel it limits me. At work I’m treated like a young girl with no experience. As a mum I’m asked if I’m their sister. It makes me feel inadequate.

im mid thirties and just want to come across as mid thirties. I have a degree, job, kids (oldest is 12).

anyone relate?

when I buy wine which is much needed and anticipated and I get refused as I don’t have ID it just pisses me off.

Ah you'll have to beach your lovely bayalage to a harsh yellowy colour and start drawing on harsh black eyeliner and eyebrows, that will fix it. Also throw away all exfoliant and moisturisers etc.

Donate the clothes that flatter you and start building up a wardrobe in colour tones that make you look ill. Practise your depressed facial expressions in the mirror, slouch and shuffle along. No more bouncing around with vim and vigour!

Finally be sure to pick up family tins of biscuits and demolish one per day for a few weeks.

Your skin will start looking tired and dry, your digestion will feel sluggish and bloated. Perfect!!

I still get asked for ID at 36 but I take it as a massive compliment.
enjoy it whilst it lasts!

Ignore the bitchy comments op. These posters always like to come up on these threads and have a pop at someone asking for advice. Some people just love to put other women down.

Essentially looking young doesn't mean looking good. And it certainly doesn't mean people treat you well in this case. Young, slim and attractive women get treated well. I'm mid 30's, short, fat, spotty with thin limp hair and I do not get the same treatment. I get spoken down to or treated like an imbecile by older and younger people who think I'm a late teen/early 20's. 'Grown up' hair styles and clothing don't always make someone appear their age, they frankly make me look quite stupid.

People are allowed to dislike being a victim of ageism in all its guises. Not everyone is a youth chaser or cares about an ageing appearance. Everyone is entitled to dislike being treated as less capable by society or a group due to their appearance alone - no matter what that is. Those who belittle these feelings as ‘stealth boasting’ are projecting their own fear and dislike of an ageing appearance on others.

I get the same and I'm early 40s. I get asked for ID, told I don't look old enough to have kids. But it's never set me back in a job or anything, I've gone in and proved myself and worked right through teams to the top.

Talk about first world problems 😂

I also had this till I got to 50 and now I look old

It held me back when I was younger. At school everyone could get served in pubs and I couldn't so a lot of my friends stopped hanging out with me as I couldn't get in. When I went to university, if I forgot my ID, I couldn't get in anywhere. People used to call me baby face.

When I gave birth to dd, I was 26 and I got asked by the nurse where my social services support was. When I questioned it, she thought I was 14/15.

I never got taken seriously at the doctor with dd. I knew she was deaf in one ear - I got told I was over anxious and had no experience as a young mother. I eventually went private and the private ENT wrote a letter of complaint to the GP surgery for them not taking me seriously.

People can laugh but it does impact you.

I know it can annoying. People treated me as a naive young kid in my 30s. However, you probably only have a few years left of this. I've noticed women (including me) generally start looking their age in their mid-40s, even if they looked about 12 before!

Exactly. I understand where OP is coming from. Occasionally when someone assumes to be much younger than I am I wonder if it’s because I come across as less confident or put together?

I also used to be annoyed by it mainly because it meant I attracted a certain type of man - the type who went for women over 10-15 years younger than them . Their jaw would drop once they found out I was their age. I am in my 30s and get ID’d for grocery shopping deliveries - apparently you need to be 18 to receive deliveries irrespective if there’s alcohol in the order. Funnily enough getting ID’d for groceries has only happened the past few years so I don’t know if I’m ageing backwards 😂 but tbh most of the time I really don’t care anymore .

Sometimes it means people are kinder to me if I’m clueless about something or lost (sad but true!) and I know if I’m blessed enough to reach old age then I won’t look like a child forever 😂

I also found at work that people who didn't know me wouldn't take me seriously. I got a professional qualification very early on and when I met with clients, was often asked whether my boss could be in the meeting. I was the boss. It was humiliating!

Now I'm 50 I have the respect from others I didn't have when I was younger but I won't forget those years when basically anyone older just dismissed me because they thought I was a lot younger than I was!

I am 41 and people regularly think I am in my twenties. I haven't been ID'd for a while but it happened regularly throughout my thirties. I definitely think people treat me differently at work and its bloody annoying. I was actually told off the record that one of the reason I didn't get a Director position I interviewed for was because I looked too young! (Very infuriating and probably against the law!) I think there is a difference between looking young (which is obviously generally a good thing) and looking like a child when you want to be taken as a serious and credible adult! But there's nothing you can do about it OP so just embrace it as you get into your 40s!

This used to happen to me. I used to get told I looked 18 throughout my twenties. Recently I became unwell and now I look about ten years older than I am.

I really miss it! And not once did I feel it held me back.

We all have our cross to bear. Enjoy it while it lasts, carry ID. And come to the Work board for advice if you need help with presence at work/handling patronising comments

I find it annoying too OP. Everyone at work assumes I am much younger than I am - i'm mod 40s, rumour has it i'm 31 (and apparently haven't had a birthday in two years, as I am still 31), I was last asked for ID 2 days ago. It leads to some older colleagues being really condescending and assuming they are superior.

I'm senior leadership and it has led to some issues - most recently I've had to take a firm hand with someone who makes constant references to me being very young and "when you're older you'll understand" and therefore they don't have to follow my instructions. They didn't particularly like the idea of a PIP when I spoke to them about their performance!

Interestingly the colleagues I experience this from are mostly women.

I get mistaken for a child constantly.

It's really annoying when i am trying to draw my pension and people ask why I'm not in school..so frustrating!

I must stop walking about in a giant nappy.

1. Walk around with ID on you at all times.
2. If you have grey hair stop dying it - though that doesn't always work...

Another one who looked much much younger until about 42, then it all caught up with me!

Make the most of it. And always carry id, makes life so much easier!

And if it really bothers you that much (never did me), there are ways to look older as has been discussed..

I think talking about victims of ageism gives this particular problem rather more gravitas than it merits in fairness.
There's a difference between a person in their 20s being patronised and considered incapable because of their age, and an older woman who by her own admission chooses to present in a way that is associated with youth, complaining when she's assumed to be the age she's presenting as, and it proves inconvenient.
Other than a few exceptional people, most with this problem could fix it, or at least minimise it if they chose. They just need to decide whether the advantage and pleasures of looking youthful outweigh the inconvenience of being asked for ID.

Well.I do t,but im 50 in November and I look 50 so its not a problem.unlike all the Dorian Grays on here ...

Blimey- at 61 I love it when people think I'm in my late 40s/early 50s- especially given I'm 3 stone overweight. I've got a young face I know - shame the body doesn't match

Carry your ID then
People like you are what makes it so hard when selling age restricted products. Hard to judge age, then they get arsey when asked

I think this happens a lot of on trend fashionable women in their thirties, you really haven’t started the ageing process yet and are absolutely in your prime of life if you take care of yourself, if you present yourself in an on trend way it is easy to pass as someone younger, dress and style yourself more maturely then you won’t appear younger than your years.

I think this is a good example, in the casual picture I think Meghan could pass a a twenty something, in the second picture she looks like a woman in her late thirties, it’s all down to presentation.

It's about more than facial features.

Sometimes, (not always) it is: soft/babyish/childlike voice; lack of confidence showing in body language; not choosing appropriate clothing for the setting (a mistake often made by people at the beginning of their careers)

Absolutely this.