To be furious with DH (toddler accident)

[user63696369]

I am probably ABU, but I'm so angry at DH for what happened last night. NC as I've posted about this elsewhere!

Yesterday evening I asked DH to watch 15 m/o DD while I did a few jobs after her dinner. I was in the utility room when I heard him swear, and came running out into the hallway just in time to see my DD bouncing down a flight of six solid mahogany stairs. She cried straightaway, but seemed okay, although obviously I took her to be checked out (which resulted in a very late night for all of us and I have an absolute tonne of work to do today and I could really do without being completely knackered). I did call 111 first but they didn't call back until around midnight and I didn't want to put her to bed without taking advice, so we were already at the hospital.

I know kids have accidents, but this was completely preventable. He'd left some stuff on the floor she shouldn't have been able to get hold of and in the course of taking it off her and putting it back where it was, she'd run straight out into the hallway and gone flying down the stairs. I never leave doors open when I am watching her for this very reason - I also would have picked her up and relocated the items elsewhere while holding her. I'm always on at him about safety issues and I feel like he never takes me seriously. Well now I am left with the image of her bouncing down the stairs like a ragdoll and I am fucking fuming. She could have been killed or seriously injured.

AIBU to still be absolutely furious at him? He had a 9am meeting this morning but I let DD lie in as she was knackered and told him he could do the nursery drop, fill in the accident form and explain what happened - and if he was late for his meeting, that was his problem.

So as not to drip feed, I have diagnosed PTSD that arises from DD's health.

Accidents happen. How many forums have you raised this on? So when he's minding your DD you're "... always on at him..."? You're in danger of sounding like a right nag!

You've had her checked out, presumably she's OK. Time to move on.

He probably tries to downplay things because, by your own admission you nag him incessantly about safety. That's not a good emotional state on either side for a reasonable discussion about what happened.

Sounds like u r feeling guilty for not using stair gates or teaching how to go up and down stairs safely.

Woah! There's so much more going on in your response to this than your DD's accident, isn't there?

I'm curious about why you wrote this post and asked the question about BU as you seem to be arguing pretty rudely with everyone who responds with a view that doesn't tally with yours. If you don't want people's responses, don't ask..!

Do you actually like him? Doesn't sound as though you do.

OP, I think you'll find pretty much every accident ever could be considered "preventable" in one way or another... Hindsight is a wonderful thing! If I was in your DHs situation I would be wildly upset and pissed off that you were blaming me! It is horrible to have these things happen, and horrible to be worrying about your child and their potential injuries, but this is not your DHs fault.

Are you bored @Pupinski ? Because you've left several comments on this thread spaced 15 minutes apart. It's Saturday night, you must have better things to do, no?

For anyone still interested...

Discussed with DH, both upset and apologetic. He feels terrible, I don't feel great, both shocked but ultimately grateful DD is OK.

Spoke with carpenter this morning who said we can add risers to the stairs (another carpenter had told us we couldn't). He is coming in a week or so.

Carpet chosen and will be measured up once risers fitted.

A couple of (strategically placed) gates ordered, but will focus on teaching DD how to safely use the stairs. Gates seen primarily as a way to slow her down, not to be ultimately relied upon as she will try to climb them at some point I'm sure.

Alls well that ends well.

What would you do re stairs between her room and ours - extra tall baby gate?

Oh and in case anyone thinks I've been giving him the silent treatment for another day, the discussion took place last night!!

I don't have as much to do as you, apparently (does anybody?), and yet here you are.

Admittedly, this post has got me more riled than most, since you are so aggressive towards people who answered your question. Most disagree with you. Surely that gives you something to think about, no? Instead of being so rude to everyone?

Well I've done my work for the day, sorted out baby stuff, she's in bed and I'm cooking dinner so luckily for me, I get a couple of hours off now 🙂 I love how in AIBU you can never win, even when you've admitted YWBU (as I have). I think it's funny you're so riled though, do you always get so upset by things you read online that have absolutely no bearing on your life?

No, as I said, your post got me particularly riled. Most people aren't so rude to people who take the trouble to read and respond to their questions. Still, I'm glad you've sorted yourself out now. I can rest easy. 🙂

OP I think your biggest issues like with your DH and the accident has just landed on top of that.
You clearly feel like he does very little and you have to do everything so I think its
time you sat down and had this conversation with him.
Whilst I understand and appreciate the struggles of the autism and PTSD they are not a reason to avoid having a chat with him and reevaluating your life and relationship.
If you do that and he refuses to see an issue then maybe you ought to think about the future. You sound bloody miserable and that’s no way for anyone to live.

I think you may have initially overreacted but as a parent with most of the responsibility we are all guilty of that. At least I am and most other parents I know.
I have had PND and PTSD and with input have worked on a lot of things. Ultimately if you look at the research as mother's we are hard wired to protect our children. Men do not have the same hormonal and primal response. My DH can sleep through my DD screaming the house down but if she makes a single noise or goes 5 mins over when she usually wakes up I am awake and checking.
My DH adores DD but they do not think the same way we do.
I don't think you have done anything wrong or should be criticised the way you have been on this forum. Parenting is a learning curve for everyone.
I am a nurse and would agree that if you are concerned then getting your child checked over is not unreasonable. We always take parental concern seriously and sometimes some reassurance and good advice is all is needed.

If my wife done the same thing I would have hit the roof.

I would have reacted the same way.

I do have stairsgates tho

Accidents can happen on anyone’s watch

toddler are fucking quick

get a stair gate

She’s so lucky to have you.

How lucky that you are perfect and never make mistakes.

Children will have accidents, and you need to buy another stair gate 👍

I’ve not had an accident with my child in the year he’s been alive.

She certainly is lucky to have me. £1m house, 4 cars on drive, 6 holidays a year etc etc

as I say, I agree with the original posters reaction and point of view. Her husband should keep an eye out, her child could have been injured.

@Father0f0ne I’ve not had an accident with my child in the year he’s been alive.

Oh astounding. Maybe you hours write a parenting book?

How much leave did you actually take off to look after your child?

you are impressing no one 😂

have you got a golden aubergine as well?

@Father0f0ne finally, I work for myself and I am the primary carer. It’s not rocket science to prevent injuries.

lol okay.

seperetely I have 3 doctors in my phone

You don’t even sound like an adult, that’s a meaningless comment.

Other people are “negative” and yet you are the one who would “hit the roof” if your child had an accident in your wife’s care.
Although apparently you needn’t worry, you work long hours but are the primary carer of your child. 👌

Maybe in all your concern for child development you should realise that working while looking after a 12 month is horrendous for their well-being, development and social skills.