To be furious with DH (toddler accident)

[user63696369]

I am probably ABU, but I'm so angry at DH for what happened last night. NC as I've posted about this elsewhere!

Yesterday evening I asked DH to watch 15 m/o DD while I did a few jobs after her dinner. I was in the utility room when I heard him swear, and came running out into the hallway just in time to see my DD bouncing down a flight of six solid mahogany stairs. She cried straightaway, but seemed okay, although obviously I took her to be checked out (which resulted in a very late night for all of us and I have an absolute tonne of work to do today and I could really do without being completely knackered). I did call 111 first but they didn't call back until around midnight and I didn't want to put her to bed without taking advice, so we were already at the hospital.

I know kids have accidents, but this was completely preventable. He'd left some stuff on the floor she shouldn't have been able to get hold of and in the course of taking it off her and putting it back where it was, she'd run straight out into the hallway and gone flying down the stairs. I never leave doors open when I am watching her for this very reason - I also would have picked her up and relocated the items elsewhere while holding her. I'm always on at him about safety issues and I feel like he never takes me seriously. Well now I am left with the image of her bouncing down the stairs like a ragdoll and I am fucking fuming. She could have been killed or seriously injured.

AIBU to still be absolutely furious at him? He had a 9am meeting this morning but I let DD lie in as she was knackered and told him he could do the nursery drop, fill in the accident form and explain what happened - and if he was late for his meeting, that was his problem.

So as not to drip feed, I have diagnosed PTSD that arises from DD's health.

YABU. I had social services after us for a while after a baby bath stand (since recalled) collapsed. Then a few weeks lat5@@3er said baby was in my arms when I missed the bottom step out and he flew into a doorframe., When I think about it I go cold. My husband was fully supportive. You are being a dick. Accidents happen.

This. Op you had better be the perfect parent for your sake. Remember how you behaved when your time comes.

Accepting accidents can happen to a dad as well as a mum is being a handmaiden now? Jesus

Let’s not dramatise everything and call the OP’s negligence

The OP wasn't negligent, but her husband was.

What's handmaidening?

Ah OP accidents happen, I slipped carrying my daughter, I tried to stop her hitting the floor but her head cracked off the kitchen floor tiles ending up with a trip to hospital in an ambulance and an overnight stay. I felt so damn guilty for so long. Your husband made a mistake, for the sake of your own wellbeing and your relationship you need to try and come to terms with it. I've had a very poorly baby so understand your worries, I just wanted to keep mine in a special bubble but it isn't fair on your husband to be berated or to have this held over him.

If anyone wants my (rather beaten up) mahogany stairs, they're welcome to them 😁 give me carpeted stairs any day!

😂😂😂. I swear if you look at mahogany sideways it will dent, scratch. Beautiful wood but fragile.

You are seriously over reacting! My son rolled down a whole flight of stairs and flew into the front door. Bought a stairgate after that! Since that accident he's had many more and most have been at school. Lighten up.

I’d 5 kids and never had a stair gate. We felt someone was bound to leave it open esp when there were a number of children. All the babies were taught to go down backwards (they can’t fall that way), on all stairs and surfaces and never had an accident. They’re all now adults and have done the same with their children. Apart from one very anxious mum who got gates, one was left open and the (untrained) toddler fell from top to bottom!

If it’s any help a friend of mine is a consultant A & E doctor. She told me once that a baby/child falling downstairs is rarely serious as each stair is just one small fall and not the same as if they fell from the height of the stairs in 1 go. Even better if the stairs are carpeted, less slippery and less damaging.

Kids have accidents this age all the time, not sure it warranted an a&e trip, they'd just tell you to come back/ call an ambulance if vomiting/ confused/ not as alert etc. So it's your fault you're tired unless there was a visible injury you've not mentioned. You shouldn't have to keep the door closed. Get stairgates and teach your child how to safely use stairs. Or if the mahogany stairs are that treacherous, change them. Sounds like you're being completely unreasonable to your poor partner who was doing their best and still punishing them like a naughty child the next day. Poor guy. Be surprised if he puts up with this sort of behaviour if it happens mire than a couple of times.

Exactly 🤣 definitely wasn't some weird stealth boast! Plus it shows every speck of dust and all the fluff from Dcat. I wish I could afford to change it! I am seriously considering at least carpeting it and I've also found some riser rods that might work to make it a bit safer - I had no idea they existed before today. The gaps are larger than currently permitted under building regs.

DH went from spending lots of time with DD and helping her in the morning to being a useless wretch who never sees her 🤣

What if he'd held on to her and she'd wriggled so much he accidentally dropped her? Would you blame him?

He wasn't negligent. They were together. He realised she had something she shouldn't, that's responsible, and was trying to deal with that when she shot free. That's not negligence

Why do you need to ask your DH to watch your DD?
He is her father. You shouldn't have to ask him to watch her while you do something. He should just do it.
This line alone raises a red flag for me and leads me to beleive you take in a lot of the childcare without your FH taking much initiative off his own back.

If this is the case, coupled with your PTSD, then no I do not believe you are being unreasonable at all as it all seems part of a deeper issue that needs to be addressed

I hope your DD and you are both OK, it must have been very distressing for you and I hope you are getting support with your mental health <3

If you read what I actually said, I said that yes he is "good" with her, but is rarely alone with her. I'm usually always around. It's like he never has sole responsibility for her, I'm always there to fall back on. He isn't useless, but definitely doesn't think in the same way as I do.

I'm new here. Can I just ask if people are always this rude and mean? Cos if so I think I will just stick to Facebook where you can't hide behind usernames.

In AIBU, yes pretty much.

Other boards not so much. Mumsnet is a funny place. Sometimes I marvel in how great it is, other times I think I should delete the app and my account 🤷‍♀️ I try to take it all with a pinch of salt. Just be aware that every single word or phrase will be picked over and there are always posters who love nothing more than having a dig. But there are some great people on here and I've learnt a lot. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away as they say 🤣

Judging by the replies,I'm in the minority, I agree,I'd be fucking furious too! Yea accidents happen,but this was preventable and it was on his watch! My OH Is exact same,wanders around saying I worry too much....but it's me that ends up in hospital all day/night if something happens! Or me that goes to work exhausted cos iv sat up all night with them unwell! I think u are well within ur rights to lose ur shit about things like this,ptsd or not! Get it said to him,get ur gates on or wherever needs done then move on...and when/if something similar happens on ur watch,be as angry with yourself as u have been with him! I think that's fair! Glad ur DD is OK and good luck with treatment for PTSD it's fuckin horrendous but does get easier x

Wenfy · Today 09:47
At 2.5 stairgates aren’t the answer. Any able bodied toddler can just climb over them. You need to teach her how to navigate the stairs safely”

child is 1.5

I'm annoyed that neither of you have installed baby gates or carpeted them, or put anti-slip grip matts down.

Accidents happen. Putting up baby gates would have prevented this happening- Nothing else.

What are you going to do when you have your first accident with her? And it will happen.

Kindly - I think you are overreacting. As many mums have pointed out, all children will have accidents - even when you are watching them. My DS had a fairly serious one - at the age of 17, working under the supervision of DH, splitting wood. The splitter shed a shard of metal, which buried itself in DS's upper arm. DH made a field dressing (he's been in the army) and it needed a couple of stitches. Both were wearing their safety gear - boots, helmets, ear defenders - but it didn't stop an accident. And DS now has a pretty cool scar.

We went on holiday with 2 and 3 year old to house with open polished wood stairs - so were ridiculously careful the whole week, get home and the 3-year of fall top to bottom down the carpeted stairs he’s used to. Accidents happen, and there will be more.

☝️👏👏👏