My DD told me to get an abortion.

[Wowokthanks]

I've name changed because I know a few people who use MN,

Perhaps it isnt just money. I would have a good chat. I'v been surprised by how much my teens need me. Perhaps she feels pushed out.

Yes this.

@JusthereforXmas you clearly don't have teenagers.
they're not meant to have well-developed, adult levels of sensitivity.
Over recent years, abortion and its impact has become a broader conversation in the adult world- but not for kids- get real! Stop expecting kids to know what adults know
Honestly, if my teen daughter asked me to get an abortion I wouldn't be writing a bitching post about her- I'd be worried about her and the impact my having another baby would have on her
I repeat: the impact an abortion would have on her mother is not her fault or her concern.

15-year-olds can be very cruel. I'm sorry she said this to you, but I would chalk it up to her age, immaturity, and hormones and try to get past it.

No 15 year old likes the thought their parents are still actively having sex and you being pregnant is a very visible confirmation of that

Dare I say it she also sounds a bit spoiled but that may just be from your posts but they basically read like she gets everything she wants?

I don't think it is about the money. It is you having kids in her teen years. That's one of the most difficult years for children, when even if they don't show, they need parents, and in her case parents have started creating a new family with new kids when she turned 14. I think this is her perspective. I can imagine it is not easy for her. But of course, it's not for her to decide.

Basically it's none of her business. She'll be off on her high flying career soon . It will hardly impact her . As you say you can afford the baby . Even if it did it's still your baby just her sibling . She'll just have to suck it up . It's probably the thought of you having sex that's upset her !

Or maybe, OP is compensating for lack of time and attention because she must be busy with baby since dd turned 14.

My daughter said to me if I get pregnant again she is leaving home and I have 4 children. Caring for 2 small children will be challenging and whether you like it or not there will be a change in the family home. If you are adamant you want to keep your child then you have to accept that there will be change and your daughter will not like it.

I am not advocating you to have an abortion this is in regards to a comment you made I had an abortion at 16 and I don't regret my decision. Your daughter is a woman of the world and she will have discussions and form her own opinions. I am pro choice my body my choice.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

Because parents do have to pay for it- not fees but living costs.

If you have a household income of more than £50,000 the student will get the minimum loan, about £4,600 this year.

This doesn't even cover the cost of accommodation in most places, so the top up suggested by government for parents is more than £5000 per academic year - which in reality for most is made up of part parental contribution and part from a student from a part time job.

Presumably she will take out a student loan and get a part time job, which is what most students do these days.

When you focus on the importance of a woman having the right to choose what happens to her body, you can explain to a teenager why it is therefore unacceptable to demand someone else has an abortion.

it'll hardly impact her?
14/15 year olds do need their parents, y'know!
the teen years can be incredibly hard to navigate but you've written her off as basically grown up and ready to go

Assuming she doesn't want to do a full on course when there is no time for a part time job, such as medicine or any at Oxford or Cambridge where students are not allowed to work.

She wants to do Engineering can she work now?

She’s entitled to her own opinion. It may not just be about money but about the fact you’ve already got a 15 month old - more hassle, more noise, more upheaval, more disruption. And lives totally dominated by small children. I’d have been quite irritated if my parents had had more kids when I was 15.

But equally it’s your life so she can’t stop you.

I just cannot imagine saying something like this to anyone never mind my mother, if it was me i would punish her for such a thing, id take away privileges and demand an apology, what a brat.

Huge age gap.
No surprise she’s not thrilled.
It’ll be noisy and chaotic in a small house while she is studying- That’s probably what she’s worried about- and less attention on her!

Unpopular opinion, I would be secretly impressed with her ability to think logically and see the bigger picture
I would, however address her insensitivity and remind her that abortion is a personal choice , whilst I’m glad that she feels able to talk to me openly and honestly, she should make sure not to make those remarks to other people as they will not appreciate it

when my friend was a similar age to your dd,
her mother who was around 40 got pregnant and my friend told her mum that she should abort because the mum was in poor health
whilst it might seem insensitive on the surface, i think my friend was just worried and concerned about her mother
maybe your dd is worried and concerned about you, or like others said, worried about the cost of living
your dd sounds very intelligent, just remind her to be more empathetic

No, most parents make up the parental contribution, at least in part. MSE has a calculator here; https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/

I am quite horrified that so many parents are aware of what they'll be expected to contribute and the strain this will put on their DC.

From her point of view her life is lovely - exactly as she wants. You seem to consistently mention money to her so she knows about the cost of living crisis and if she’s an intelligent girl she’ll have also maybe had her friends discuss it, seen a bigger impact on them and also in the news. She may well already be worried about the impact on her life.

Then you announce another baby (which few 15 year olds would be thrilled about anyway), she’s likely aware that childcare is really expensive, maternity leave badly paid etc…so it’s not a massive leap for her to assume that you can’t afford it and maintain your current lifestyle.

Shes still out of line for saying it, but I can see how her logic might have played out.

Another viewpoint is that if she’s planning to be off spreading her wings in 3 years, she’s maybe concerned that with two small children there won’t be any support for her if she needs it - almost like you’re re-doing having children as soon as she’s ready to pop off. This obviously isn’t what you’re doing but could be a thought that’s crossed her mind. I had a friend whose parents waited till she was 16 and promptly had three babies in quick succession. She felt a bit replaced and found it hard that there was not much in the family by way of support of interest when she needed it quite badly at points. One example was having quite a bad accident at uni mid exams, long wait in a&e on her own because her housemates had all had to go and do exams, and her mum and dad couldn’t come to her because they had no childcare. She obviously loved her siblings but they meant she struggled a b it with her sense of place in the family

Congratulations first of all!! 😊

From what you wrote you don't seem to have any reasons for aborting a child. I am pro abortion, but ethically for me there should be serious reasons for doing it.

I think you should explain to your daughter that as well. She shouldn't talk about disposing of a child "just because"!

It seems to me also that she doesn't understand what money troubles look like. It would be beneficial to her if you made her more aware of it. She is old enough now. I totally understand if you were raising her without worries but now she needs to start stepping into the real world slowly slowly.

Regarding her issues with dealing with younger siblings, maybe book a couple of mummy/daughter outings 😉

Best of luck!!!

Because that's going to make the situation better? All that will do is cause more resentment towards OP and her new sibling.

That's why the government is cracking down on degrees that have no outcome. My daughter will be in debt but she will have a fruitful career it's vocational not a degree she is doing.

@JustFrustrated Absolutely this.
Happens so often in step families.

It’s as if the older children are scrapped and the new child is like the bloody “Lion King” held aloft in awe.
Neighbour had a significant gap between children ( three older ones)
The older ones suffered while the young baby of much older (step) parent had it all.