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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been annoyed at this? Kids throwing themselves at the window

279 replies

britneyfears · 20/07/2023 16:15

DH is on annual leave. I'm working from home.

We have an office at the end of our garden - a converted shed with a large window and door. I have said all day that I have a big meeting at 3pm where I am giving a presentation to many people outside of my company. I have told DH this many times that I really need to be left alone from 2.30 - 3.30 at least today.

Half way through presentation I see two naked children (they are 1 and 3) running up the garden chasing one another. They are laughing and shouting. I keep my concentration. They then fling themselves up against the window, knocking on the door, shouting 'mummy mummy mummy' so loudly. SO LOUD. Loud enough so people were starting to look confused.

I start stammering, looking at the door, losing my place entirely, words getting jumbled up - - I'm hoping DH is going to get them & I can style it out. After a few mins - I have to apologise and ask for 2 mins turn off my camera and microphone.

DH then appears. Slowly walking up the garden.

As he scoops them up - I mouth 'fuck off' at him. I can't actually remember mouthing that. I mouthed something and kind of flailed my arms around to get him to take the kids back to the house.

I go back to presentation. My boss looks pissed off. Everyone else looks sympathetic.

My DH is now not talking to me as he says I'm bang out of order and shouldn't mouth fuck off at him and it#s "not nice". I didn't even have a go at him, just in the heat of the moment, with around a hundred people waiting for me to continue my presentation - I was trying to express a sense of urgency!

AIBU to have mouthed fuck off. Or is that an fairly understandable reaction to the situation.

OP posts:
thousandbirds · 21/07/2023 16:38

thenightsky · 21/07/2023 16:05

I love the way the mum drags the little girl out on her belly, mid strop, then comes back to close the door whilst still on her knees. Grin

Show quote history

I will never ever get sick of that video, it is just as funny every single time. Great family!

Backstreets · 21/07/2023 17:19

thenightsky · 21/07/2023 16:05

I love the way the mum drags the little girl out on her belly, mid strop, then comes back to close the door whilst still on her knees. Grin

Show quote history

That mum had the energy op’s husband lacked!

LookingForFreeDoughnuts · 21/07/2023 17:35

I would feel seriously undermined by this, OP. How do you feel, though?

Original poster
britneyfears · 21/07/2023 22:14

I feel a bit overwhelmed about this consensus that my husband is trying to sabotage my career. I hadn't thought of it like that. I'd thought he was annoyingly useless and then being v unfair in acting all hurt about my use of the words "fuck off". But deliberate sabotage hadn't crossed my mind. A lot to reflect on.

He definitely does take the piss out of my job sometimes but he also asks me a lot about when I'm going to get another promotion and earn more money!

Thanks for the comments Even i do feel pretty sad about it all. We haven't talked about it again. I definitely have a problem with talking to him about things like this.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 21/07/2023 22:26

OP, keep your thoughts to yourself and watch him carefully.

This is not a good man.

I would strongly advise you to get good legal advice about protecting yourself.

You are afraid of speaking to him about things.

You are bullied by him.

This is not a good relationship.

I really hope you do some reading about abusive controlling relationships where men dismiss, sabotage and denigrate women.

He is an insecure oik.

But happy to live off your higher salary.

When men behave like this in a relationship invariably women have married down.

You need to educate yourself.

Don't hesitate to post further about him.

We are here for you.

Grimbelina · 22/07/2023 09:02

OP, very wise advice from billy1966. Hard to read I am sure but important to know what you are dealing with. I found myself in a similar situation with a similar dynamic (higher earner etc.) once. It took a long time for me to realise what was really going on and I was gradually pulled down. It was abusive.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 22/07/2023 19:17

Sit down to watch Ali Wong: Don Wong Netflix special with him, she has an excellent bit about how husband should feel if their wives earn more! Record his reaction too Wink

Daffidale · 22/07/2023 20:09

This is one of those times AIBU needs the old Reddit option of ESA: Everybody Sucks Here

He should have kept the kids away like you asked, or at least got a shuffle on when they ran out into the garden and started hassling you. It does sound like he doesn’t take the importance of the presentation / your work seriously.

But you massively over reacted . I get the meeting was important and stressful, but if you WFH with young kids then these things happen and you just have to style it out.

If I told my DH to “fuck off” about anything he’d be furious. I’d be furious if he said it to me. I don’t care how cross you were. Unless you are the kind of people who routinely use that language with each other, it was out of order.

If it’s so important you absolutely cannot be disturbed then you need to arrange things to cope eg lock on door, blind so kids can’t be seen through it, noise cancelling headphones, or arrange for kids to be taken out during that time.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/07/2023 22:18

Daffidale · 22/07/2023 20:09

This is one of those times AIBU needs the old Reddit option of ESA: Everybody Sucks Here

He should have kept the kids away like you asked, or at least got a shuffle on when they ran out into the garden and started hassling you. It does sound like he doesn’t take the importance of the presentation / your work seriously.

But you massively over reacted . I get the meeting was important and stressful, but if you WFH with young kids then these things happen and you just have to style it out.

If I told my DH to “fuck off” about anything he’d be furious. I’d be furious if he said it to me. I don’t care how cross you were. Unless you are the kind of people who routinely use that language with each other, it was out of order.

If it’s so important you absolutely cannot be disturbed then you need to arrange things to cope eg lock on door, blind so kids can’t be seen through it, noise cancelling headphones, or arrange for kids to be taken out during that time.

No, she's not an arsehole at all.
You must have really low, subpar expectations of your husband or even yourself to think it's remotely difficult to not let two small naked children go running into the garden and plaster themselves all over a window, all this requires is to lock a door 🤷‍♀️
If it were an accident he definitely didn't seem to think he had to move at any speed to rectify his error. So, is he incompetent and lazy or did he deliberately try to sabotage his wife's professional reputation?
All because the big man at home has a conflicting resentment with his wifes superior earning capacity ( he likes the money but hates that it's earnt by the woman at home ) in which case he is a complete and utter arsehole.

Hibiscrubbed · 22/07/2023 23:05

Daffidale · 22/07/2023 20:09

This is one of those times AIBU needs the old Reddit option of ESA: Everybody Sucks Here

He should have kept the kids away like you asked, or at least got a shuffle on when they ran out into the garden and started hassling you. It does sound like he doesn’t take the importance of the presentation / your work seriously.

But you massively over reacted . I get the meeting was important and stressful, but if you WFH with young kids then these things happen and you just have to style it out.

If I told my DH to “fuck off” about anything he’d be furious. I’d be furious if he said it to me. I don’t care how cross you were. Unless you are the kind of people who routinely use that language with each other, it was out of order.

If it’s so important you absolutely cannot be disturbed then you need to arrange things to cope eg lock on door, blind so kids can’t be seen through it, noise cancelling headphones, or arrange for kids to be taken out during that time.

Get a grip. The OP did nothing wrong.

Kyliemichelletaylor · 23/07/2023 22:46

Im raging on your behalf - it shouldn’t have happened and of it did, he should have FALLEN OVER himself to apologise. I’d be telling him a hell of a lot worse!

FictionalCharacter · 24/07/2023 00:53

@Daffidale Noise cancelling headphones won't stop the other people on the call hearing the racket through her mic.

Hankunamatata · 24/07/2023 01:16

I'd tell him he doesn't respect you or your career. He made you look like a total fool at work.

JST88 · 24/07/2023 07:37

Tbh it’s a complete lack of respect to not afford you the smallest amount of time. He knew you were doing the presentation just didn’t care enough to support you. Now to turn it on you is a joke

Sceptre86 · 24/07/2023 07:50

It isn't that hard to keep 2 kids out of the garden. He could have taken them out if he felt they were getting bored. My dh works from home a lot, whenever he has an external meeting or is talking to executives I either take my kids out or we play upstairs (dh works in our dining room). I value his job though, it's very different to mine but he is the main earner and the flexibility in his job means I can work too without needing childcare.

He sabotaged you and I would be royally pissed. Looking after his own children should not be so hard, there's only 2 of them. Does he do so often? Or do you pitch in whenever you have a break in your working day?

Catsmere · 24/07/2023 07:52

Sounds like this prick is trying to get you fired.

Ladyvgc · 24/07/2023 09:07

Let’s be honest, most men never consider a woman’s job to actually be that important! If it were the other way round, you’d hVe kept them well out the way. But because it’s just a woman’s job, it can’t possibly be that big a deal!

Jack80 · 24/07/2023 09:29

I would be happy with him not taking to me. Tell him eventually it could have got you a warning.

Ibizamumof4 · 24/07/2023 09:41

Out of order ! Have you not got an office or other place you could work from it’s seems he expects you to still be available even if you are working from home. Been there and got the t shirt would rather travel an hour into work then have the kids there (even if there’s childcare ) when I am working

Wellerman · 24/07/2023 11:28

Show him these comments......

Newestname002 · 24/07/2023 11:47

Wellerman · 24/07/2023 11:28

Show him these comments......

He doesn't sound the sort of person who would care what we think. He's probably more likely to have a go at her. 🌹

Homelife124 · 24/07/2023 12:38

As your partner he should have respected you had an important task and needed to be professional.

If he had been working and you knew he had a similar meeting would you have let it happen?
If the answer is no you should expect the same in return.
Your partner should support your job and career.

Jem123456789 · 24/07/2023 15:59

Jeez, there’s only one idiot here and it’s NOT you. He had one job to do and he couldn’t even do that. I’d be so annoyed and tbh I wouldn’t be speaking to him, not the other way round! Just a basic lack of consideration from him! Tell him to grow a pair and also tell him that you’re expecting an apology from him!!

Original poster
britneyfears · 10/08/2023 22:39

For all the people saying its a sign my DH is trying to sabotage or disrespect my job in some way....I think you must be right

Today not only did him and the kids come in at 5pm on the dot while I was in a pretty serious conversation with someone I manage...storming in...I quickly said to the (male) colleague "oh sorry for all the sudden noise, I've got to go" etc even though colleague was half way through a very serious concern with a project...but then DH shouted "i bet that idiot is in love with you" barely seconds before I hung up the teams call. I've been so stressed the colleague heard but he sent me a v normal sounding email later so think all fine...but fuck. Not good at all.

OP posts:
Grimbelina · 10/08/2023 22:44

That is very sad to read. Unfortunately in my experience things will only get worse... It took me a while to realise and eventually to leave.

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