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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been annoyed at this? Kids throwing themselves at the window

279 replies

britneyfears · 20/07/2023 16:15

DH is on annual leave. I'm working from home.

We have an office at the end of our garden - a converted shed with a large window and door. I have said all day that I have a big meeting at 3pm where I am giving a presentation to many people outside of my company. I have told DH this many times that I really need to be left alone from 2.30 - 3.30 at least today.

Half way through presentation I see two naked children (they are 1 and 3) running up the garden chasing one another. They are laughing and shouting. I keep my concentration. They then fling themselves up against the window, knocking on the door, shouting 'mummy mummy mummy' so loudly. SO LOUD. Loud enough so people were starting to look confused.

I start stammering, looking at the door, losing my place entirely, words getting jumbled up - - I'm hoping DH is going to get them & I can style it out. After a few mins - I have to apologise and ask for 2 mins turn off my camera and microphone.

DH then appears. Slowly walking up the garden.

As he scoops them up - I mouth 'fuck off' at him. I can't actually remember mouthing that. I mouthed something and kind of flailed my arms around to get him to take the kids back to the house.

I go back to presentation. My boss looks pissed off. Everyone else looks sympathetic.

My DH is now not talking to me as he says I'm bang out of order and shouldn't mouth fuck off at him and it#s "not nice". I didn't even have a go at him, just in the heat of the moment, with around a hundred people waiting for me to continue my presentation - I was trying to express a sense of urgency!

AIBU to have mouthed fuck off. Or is that an fairly understandable reaction to the situation.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/07/2023 13:20

Time not to men

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/07/2023 13:21

Cupcakekiller · 21/07/2023 12:36

It's not hard to keep 2 young kids in the house for an hour. What a dick.

And I'm sure OP managed fine when it's her doing it

ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 13:24

He didn't think you doing your job was that serious?

I mean just fucking wow.

Whilst hes not talking to you are you getting to be the default parent as well?

Previous poster hit the nail on the head with saying he is undermining you.

Out of interest, do you earn more or less than him?

Doone21 · 21/07/2023 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alconleigh · 21/07/2023 13:28

Agree this was deliberate and done to sabotage your performance as he feels inadequate because you have a better career than him. Boo fucking hoo. I earn more than double what my partner does. He is never anything other than proud and supportive. I'd be seriously considering whether you want to stay with this Neanderthal. And sorry, I know it must be really hard to read post after post saying the same thing, but it's so clear from the outside.

ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 13:29

In practical terms though I'd make it as awkward as fuck for Dh moving forward by attending the office for the rest of his leave if possible.

I'd also schedule a meeting with my boss, apologise profusely, make up a white lie about DH being lax e.g. he was dealing who a vomiting 1yo or changing a nappy 3yo snuck out and promise that it has been discussed at home and you have put something in place to stop it happening again. Apologise, reassure and offer a way to make amends. And if there is ever a next time, cut the call and blame technology.

billy1966 · 21/07/2023 13:29

hot2trotter · 21/07/2023 13:14

So instead of waiting for the bollocking you would have given him (and he deserved) he went straight on the attack and turned you into the bad guy. Yep. Sounds like a great husband.

Classic DARVO.

From the handbook of abusive men.

I hope the OP is still reading and realising she is married to a nasty abusive man who is determined to undermine her.

No way this is in isolation.

billy1966 · 21/07/2023 13:31

ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 13:29

In practical terms though I'd make it as awkward as fuck for Dh moving forward by attending the office for the rest of his leave if possible.

I'd also schedule a meeting with my boss, apologise profusely, make up a white lie about DH being lax e.g. he was dealing who a vomiting 1yo or changing a nappy 3yo snuck out and promise that it has been discussed at home and you have put something in place to stop it happening again. Apologise, reassure and offer a way to make amends. And if there is ever a next time, cut the call and blame technology.

This.

Also keep family and friends close.

I have NO doubt you are going to need them and your career.

ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 13:31

ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 13:24

He didn't think you doing your job was that serious?

I mean just fucking wow.

Whilst hes not talking to you are you getting to be the default parent as well?

Previous poster hit the nail on the head with saying he is undermining you.

Out of interest, do you earn more or less than him?

Just saw you earn more. Of course you do. No wonder he is undermining you.

ChaToilLeam · 21/07/2023 13:40

He does not respect you or your position. It isn’t hard to keep two tiny children in the house for 30 mins.

What an insecure, sabotaging prick!

Branwells77 · 21/07/2023 14:27

All you asked DH for was one hour and he couldn’t even manage that. The fact that he’s not talking to you is unbelievable and he’s upset you mouthed the word F off clearly has no respect for you or your job. DO NOT apologise to him he owes you an apology for not looking after his children for one hour.
I am actually angry for you right now I hope your presentation went well and your not in any trouble with your boss.

NotBotheredAnymore · 21/07/2023 14:47

In practical terms though I'd make it as awkward as fuck for Dh moving forward by attending the office for the rest of his leave if possible.

Have to say I agree with this. Let him parent his children during his leave as I'm sure he would expect you to do it. Put it under "sucking up to boss because of the fucked up meeting". Has he apologised to you yet?

TomatoSandwiches · 21/07/2023 14:55

He's OK with you now and talking to you?

Whoop - de - fucking - do!

Well I for one wouldn't be fucking alright with him from now on.

I think the idea of going into work for his leave is just the start of a good idea, make sure you stop off at a good place for your dinner before you get home, take your time and enjoy eating in peace.

Clymene · 21/07/2023 15:01

ReachForTheMars · 21/07/2023 13:29

In practical terms though I'd make it as awkward as fuck for Dh moving forward by attending the office for the rest of his leave if possible.

I'd also schedule a meeting with my boss, apologise profusely, make up a white lie about DH being lax e.g. he was dealing who a vomiting 1yo or changing a nappy 3yo snuck out and promise that it has been discussed at home and you have put something in place to stop it happening again. Apologise, reassure and offer a way to make amends. And if there is ever a next time, cut the call and blame technology.

That's an excellent idea. I'd go into the office at 7 and have client meetings every evening.

maggiemuff · 21/07/2023 15:11

He is totally wrong. I would have had more than fuck off to say to him!! He should be apologising to you!

pavillion1 · 21/07/2023 15:45

i must admit i have told my DH if he has any important work days hes better to go into the office as our home is our not home not a place of work and its not fair on the kids to treat it as one . i dont know your work situation OP so that option might not be available to you .

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/07/2023 15:46

britneyfears · 20/07/2023 19:49

If I'd gone ballistic and shouting that would be unreasonable. But a stressed "fuck off" in the moment doesn't seem like a big deal to me given the situation. He acted like I was abusive "it's not acceptable to swear at me when I'm trying my best to look after our kids". I feel like he was being manipulative. I went back to work and then after he just went back to acting normal.

I don't know if it was deliberate. I hope not. He does have some complex feelings that i earn more. Speaks a lot about me fannying about on email. He has a physical job.

Well, for starters, he was NOT trying his best, was he? Or the kids wouldn't have got anywhere near your home office, would they?

And you feel like he was being manipulative, because he WAS being manipulative!

You need to have a conversation with him about this. You both need to talk through his "complex feelings that [you] earn more", because you don't want him to drop you in it with your boss ever again. Ask him where you, as a family, would be financially without your income (for most families these days, where you'd be would be 'on the street' if one income was lost). He needs to park his bruised ego somewhere other than on your job! His letting (encouraging?) the kids loose is looking a lot like passive aggression.

I think you've had some good advice from others on the practicalities of protecting your job. I'll repeat @ReachForTheMars in full, because it is really good advice:

In practical terms though I'd make it as awkward as fuck for Dh moving forward by attending the office for the rest of his leave if possible.

I'd also schedule a meeting with my boss, apologise profusely, make up a white lie about DH being lax e.g. he was dealing who a vomiting 1yo or changing a nappy 3yo snuck out and promise that it has been discussed at home and you have put something in place to stop it happening again. Apologise, reassure and offer a way to make amends. And if there is ever a next time, cut the call and blame technology.

Definitely talk to your boss as advised. And yes, work from the office and not your home office for the rest of his annual leave. You're actually not doing it to be awkward - you're protecting your job and demonstrating your commitment to it by going in to the office for the foreseeable. And if he gets snitty about it, tough. He only has himself to blame here. As the saying goes - 'Fuck around and find out'. He fucked around. Now he gets to find out.

Florissante · 21/07/2023 15:50

Jongleterre · 20/07/2023 16:27

That's very inconsiderate of him and I wonder if it was done deliberately to undermine you because he resented looking after the children?

Hopefully not.

Although, your post did make me look up this video -

I have watched that video numerous times and find it just as funny as I did the first. That little girl has such confidence and that baby is like a miniature Dalek. Dad handled it like the pro he is.

A lovely family and I wish them all the best.

MeridianB · 21/07/2023 15:50

YADNBU! He let you down.

I wonder if it was done deliberately to undermine you because he resented looking after the children?

This is my theory. I have no idea if this is the first time you've asked him or a daily thing, but I just don't believe it happened accidentally. And now he's making it all about your 'offensive' language - yet more deflecting from his crap parenting.

pavillion1 · 21/07/2023 15:56

pavillion1 · 21/07/2023 15:45

i must admit i have told my DH if he has any important work days hes better to go into the office as our home is our not home not a place of work and its not fair on the kids to treat it as one . i dont know your work situation OP so that option might not be available to you .

Our home not , not our home 🤣

Catspyjamas17 · 21/07/2023 15:57

sadlittlelifejane · 20/07/2023 17:29

Maybe he forgot. God forbid

Show quote history

Unless he's got early onset dementia or something that's no excuse.

He had one job. While he was on annual leave. For an hour.

Grimbelina · 21/07/2023 15:59

OP, I do think you have to consider that he is sabotaging you. He is even telling you that he didn't think your meeting was important....

thenightsky · 21/07/2023 16:05

Florissante · 21/07/2023 15:50

I have watched that video numerous times and find it just as funny as I did the first. That little girl has such confidence and that baby is like a miniature Dalek. Dad handled it like the pro he is.

A lovely family and I wish them all the best.

Show quote history

I love the way the mum drags the little girl out on her belly, mid strop, then comes back to close the door whilst still on her knees. Grin

Brefugee · 21/07/2023 16:37

I don't know if it was deliberate. I hope not. He does have some complex feelings that i earn more. Speaks a lot about me fannying about on email. He has a physical job.

i always earned more than my DH (me office, he manual trade) and he never felt emasculated or anything. If your DH does, that is for him to work out, it is not a problem for you to solve.

In your position i would make it clear that you do 3 days at home so you can do the evening routine, and if he wants you to work 5 days he can take over everything and lump it without a murmur.

Wallywobbles · 21/07/2023 16:37

You need to up your anger to make sure that he respects you and your work. Dick head.