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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been annoyed at this? Kids throwing themselves at the window

279 replies

britneyfears · 20/07/2023 16:15

DH is on annual leave. I'm working from home.

We have an office at the end of our garden - a converted shed with a large window and door. I have said all day that I have a big meeting at 3pm where I am giving a presentation to many people outside of my company. I have told DH this many times that I really need to be left alone from 2.30 - 3.30 at least today.

Half way through presentation I see two naked children (they are 1 and 3) running up the garden chasing one another. They are laughing and shouting. I keep my concentration. They then fling themselves up against the window, knocking on the door, shouting 'mummy mummy mummy' so loudly. SO LOUD. Loud enough so people were starting to look confused.

I start stammering, looking at the door, losing my place entirely, words getting jumbled up - - I'm hoping DH is going to get them & I can style it out. After a few mins - I have to apologise and ask for 2 mins turn off my camera and microphone.

DH then appears. Slowly walking up the garden.

As he scoops them up - I mouth 'fuck off' at him. I can't actually remember mouthing that. I mouthed something and kind of flailed my arms around to get him to take the kids back to the house.

I go back to presentation. My boss looks pissed off. Everyone else looks sympathetic.

My DH is now not talking to me as he says I'm bang out of order and shouldn't mouth fuck off at him and it#s "not nice". I didn't even have a go at him, just in the heat of the moment, with around a hundred people waiting for me to continue my presentation - I was trying to express a sense of urgency!

AIBU to have mouthed fuck off. Or is that an fairly understandable reaction to the situation.

OP posts:
Backstreets · 20/07/2023 16:36

He’s being a bit of a princess

purplecorkheart · 20/07/2023 16:36

He knows he is in wrong but is trying to twist things to make you feel that you are wrong

EmmaEmerald · 20/07/2023 16:37

I'm sorry but I'd wonder if it was deliberate.

sevenbyseven · 20/07/2023 16:37

Yanbu but at the same time get some headphones! There's no chance people would hear background noise like that then. Problem solved.

Obviously DH should do his best but sometimes mistakes happen. Headphones would make you much less stressed in this situation.

gamerchick · 20/07/2023 16:39

He did that deliberately. I'll bet he has a history of trying to sabotage you

Stop feeling in the dog house. Tell him he was out of order and to stay the fuck out of your face until he apologises.

DoesItHaveKosovo · 20/07/2023 16:42

Your H is a prick. I would have gone nuclear, because this happened to me too when I went back to work after mat leave (full time wfh was mandatory). My H’s idea of a full day looking after our son was for me to help him by starting late, taking a long lunch, finishing early and being interrupted whenever he felt like it. I told him to fuck off, too.

Talk it out if he’s not usually such a disrespectful bastard but don’t minimise it.

AlanJohnsonsBeamer · 20/07/2023 16:43

I would have done a lot more than mouthed "fuck off".

Tbh, you sound like you kept your cool.

LobsterCrab · 20/07/2023 16:43

I would be absolutely livid about this.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 20/07/2023 16:43

I’ve no idea how you managed to stay so calm. I would have finished laying that brand new patio by now…

SoGiveMeCoffeeAndTV · 20/07/2023 16:45

Yanbu. I never let my children disturb my husband when he’s working from home. Mine were similar ages during Covid and it was hard work getting them to not disturb him - we weren’t lucky enough to have a separate office space. But I managed it. If they did something similar I wouldn’t be offended by a mouthed fuck off. In fact if I was in your position it probably wouldn’t have been mouthed!

CatMattress · 20/07/2023 16:45

sevenbyseven · 20/07/2023 16:37

Yanbu but at the same time get some headphones! There's no chance people would hear background noise like that then. Problem solved.

Obviously DH should do his best but sometimes mistakes happen. Headphones would make you much less stressed in this situation.

Agree with this. My study is next door to the sitting room with some flimsy doors between the two. My noise cancelling headphones are brilliant for shutting out the telly and squabbling and means I'm not distracted and colleagues can't hear the kids because the mic is directional.
This with a lock on the door should help you feel a bit more secure.

In the meantime tell him you're on a disciplinary, as suggested above, and ask him why he's pissed off when his sabotage of your job could lead to you losing it. Does he earn enough to keep all four of you?

I know this is extreme, but if he continues to sabotage you like this it could be the outcome... Or at the v least losing WFH privileges - how will that affect family life? Doesn't sound like your boss is very happy with work and home colliding and a garden office ought to fix that, it's only your H's stupid decisions that are putting your WFH at risk.

Canisaysomething · 20/07/2023 16:46

It's really hard to keep kids away when they know you are home and working. But it can definitely be managed for an hour. Were you clear enough it was an important presentation? Had he been trying to keep them away already that day and just quickly nipped for a wee? 1 and 3 is a tricky age and working at home is mostly to blame here.

Prelapsarianhag · 20/07/2023 16:48

He is a cunt, go and tell him so from me instead of you 'getting it in the neck'. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Gloxinia · 20/07/2023 16:50

He's useless if he couldn't keep them locked in the house or take them out for 1 hour. And then to saunter after them after they've already interrupted you

thenightsky · 20/07/2023 16:51

Sauvblanctime · 20/07/2023 16:25

I would be livid. He had ONE job

And a job that only last one hour at that! Useless man.

Gloxinia · 20/07/2023 16:52

Is he going to be able to prevent them getting out the front door onto the road, if it's so challenging to stop them getting out the back door?

Totalwasteofpaper · 20/07/2023 16:53

I had something similar happen involving multiple yapping dogs and my DH amd DM loudly discussing dinner options.
It was beyond horrendous and such an important meeting and i looked like an absolute moron. I cried afterwards.
My DH felt terrible and my DM cried too 😳

I cannot BELIEVE his repsonse.

This is a hilli i would die on.

Do not back down

Fudgewomble · 20/07/2023 16:54

He’s useless, I’d still be furious. Don’t feel bad about the mouthed FO, he is the one who’s massively in the wrong here.

KimberleyClark · 20/07/2023 16:55

EmmaEmerald · 20/07/2023 16:37

I'm sorry but I'd wonder if it was deliberate.

Sorry but so would I.

MrsElsa · 20/07/2023 16:55

Is this the first time he's undermined your professional life? E.g. not taking time off when they're ill, expecting or demanding you do it? Or pulling a face/strop if you go away/off site for work 5am-11pm or overnight?

He just doesn't give a toss does he.

Next time he has an important work thing make sure to come down ill with a 3 day long mystery illness so you have to lock yourself away in the bedroom while he has to cancel work / sort emergency childcare / clean and cook and see how he likes it.

MammaTo · 20/07/2023 16:56

Tell him to fuck off again I beg of you, his reaction will be priceless.

SkatieKatie · 20/07/2023 16:57

SeulementUneFois · 20/07/2023 16:26

OP
Let's cut to the chase. Consciously or not, he's undermining you.
Think about that.

I agree

He made you look totally unprofessional

I would be furious with him

sadlittlelifejane · 20/07/2023 16:58

These comments are brutal and some of them are just nasty. It was a mistake. One we are all capable of making. Imagine being called useless, a disrespectful bastard etc etc just because you forgot your partner had a meeting at a certain time when you are home with the kids all day and it all blurs into one.

LobsterCrab · 20/07/2023 17:00

But @sadlittlelifejane he thinks the OP was in the wrong and is not speaking to her.

Begonne · 20/07/2023 17:00

There are various reasons why the dc might have escaped but not one that justifies him slowly walking up the garden path.

Usually my sympathy is with the child wrangler when there’s a wfh parent, as they are in the family space. Obviously there is a balance to be struck. But if you require perfect working conditions you need to go out to work, and not expect toddlers to stop being toddlers.

If it was a one off, I think a sensible person would have arranged to take them out of the house. But if it’s an everyday problem wfh might not be feasible.