To have been annoyed at this? Kids throwing themselves at the window

[britneyfears]

DH is on annual leave. I'm working from home.

We have an office at the end of our garden - a converted shed with a large window and door. I have said all day that I have a big meeting at 3pm where I am giving a presentation to many people outside of my company. I have told DH this many times that I really need to be left alone from 2.30 - 3.30 at least today.

Half way through presentation I see two naked children (they are 1 and 3) running up the garden chasing one another. They are laughing and shouting. I keep my concentration. They then fling themselves up against the window, knocking on the door, shouting 'mummy mummy mummy' so loudly. SO LOUD. Loud enough so people were starting to look confused.

I start stammering, looking at the door, losing my place entirely, words getting jumbled up - - I'm hoping DH is going to get them & I can style it out. After a few mins - I have to apologise and ask for 2 mins turn off my camera and microphone.

DH then appears. Slowly walking up the garden.

As he scoops them up - I mouth 'fuck off' at him. I can't actually remember mouthing that. I mouthed something and kind of flailed my arms around to get him to take the kids back to the house.

I go back to presentation. My boss looks pissed off. Everyone else looks sympathetic.

My DH is now not talking to me as he says I'm bang out of order and shouldn't mouth fuck off at him and it#s "not nice". I didn't even have a go at him, just in the heat of the moment, with around a hundred people waiting for me to continue my presentation - I was trying to express a sense of urgency!

AIBU to have mouthed fuck off. Or is that an fairly understandable reaction to the situation.

I'd be raging. He shouldn't have even been in at home with them! He should have taken the kids out to the park so there was no chance of interruption. It's one hour and you made it very clear.

He can Fuck Off....from me.
I'd be raging

I'm not sure why you're trying to find levity in what is obviously a toxic situation @Beenhereforever1978 ?

I don't understand the reference or why you think this is helpful to the OP. For the OP, her children interjecting was inappropriate and embarrassing. No one cares what your interview was for. It's irrelevant and dismissive of her situation.

He does have some complex feelings that i earn more. Speaks a lot about me fannying about on email
Bingo. That's why he did it.

Because MN has forever been a source of both sharp advice and levity. I've been here for nearly a decade and it has ever been thus.

Just because you view a situation one way, it doesn't mean that everyone has to, and nor do they have to subscribe to your particular view of a situation because you feel you have the sharpest insight. You're right to call it out if you feel it necessary to do so of course.

Sometimes people just need a laugh.

That sounds deliberate. The slow walk to retrieve them gives it away. Does he resent you working?

@Beenhereforever1978 - weird. I've been here longer than that and I don't remember women being undermined and sabotaged by their husbands as a source of levity. Guess I've been reading the wrong threads.

@Clymene well you and I clearly have different views here. I've rarely been on a thread where there isn't a huge amount of pisstaking alongside serious and useful advice. It's what keeps me here.

I'll keep being glib and you can keep telling me off, how about that? 🙂

So you don't know if you mouthed fuck off- but he's convinced with his lip reading degree you did, and is sulking when he failed to do the one thi if you needed him to do today, and explicitly asked him to. He's lucky he only thinks you mouthed fuck off. His a selfish ignorant twat. You asked for and needed one thing only for one hour and he couldn't respect you enough to do it. I'd be the one sulking in this situation......

So what was his excuse not not being able to parent/control/take to park for half an hour his children?

Surely a one and three year old weren't in the garden unsupervised?

He was being passive aggressive by the sounds of it both before and after the incident.

YANBU OP. It sounds as if he resents you being the highest earner and having what he may see as a more “important” job and consciously or sub consciously was doing it as an act of defiance. The giveaway is the casual stroll down to get the kids.

I’ve never been materialistic but the older I get the more I don’t like the idea of getting with a man who relies on my income for the household because so often I hear resentment coming from lower earning men. It’s one thing being the main breadwinner as a woman but it’s another thing having your husband hold it against you!

Tell him half of mumsnet tell him to respectfully fuck off 🙂

You say you don't remember mouthing "fuck off". So did he tell you you mouthed that and you believed him? It doesn't mean that's what you mouthed unless it's something you would have likely said in that situation. He could have easily made that up to try to make you feel worse.

@britneyfears I haven't read the entire thread but I think from your description of what happened a mouthed 'fuck off' is understandable.

Also, have to say your description of your ex and his complex feelings about your job would be a red flag for me. I was higher earner in my marriage- professional job and ex did physical work. His work was affected and he couldn't work during the lockdowns so looked after (some of the time) the kids whilst I worked under a lot of pressure. He was eaten up with resentment, carried on a secret affair and then left me for the affair partner when the lockdowns and restrictions started to ease. He's now trying to totally rinse me in the family court. Take care and please don't let your H gaslight you.

It probably doesn’t help but I regularly get pissed of with dh because I’m a headteacher and even now he takes the mickey out of my job not being a proper job and me just playing with children etc. most people in life respect teaching and senior leadership as a tough but valuable career. I’m going back to full time in sept and his comment was that he’s glad I’m finally going to be pulling my weight. Honestly men sometimes 😡😡😡

Bloody hell, I got told off during lockdown by one of my kids as they were doing an online test for school and I was talking loudly outside their door about toilet paper. I apologised profusely because I was in the wrong!

I can guarantee you that almost any mother can look after kids ‘all day’ without having them escape into the garden stark naked and interrupt the one hour that their other parent needs peace and quiet. I would have gone ballistic and I think I would then arrange a debrief with a friend over drinks and dinner and leave DH with the evening shift as well.

He is SO in the wrong I can’t even say.

I’d be getting some blinds at least put in the office so that they can’t be seen and they can’t see you. The rule is when the blinds are closed the meeting is important

I don’t wfh - can’t as an sen teacher - but I do a lot of voluntary work which involves meetings online. My kids are older and can look at themselves but they often appear for something urgent during the meeting and I’ve got to be really firm with them about it. Meetings are usually evening when they should be in bed. But we do often get the naked child appearing on screens of others when the dad should be looking after them! Seems a thing!!

DH is now OK with me. He's started talking to me again

Has he apologised to you?

This is incredibly disrespectful and a red flag , definitely not all men would make comments like this about the teaching profession.

Did you take time out working part-time to look after children? If so his comment about finally pulling your weight is extra disrespectful.

He’s now “ok with you”?! Wow, how noble of him!! He owes you a MASSIVE grovelling apology OP. Pathetic man child he is.
And sorry, but no it’s NOT hard looking after two small kids. Sorry but it isn’t. Easy to keep them away from one small area of the garden for an hour out the whole day. Stuck TV on, do some art and crafts, play a game. No excuse. I would be furious op.

@britneyfears

Don't know if you've had feedback from your boss yet - hope he was reasonable and calm and realised that you had done all you could to avoid the problem happening in the first place and pick up the pieces after you were disturbed. Fingers crossed you get a good result from the clients to your presentation.

BTW: if your boss says you can't present from your home office again, perhaps investigate the possibility of suitable flexible business premises near your home which would allow you to be offsite but also not have a commute into the office. 🌹

It's not hard to keep 2 young kids in the house for an hour. What a dick.

So instead of waiting for the bollocking you would have given him (and he deserved) he went straight on the attack and turned you into the bad guy. Yep. Sounds like a great husband.

During the one hour in which you told him you needed quiet! What is a one year old doing with out his supervision anyway even for a few seconds that's dangerously

I think you could apologize for swearing only but still maintain that you had a right to be very angry and hurt and let down given that he let you down badly and he needs to take ownership of that and take the kids out of the house all day next to men