To have been annoyed at this? Kids throwing themselves at the window

[britneyfears]

DH is on annual leave. I'm working from home.

We have an office at the end of our garden - a converted shed with a large window and door. I have said all day that I have a big meeting at 3pm where I am giving a presentation to many people outside of my company. I have told DH this many times that I really need to be left alone from 2.30 - 3.30 at least today.

Half way through presentation I see two naked children (they are 1 and 3) running up the garden chasing one another. They are laughing and shouting. I keep my concentration. They then fling themselves up against the window, knocking on the door, shouting 'mummy mummy mummy' so loudly. SO LOUD. Loud enough so people were starting to look confused.

I start stammering, looking at the door, losing my place entirely, words getting jumbled up - - I'm hoping DH is going to get them & I can style it out. After a few mins - I have to apologise and ask for 2 mins turn off my camera and microphone.

DH then appears. Slowly walking up the garden.

As he scoops them up - I mouth 'fuck off' at him. I can't actually remember mouthing that. I mouthed something and kind of flailed my arms around to get him to take the kids back to the house.

I go back to presentation. My boss looks pissed off. Everyone else looks sympathetic.

My DH is now not talking to me as he says I'm bang out of order and shouldn't mouth fuck off at him and it#s "not nice". I didn't even have a go at him, just in the heat of the moment, with around a hundred people waiting for me to continue my presentation - I was trying to express a sense of urgency!

AIBU to have mouthed fuck off. Or is that an fairly understandable reaction to the situation.

That's because most times the husbands are in the actual house, not even in a designated space but communal living areas like living room or kitchen.

I would genuinely be rethinking your wfh arrangement because it sounds like he's deliberately undermining you. And I would tell your DH that his inability to control the kids while you're working is the reason you're no longer allowed to wfh as it's made you seem less dedicated to your job.

Well thats you put back in your box isnt it. You say he was told multiple times TODAY about the meeting, so he has no excuse for forgetting. It just wasnt important to him so he didnt prioritise it.

Lets be very nice and give him the benefit of the doubt for a sec, a supportive partner who cared about you when realising they had fucked up and put you in a very embarrassing and career damaging position would RUN to rectify the issue and be extremely apologetic. A mouthed fuck off would be mild in comparison to his major fuck up.

Read up on DARVO, only you know if hes having a bad day or if this is a pattern of behaviour. Dont let him off the hook for this and make you out to be the unreasonable one.

Beware of Abuser's Using D.A.R.V.O
D = Denies responsibility
A = Attacks you
R = Reverses roles of
V = Victim (you) and
O = Offender (the abuser)

Yep this.

I'd be livid.

Seems a bit stupid of him not to just take them out to the park while you needed to be left alone, no? 🤦🏽‍♀️

Sounds like he's got an 'attitude problem', couldn't be bothered to listen to you or care about how important your presentation was, then got shitty with you when he let it be ruined and has turned it round on you.

I'm figuring MOST people would be utterly apologetic at letting this happen so I wonder why he's not.

Did you not know OP ? Man work is SO MICH MORE IMPORTANT THAN WOMAN WORK ... we just do it for shits and giggles ...

I feel your pain ..

DH is IT consultant..woe-betide ANYONE who interrupts his meetings.. and yet I work in Organised crime dealing with CSE amongst other things .. and yet .. constant interruptions ...

Lost my shit last week . I think he may finally have the message.

Not in summer really. In general, responses on here are incredibly anti expecting any concessions from a parent taking care of children while the other parent wfh.
If someone posted "my DH wfh in an office in the garden, but that means that in nice weather I have to keep the children out of the garden whenever he has an important meeting", I'd put money on the responses being "nope, it's a home first, and the garden is part of that."

That's not to say I wouldn't be cross in OP's situation. But really, a garden in nice weather with small children is not a great working space if you need quiet.

“For fuck’s sake” acceptable
”Fuck off” rude

Your husband has a bloody cheek. He had ONE job. Keep the children in the house for one hour. It's not difficult. Hope you don't get into bother with your work. How are things generally between you both? Is he resentful of your career and earnings?

She had one meeting for an hour. She wasn't asking for the children to be kept out of the garden all summer.

I've not seen any of those posts where people are saying that DHs that work from home should expect constant interruption and noise. I certainly wouldn't make such a statement.

My husband works from home a lot and I hate it as I find it so stressful trying to keep the kids out of the way (5 kids and 3 are under 4) .However- I absolutely wouldn’t let them near my OH while he is working! Your husband has been really selfish here.

Tell his him that hespathetic that he can't look after his kids for 1 hour. Dipsh*t

The slow walk to collect them is the key - especially as he only noticed after you’d actually come out to deal with them.

If you remember the BBC interview where a man was speaking to the camera from his home office and his two kids interrupted - bouncy little girl and a baby in a walker - the Mum realizing what had happened practically flew into the room on her knees to try to grab them both without being seen.

That’s how you react when you realize you’ve let the kids interrupt your spouse’s important presentation.

To be petty, I wouldn't be talking to him!

What an arse. You're salary is relied on but he deliberately sabotaged an important meeting?

Is he horrible in other ways?

For an hour, they can cope.

A thing? Not that serious? The slow walk (nail in the coffin for me too)?

Honestly it feels like he's subconsciously dismissive of what matters to you ie your professionalism, reputation, ability to perform well.

If I'd gone ballistic and shouting that would be unreasonable. But a stressed "fuck off" in the moment doesn't seem like a big deal to me given the situation. He acted like I was abusive "it's not acceptable to swear at me when I'm trying my best to look after our kids". I feel like he was being manipulative. I went back to work and then after he just went back to acting normal.

I don't know if it was deliberate. I hope not. He does have some complex feelings that i earn more. Speaks a lot about me fannying about on email. He has a physical job.

Yes, but he should be apologetic for forgetting. Not angry with OP for being angry.

I'm the SAHP and my husband WFH most days. If our kids had disturbed him in the middle of an important meeting I'd be mortified. I wouldn't like being sworn at (but it depends how usual that is for you, as we're really not sweary in general so it would feel very extreme to me). But I wouldn't be sulking and getting defensive. I'd apologise profusely for the interruption and recognise that the situation was my fault. Then we'd discuss the swearing and I have no doubt he'd apologise. And I imagine OP would too if her partner had recognised and apologised for his own huge cock up first!

If you were asking for silence for the whole day or even afternoon it would be unreasonable

Not it wouldn't. She's working. He's on childcare duty. His duty is to also keep these children away from the work area for up to all of her working hours, as SHE requires. It's not optional to do that. If he can't manage to schedule in their fun in the garden at suitable times and keep them under control and not causing a disturbance, then he needs to do activities with them in the house or take them out.

He is, indeed, a tosser and undermining you and your career OP.

Time for DH to move into the office she'd permanently and set it up to parent when you wfh. Pop all his things in there and plenty of toys. It will be called his 'parent-pod'. Fit new lock to house and wfh happily with no shouting or inept fathering.

He's feeling emasculated by your earning power the poor wee lamb 🎻

He’s a selfish cunt, (sorry OP!) reminds me of someone who anytime their wife did anything that was important like a phone call they’d start looking for the noisiest jobs possible.

This !

Of course it was deliberate. If he had respect for you and your job, he would have kept the kids inside/taken them to the park etc. An hour, that's all you asked him for. A single hour.

And only the second 30 minutes of that hour was your live presentation. He knew that too. And yet that was the moment he decided to release the naked hyped up kids to smash against the window and shout. And stroll up to collect them. To remind you that without him, you may not be able to pursue your career.

This was a deliberate act of sabotage. He wants you to look stupid. He wants to remind your colleagues that you're a woman and a mother. He wants to put you on edge so that you're uncomfortable with ever trying to do this again. And he has done a total DARVO number on you - you had every right to be furious with him but he made himself into the victim so you ended up feeling like you may be in the wrong.

I'm sorry, this must be very hard to hear but he has a massive issue with you and he is deeply resentful of your success.

This isn't going to go away.