Friend topless in front of DH

[cakehoover123]

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

My friend saw a woman doing this in the queue of a well known tourist attraction in Northern Ireland. Both boobs completely out.

Rather unusual! If it was a tiny baby I would think she was aiming for skin-to-skin (which admittedly I wouldn't do with a guest around) but at 8 months..... not common.

I've breastfed 3 for a relatively extended period. I'm certain I'll have flashed the odd person as young toddlers sometimes pull off and look around when you aren't expecting it, but mostly there's nothing to see as everything I covered by either clothes or baby unless the person is standing close behind looking over my shoulder.

Feeding a baby is a utilitarian thing. I've never been embarassed or felt the need to wear a massive cover, but there's little/nothing on show most of the time. I've never known someone to bare both sides to feed when someone is around. It's just not necessary.

I have 3 kids and haven't breastfed (first was a preemie and my milk didn't get the memo and I just followed on with the bottle as I knew it and it worked).

I wasn't about my boobs at all in my younger days (post 3 kids and a mastectomy and no one needs to see this anymore) and wouldn't think twice about getting them out (if men can why can't we).

With both that said when I had my babies and the milk came in my boobs looked bloody awful, the worst they have ever looked. They where veiny, splotchy, painful and uncomfortably huge (not jessica rabbit curves, more violet beauregarde reaction contained to just the tits). I can honestly say I did not feel sexy at all.

My SIL is an exhibitionist like this. Happily stripping off in front of me, DH, her parents... no boundaries. I ignore it.

It's odd. But breastfeeding is only appealing to a niche subset of men, so I doubt your DH was drooling over her baps.

Maybe she was hoping one of you would comment so she could give you a lecture.

Women don't need to hide to breastfeed, but I don't see why you'd choose to be the complete opposite of discreet when you've got company. I wouldn't want anyone seeing my boobs unnecessarily and I doubt they want to see them either.

I used to fill the Hakka pump with the opposite boob I was feeding from and I would take whole shebang off. So for me it’s not weird at all.

Unusual to uncover both, but maybe that's how she's always done it. Flirting?? Insane suggestion. There is nothing sexy about breastfeeding.

Exactly what I thought.
To be honest getting both out when you're out of the room is strange because if you were there you would have probably excused yourself and DH.

Like it or not the reality is boobs are very sexualised. You're free to breastfeed as you please but there's no need not to be considerate of others. I have bf my dd for 16 months so far and have always managed to bf on demand and make sure everyone's comfortable.

Definitely unusual. The other boob would have been leaking milk 🧐

@MadamWhiteleigh why is it different? Breasts are not genital and not inherently sexual. There are plenty of cultures e.g. france where women are shirtless in public and it’s absolutely not different to a man. It’s not the 1950s anymore!!

I used to know someone who would do that. It was because she felt that breastfeeding had been stigmatized and nursing mums made to feel unwelcome in public, something like that. I never saw her feeding the baby when she was out and about, but when I visited her at home she would sit there with her top down and chat with me, waving her hands about and so on. It was pretty funny, and, hey, more power to her. I don't know if I would have been amused if my husband was there, though.

Sorry, of course, that makes more sense! I think I left my brain at home today!

Yeah, I've got plenty of friends who breastfed, but I certainly never saw any of them feed their kids topless, even when it was just them and me in their home

She was using them for their purpose, it's men that sexualised breasts.

I highly doubt she was trying to lure your husband into an affair by breastfeeding in front of him 🙄

It's like on South Park when Butters goes the toilet. He pulls his pants and undies down, right down to the floor, when he's having a tinkle.

I'm assuming OP that you must have strong suspicions that this friend is sexually interested in your husband? Coupled with a track record of inappropriate exhibitionist tendencies?
If not, I can't think for a moment why anyone could interpret her (albeit unconventional) BF style as grasping the opportunity of your toilet break to entice your husband with the breast that didn't have her child attached to it.
I'm also assuming your DH may be rather inexperienced at life and/or immature.
If a man is uncomfortable because a woman is BF, he doesn't need to sit there squirming ljke a ten year old whose never seen a breast before. He simply need say 'I'll give you some privacy' and leave the room. Maybe teach him that?

This is ridiculous, flirting? You go round to her house, she’s breastfeeding, she does whatever she normally does which is strip off and you think she is flirting?!

I breastfed and still do. When my DC went through a feeding strike we ended up in hospital. I was advised to take my top off, let both breasts be on show and let my child to feed and touch the other breast if they wanted. The feeding team said this is the best way to encourage feeding and let your child and your body get in tune. Maybe she has been recommended this. She is not thinking about flirting with your husband, she is doing whatever she feels she needs to feed her kid.

When I hadn’t been breastfeeding long, I used to get both boobs out and have a muslin under the one not ‘in use’ because I just leaked everywhere. I’m pretty sure I did that in front of FIL so I doubt I’d have thought much of doing it in front of a male friend. My boobs were completely non-sexual when DS was tiny and feeding.

I agree with the vast majority that no-one is going to get their leaky boobs out to be flirtatious.

I can believe this happened actually. I was pretty surprised when from a younger family member we got pics posted on social media of her in an exceptionally skimpy bikini in labour and she simply took off her top to bf in front of an even younger male family member (so entirely topless and male person thinking wtf 😳 X never used to get topless if I was in the room)

But I don't think she was doing either to "flaunt" herself personally. It's not really her character, though she may have thought twice if she wasn't blessed with a supermodel figure that yes, I'm incredibly jealous of 🤣

I think there's been such a campaign against having any sort of "it's not appropriate" attitude surrounding pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding that some women have taken this to mean "it's always appropriate" and I can kinda understand why my younger relative thinks she's actually supporting all mums and womanhood by not censoring herself whatsoever bc "it's motherhood"

i mean, i bf my two, without a cover as it annoyed both babies, i never got both my boobs out at the same time tho, that's pretty weird, it would also make the the other boob leak...

Breasts are sexual to men. Maybe they shouldn’t be but they are.

Women may be topless in France but that’s on the beach. They don’t walk down the street or ride a bike topless.

The only way to make a theory into reality is to act, even if it goes against current conventions of what's normal. You see this now in the trend of young women not wearing bras. They are, rightly in my opinion, trying to desexualise breasts. Perhaps by showing breasts in the conetxt of breastfeeding OP's friend is doing the same thing. After all, there is nothing sexy about breasts engaged in breastfeeding.

And why should we have to hide our bodies, least men start sexualising them? Especially when we are using those parts of our body to fulfil one of their natural normal functions? Once you start seeing yourself as an agent in the world, with as much right to agency over your body as a man has, it's difficult to go back to seeing your own body primarily as an object of sexual appeal to men. To me, my breasts are for feeding my babies, or at least they are another part of my anatomy. Perhaps some men see my breasts as sexual objects for their own enjoyment. That's their problem, not mine. They can't force me to conceptualise my body in the way that they do, nor to act accordingly.

No idea if this is what OP's friend is aiming for, but if it is, more power to her.

I have spent three years of my life breastfeeding, and I think this is weird as fuck.

I've breastfed in front of many people, only me, the baby and my husband saw any flesh. I cannot comprehend taking all my top clothes off, especially the bra, too much chance of leaking.

All of this depends on how the woman usually is. If you known her for a while and have seen her bf her baby but have never seen her strip off to do so, then something was going on.

I have never seen anyone do this Infront of people who aren't family - even Infront of family I've never known anyone to do this actually! I'd be a bit flabbergasted.