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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend topless in front of DH

576 replies

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

OP posts:
WhiskersPete · 20/07/2023 15:03

porridgeisbae · 20/07/2023 14:55

I do know of women who use breastfeeding as a way to flaunt.

Oh piss off

ElFupacabra · 20/07/2023 15:04

Loveys · 20/07/2023 14:58

Ffs breastfeeding is about as sexy as diarrhoea. Flaunting? I have heard it all now

Yup.

Humidititties · 20/07/2023 15:04

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/07/2023 15:02

That's how I fed DS....in my own home...without visitors....on days I couldn't be bothered to keep whapping them out.

I get needing to switch boobs quickly if you have a strong letdown but I still wouldn't strip half naked in someone elses home to do so

They were in the breastfeeding woman's home but regardless, I wouldn't do this in front of friends, no need to have them both out like that

Toottooot · 20/07/2023 15:04

Good for her - she’s in her own house and we’re constantly told tits are not sexual.

LordGribeau · 20/07/2023 15:04

Nevermind31 · 20/07/2023 15:00

Off to uncover both… wouldn’t the other one start leaking???

That's what I was thinking. I always found I leaked a bit on the side I wasn't feeding from because it set off the reflexes. I would have kept covered just to keep the pad in my bra.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/07/2023 15:04

Ballinluig · 20/07/2023 15:02

Would the other tit not have started pouring milk everywhere?? Or just mine that were like a pair of water canons?

Did keeping it covered help stop it leaking for you?

Sorry I'm not being arsy here, I'm just genuinely curious! I had an oversupply so mine leaked about 90% of the time whether they were covered or not.

QuaversAndRedbull · 20/07/2023 15:05

porridgeisbae · 20/07/2023 14:55

I do know of women who use breastfeeding as a way to flaunt.

Flaunting what and to who?

Rainbowx90 · 20/07/2023 15:05

Her house, her rules I guess 🤷‍♀️

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2023 15:05

Merrow · 20/07/2023 15:02

Admittedly I've stripped half naked in my own house as DS2 is proving to be a crap feeder and very adept at pulling down my top to shove that in his mouth instead... I'd do my best to avoid that with guests though. Can confirm I see nothing remotely sexy about breastfeeding.

And if the baby was new I could absolutely see that. But with an 8 month old? Typically they don't need a lot of help by then.

Cablescablescables · 20/07/2023 15:05

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/07/2023 15:04

Did keeping it covered help stop it leaking for you?

Sorry I'm not being arsy here, I'm just genuinely curious! I had an oversupply so mine leaked about 90% of the time whether they were covered or not.

Show quote history

No no, it still leaked, but at least when it was covered it leaked into a breast pad and not my fabric sofa or my dry clothes :)

MadamWhiteleigh · 20/07/2023 15:05

Some women do not have qualms about breastfeeding in front of others

It’s not about her breastfeeding in front of others. It’s about taking her entire top off so that she is naked from the waist up. That’s not normal in front of other peoples’ husbands. Or any people, in fact.

NumberTheory · 20/07/2023 15:06

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in breastfeeding with your DH in the room, whether she’s “alone” with him or not (you’d gone to the loo and were coming back, I wouldn’t really class that as alone). This is what breasts were designed to do.

The everything off approach is an unusual way to breastfeed when around people other than immediate family, though it is easier (IMO), especially when you’re just getting the hang of it.

I understand the discomfort if she’s got form for being flirty, but breastfeeding is unlikely to be an extension of that (and even less likely to have that effect on your DH).

NewName122 · 20/07/2023 15:06

I breastfed, my sister breastfeeds. Did it infront of everyone. Not onece in 5 whole kids did we take our whole top and bra off and have one hanging. What the actual fuck insane behaviour is that. I'd be annoyed.

nonmerci99 · 20/07/2023 15:06

MadamWhiteleigh · 20/07/2023 15:05

Some women do not have qualms about breastfeeding in front of others

It’s not about her breastfeeding in front of others. It’s about taking her entire top off so that she is naked from the waist up. That’s not normal in front of other peoples’ husbands. Or any people, in fact.

Obviously it is normal for the woman in question. You are not the breastfeeding police.

Weedoormatnomore · 20/07/2023 15:07

Nevermind31 · 20/07/2023 15:00

Off to uncover both… wouldn’t the other one start leaking???

This

Mary46 · 20/07/2023 15:07

Would find that very odd op not sure the need to have no top on... but then Im quite private.

Cablescablescables · 20/07/2023 15:08

Cablescablescables · 20/07/2023 15:05

No no, it still leaked, but at least when it was covered it leaked into a breast pad and not my fabric sofa or my dry clothes :)

Show quote history

Sorry, name change from before but it was my post :)

Nuca · 20/07/2023 15:08

@NewName122 I missed the comment and thought you said you breastfeed your sister. I was wondering what direction this thread was going inBlush

GoodChat · 20/07/2023 15:08

Have you previously visited her on your own since she's had the baby? Did she do the same then?

Nuca · 20/07/2023 15:08

Comma*

ShortDaysLongNights · 20/07/2023 15:09

I'd think it's a bit odd. I have breastfed mine and certainly have with friend's DH present. However, there is no need to actually take your top off as it's certainly not a requirement for breastfeeding..

Original poster
cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 15:09

There's no way I'm ever going to talk to her about it.

It felt kind of like flirting to me - but then I've never breastfed, so don't know whether men respond to it. I won't be asking DH either lol!

OP posts:
NewName122 · 20/07/2023 15:09

Nuca · 20/07/2023 15:08

@NewName122 I missed the comment and thought you said you breastfeed your sister. I was wondering what direction this thread was going inBlush

🤣🤣 I do type fast and don't proof read so had to check I hadn't said that 🤣

Bumbers · 20/07/2023 15:10

I am literally breastfeeding as I type and do so in public and in front of others.

What she was doing is totally weird and inappropriate!

Mummy08m · 20/07/2023 15:10

Yabu and I'm so glad my own friends aren't so judgemental. Breastfeeding topless is my default way of doing it when I'm in my own home. Sure I might make a token effort to pull a cardigan halfway across if I have visitors but if it gapes open then so what. Babies wriggle and it usually takes two arms to breastfeed, I don't have a third to pull clothes back over myself.

Through lockdown we did weekly zoom evenings with our friends and I was breastfeeding throughout and probably exposed myself every time. None of them ever batted an eyelid.

I think someone would have to be a bit creepy or at least kinky to find a mother breastfeeding sexy.