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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend topless in front of DH

576 replies

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/07/2023 15:21

I always found breastfeeding very awkward, it was better for me in peace and quiet so I would relax more and it would be easier. That said, I don't think there is anything to talk about regarding women breastfeeding, breasts are just breasts.

That said again, I'm talking to - I presume - women on this thread and we have a blueprint to be supportive of breastfeeding women which is at it should be.

One thing though, whilst I don't find breastfeeding sexy in the slightest, I'm a woman. Men are not the same, breasts to them are sexual and there is a business out there promoting breastfeeding milk to men. I doubt there's a single woman who would be signed up to that.

Turfwars · 20/07/2023 15:21

I can't say I ever did that when breastfeeding, even alone. But then everyone's different.

I guess the question here is has she been doing it that way for the last 8 months and in front of everyone such as her brother or dad, or was this unusual for her?

HideTheCroissants · 20/07/2023 15:21

I breastfed anywhere and everywhere but I never undid more than one side of my bra or remove my top. It’s totally unnecessary to do so.

5128gap · 20/07/2023 15:22

porridgeisbae · 20/07/2023 14:55

I do know of women who use breastfeeding as a way to flaunt.

No mate. You don't.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 20/07/2023 15:22

I'd find this really odd. In all the years I've been around breastfeeding women starting with my mother/aunties then moving to friends and cousins I have never encountered anyone who strips their top half to feed.

With only a couple of exceptions all of the women have been utterly relaxed about the slight exposure that comes with breastfeeding so haven't been careful about covering up/being discreet...but it's still only one boob at a time that's ever possibly 'on display' before the baby gets on with feeding.

Maybe that's just her most comfortable way to breastfeed for whatever reason, but I'd definitely lean towards it being unusual rather than common place - especially in front of company that you're not with often.

rwalker · 20/07/2023 15:23

There’s no need probably waiting for you to say something then she could be offended

ZickZack · 20/07/2023 15:24

I'm currently breastfeeding and wouldn't personally do this. But they're just boobs so I can't say I'd be bothered if someone did this in front of me. I don't cover up or anything when I feed. Plus, I live in Germany where people lie in the park and walk around swimming pool showers butt naked

Saschka · 20/07/2023 15:24

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 15:09

There's no way I'm ever going to talk to her about it.

It felt kind of like flirting to me - but then I've never breastfed, so don't know whether men respond to it. I won't be asking DH either lol!

Some men respond to it, yes. Perverts/fetishists. Not normal men.

It’s an unusual way to breastfeed, especially by 8 months when babies are usually doing most of the work for you. Highly unlikely she is doing it for sexual reasons though, unless she is a complete weirdo herself. Which I assume she isn’t, or you would know about it.

I’d put this more on the scale of “clipping your toenails in public” - not something many people would do with an audience, but the people who do, see nothing wrong with it.

MrsBigTed · 20/07/2023 15:25

I do find the 'spare' boob leaks much less when it's covered, and having it covered does stop the twiddling so double bonus.

Sheitgeist · 20/07/2023 15:27

As a man, I tend to prefer not to have to deal with this!!!!

I think that's what people are failing to appreciate: it's not just about the comfort of the breastfeeding mother, but surely the sensibilities of the people in her company? There's no need to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I BF 5 DC and was aware of making anyone feel awkward. When I was alone or just DH and family there'd be more in show, other people I'd be more discreet.

Blossomed · 20/07/2023 15:28

I get that it isn’t conventional in our society, so could have easily induced feelings of awkwardness. However, your friend was merely feeding her child in her own home. Men get to walk around topless with their non-functional nipples on show, so of course a woman feeding her child (and anyone else for that matter) should be allowed to do the same.

HaddawayAndShite · 20/07/2023 15:30

Unless she was sensually caressing the free breast and winking at your husband I HIGHLY doubt she was flirting with him.

Why would you stay friends with someone who repeatedly flirts with your partner anyway? Then why would you take that partner to her house if you’re so worried about her pouncing on your man? Which I’m betting looks like a foot anyway

A lot of off behaviour on this post.

OhComeOnFFS · 20/07/2023 15:30

Who the hell strips to the waist to feed an 8 month old?

Have you been in the same room as her when she's bf before?

puffyisgood · 20/07/2023 15:32

I found this thread depressing somehow.

anyway, when it comes to breastfeeding your baby in your own home, I'd say that almost anything goes. maybe with a few exceptions but almost anything. it's very hard to say based on the information provided whether this behaviour constitutes an exception. my starting assumption would be that it doesn't, ie that op's friend has probably done nothing wrong.

Dreamingofthathouse · 20/07/2023 15:32

I can’t imagine how ANY woman would use breastfeeding to flaunt or flirt!!

first of all, it’s a moment in which the child is feeding, so you are absolutely not feeling or looking sexual while you breast feed.

secondly, it’s probably the time when your hreasts are at their worst!! Leaky, uneven, messed up nipples, etc.

i doubt there was any sexual or flirty intent there.

that said, in her shoes I would still probably not have gone completely topless in someone else’s house. But I’m a prude

Justkeepsmilingx · 20/07/2023 15:32

Breast fed all mine. Anywhere and everywhere. Minimal flesh on show always - you only need a little bit uncovered and the baby covers that.
I also used to leak on the other side so if I’d have had one boob uncovered it would ‘dribble’ for want of a better phrase - it seems really weird.

Also - I wouldn’t want to inflict my surplus tyres and excess wobbly bits on anyone, let alone through choice !

MadamWhiteleigh · 20/07/2023 15:32

Men get to walk around topless with their non-functional nipples on show, so of course a woman feeding her child (and anyone else for that matter) should be allowed to do the same

A man being topless and a woman being topless is absolutely not the same and it’s ridiculous to pretend it is.

IveHadItUpToHere · 20/07/2023 15:33

I breastfed and wouldn't have leaked on the other side. When I was new to breastfeeding, I might have stripped off but not in front of other people. I fed everywhere so got adept at feeding with nothing visible.
Regardless I don't think she was flaunting or flirting. That's the last thing on your mind when you're breastfeeding!

SophieinParis · 20/07/2023 15:33

Woah that’s weird. I’ve breastfed my 4 until they were 2 but would never have done this!! Unnecessary flashing! And who wants to see a massive milky leaking boob?!

thehairdebate · 20/07/2023 15:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Dreamingofthathouse · 20/07/2023 15:34

Oh I missed that this was in your friend’s house. If you were in her house then I think anything goes… would have been a bit odd in your home, but still don’t see the potential for anything sexual or flirty there

Startyabastard · 20/07/2023 15:34

I know nothing about breastfeeding, but was she not just in the middle of switching boobs or was it easier for her to do it this way?

Startyabastard · 20/07/2023 15:36

I've heard that some babies refuse to have any sort of cover over their heads and/or lift up the mum's shirt when they do it, so could she have been trying to avoid this and thought she might as well do as described?
Do her breasts usually soak her shorten let down?
I'm just trying to think of reasons...

Acourtof · 20/07/2023 15:36

Always managed to keep my clothes on whilst breastfeeding my DC. My DH would have been queuing outside the bathroom door if she’d done that in front of him 😂

Pkhsvd · 20/07/2023 15:36

I would breastfeed in my own home with someone’s else’s DH there but I wouldn’t just have the other boob out. Even totally alone at home I didn’t used to do that. Would be surprised if it’s a way of flirting though as breastfeeding is not by its nature

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