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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend topless in front of DH

576 replies

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 20/07/2023 15:54

I think i read this as the op said that the friend has always been a bit flirty with her dh before this incident. Your friends is one of THOSE girls.

Lillith111 · 20/07/2023 15:54

@MadamWhiteleigh feet are also sexual to lots of men but it’s their responsibility to cope not mine to shield them. It’s not a genital and it’s not my job to make men comfortable. Any situation where it’s acceptable for a man to go topless I can go topless

FabFitFifties · 20/07/2023 15:55

I'm very pro breastfeeding, I support breast feeding mothers as part of my job. I have never known someone breast feed completely topless in company. Is she the sort to "put on a performance" about things generally? My DP would of suddenly needed to leave the room.

KvotheTheBloodless · 20/07/2023 15:55

Nevermind31 · 20/07/2023 15:00

Off to uncover both… wouldn’t the other one start leaking???

That's what I was thinking! Surely you'd have to press down hard on the nipple not in use to stop it letting down everywhere, and it'd still leak a bit even then.

ConnieLinggusThe69th · 20/07/2023 15:55

Personally I don't think we're ever going to win breasts not being sexualised by men

Men have relatively short periods of their lives where they're actually exposed to the necessity that breasts = nourishment for babies

And the majority of it where it's pornographic and inherently sexual

DancingDaisyLdy · 20/07/2023 15:56

If I didn’t keep my other breast covered whilst breastfeeding, I always squirted milk, I’m surprised this didn’t happen.

WilkinsonM · 20/07/2023 15:56

She almost certainly wasn't trying to flirt but it's super weird!

Iwasafool · 20/07/2023 15:57

I once saw a very well blessed woman doing this walking down a main road. That was decidedly odd.

ModestMoon · 20/07/2023 15:58

ConnieLinggusThe69th · 20/07/2023 15:55

Personally I don't think we're ever going to win breasts not being sexualised by men

Men have relatively short periods of their lives where they're actually exposed to the necessity that breasts = nourishment for babies

And the majority of it where it's pornographic and inherently sexual

Exactly, this is why people like OP's friend are doing the Lord's work in exposing men to the necessity that breasts = nourishment for babies, to counterbalance some of the pornographic content. And it seems she's doing it one uncomfortable husband at a time. 😁

(Great username btw)

Brk · 20/07/2023 15:59

When I was breastfeeding the way I saw my breasts totally changed, to me there were just babyfood and anyone who thought they were sexual was a creepy perv with mommy issues.

Also, while some babies will accept a cover-up scarf, others (like my baby) will instantly stop feeding if one is used.

That said, in 2 yrs of breastfeeding I never flashed my nipples at a man 😂 a more normal thing for her to do would be to explain she needs to change breast and either ask for privacy or leave the room herself.

IveHadItUpToHere · 20/07/2023 16:00

There can be different cultural expectations around it too. My DSIS' friend wouldn't hide her boobs when feeding. In her culture, it was the norm to just get them out and feed - no hiding them, coyness or covers.

AlltheFs · 20/07/2023 16:00

I’m on the fence with this, I didn’t generally expose my whole tits when feeding in company but I did when on my own/with DH and I happily go topless anyway so no qualms about anyone seeing them.

It does sound a bit random to do in this set up-but she might just be really comfortable. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with it though, tits are tits.

AlltheFs · 20/07/2023 16:02

KvotheTheBloodless · 20/07/2023 15:55

That's what I was thinking! Surely you'd have to press down hard on the nipple not in use to stop it letting down everywhere, and it'd still leak a bit even then.

Show quote history

I had no leakage ever, and I fed for 26 months. Didn’t use even one breastpad. Mine are watertight 😂

ohsuzannah · 20/07/2023 16:02

I wonder if she does this when she's out, say having a coffee or something 🤷‍♀️

Scottishskifun · 20/07/2023 16:02

So she was sat completely topless?

I mean I bf both my babies and have only ever been like that in bed when I have taken my top off because it was soaked with milk! It is a bit odd if sat completely topless!

Rubytoos · 20/07/2023 16:03

I’ve lived in a country where breastfeeding was considered a normal and natural thing to do for babies. It’s only Western society that has made it so prudish. We’ve all heard the stories of women being asked to leave cafes etc because they were ‘disgusting’! The country was a developing one, women would get their tits out for the babe in all sorts of places - restaurants, buses, taxis, and men wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Why do we do so here?

GraysPapaya · 20/07/2023 16:03

Again I’m very pro breast feeding, I often fed in front of male friends. But I would always leave the other breast covered!
It’s a shame they’re seen as sexual really, strange when it’s just 2 lumps of tissue that produces milk to babies! But we are where we are.

LaffTaff · 20/07/2023 16:03

Walking around in front of unprepared visitors (male OR female) with your bare baps full out is considered socially unacceptable. So i'd use that as my lead, and be as discreet as I was able. I don't see this as a pro or anti breast feeding issue, just basic decorum.

Hibiscrubbed · 20/07/2023 16:04

Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH

I think people are either deliberately or accidentally missing this detail.

Coupled with the fact that she waited until the OP was out of the room to strip off (this is an eight month old baby, not an eight week old, so feeding wasn’t an instant need), I don’t really blame her for feeling weird about it.

5128gap · 20/07/2023 16:06

malificent7 · 20/07/2023 15:54

I think i read this as the op said that the friend has always been a bit flirty with her dh before this incident. Your friends is one of THOSE girls.

If she believes her friend is inappropriate with her husband she'd do better to end the friendship, rather than cart him round with her to the friends house, and for some inexplicable reason leave them alone together long enough for this alleged scenario to be played out.
No, the whole thing is just an invitation for people to trot over and have a go at yet another aspect of womanhood and frighten themselves with tall tales of predatory hussies from whom no one's husband is safe.

Esmereldapawpatrol · 20/07/2023 16:08

It is a bit odd, maybe she is just super comfortable with her body though and doesn't see it as anything sexual (which it isn't, that's what boobs are there for)?

I BF both of mine and always managed to do it without showing boob as that's what I was comfortable with. There is no way I would have got my boobs completely out in front of a friends DH. My friends and my own DH totally but if I had needed to feed like that I either would have asked for the husband not to come over or gone to a different room.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 20/07/2023 16:08

Yes OP! You have to tell us! Does she do this when your DH is not there or when she’s out and about? If not I might be a bit miffed but ultimately, I do think she can feed how she likes. It is unusual though. I never did this, well I did once on my own when I was still learning to breastfeed, but the rest of the time it’s so easy to just pop down the top/bra and get on with it without anyone even noticing.

Also my DH would be SO embarrassed if someone did this in front of him. He’d feel like he was completely intruding and he’d probably leave the room. So I would especially cover up in front of men. It’s clearly awkward. I remember one my DHs friend taking a picture of me whilst I was breastfeeding my DD (we were at a wedding). I was cross with him and he didn’t know why - he hadn’t even noticed I was feeding. He was mortified and deleted the picture even though you couldn’t see anything!!

willWillSmithsmith · 20/07/2023 16:10

As someone who breastfed my children it does seem a little odd (or attention seeking?). I always breastfed discreetly, not because of any shame or prudishness but because it wasn’t something I was trying to make a statement about. It was between me and my baby. I wouldn’t turn a hair if someone BF on a train but I might think it odd if she had both boobs hanging out for everyone to see.

Jongleterre · 20/07/2023 16:10

Do women not have lightweight shawls to drape over themselves?

I already did as whimsy I was feeling baby I didn't want to expose myself.

Your friend is strange to impose her naked breasts in this manner.

MechanicalGoat · 20/07/2023 16:12

Jongleterre · 20/07/2023 16:10

Do women not have lightweight shawls to drape over themselves?

I already did as whimsy I was feeling baby I didn't want to expose myself.

Your friend is strange to impose her naked breasts in this manner.

Why should breastfeeding women cover up? If her DH was uncomfortable he should have looked away or left the room. She’s in her own home.