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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend topless in front of DH

576 replies

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 22/07/2023 11:56

bigblueocean · 22/07/2023 11:22

This is completely normal in Europe, no one including me or my husband would bat an eyelid in this situation.

Funny, both my dc were born in Europe- I never saw anyone do this and people definitely would have batted an eye if if I or anyone else had done it.

PurpleButterflyWings · 22/07/2023 11:59

Who the fuck drops both their boobs out to breastfeed and lets everyone around them see their boobs in full? Confused

I don't know a single woman who's ever done that. Myself included. It's weird af.

Smacks of attention seeking. No wonder some people don't want women breastfeeding if THIS is what they do.

bigblueocean · 22/07/2023 12:01

@BigButtons I suppose what I was trying to get at is that it probably wasn't done with any intention to offend, or to be sexual as in many cultures it's normal / simply a part of life to breast feed without covering up (and the UK has many cultures living there, I myself was born and raised in the UK but my mother is Spanish born, so have always noticed such differences).

porridgeisbae · 22/07/2023 12:07

I suppose what I was trying to get at is that it probably wasn't done with any intention to offend, or to be sexual as in many cultures it's normal / simply a part of life to breast feed without covering up

@bigblueocean We do not live in those cultures so yes, in the UK it is unusual and excessive, and it's also in the context that she waited until OP was out of the room to get her baps out in front of OP's husband- that seems shifty.

Getting both one's tits out is definitely seen as sexual here, except if the doctor's giving you an exam, or maybe you're on a nudist beach. There's no reason to get the spare one out while she was doing it, except to give the bloke a full eyeful.

Notmineagain · 22/07/2023 12:11

PurpleButterflyWings · 22/07/2023 11:59

Who the fuck drops both their boobs out to breastfeed and lets everyone around them see their boobs in full? Confused

I don't know a single woman who's ever done that. Myself included. It's weird af.

Smacks of attention seeking. No wonder some people don't want women breastfeeding if THIS is what they do.

I saw someone in a cafe do this. Clearly attention seeking. Her child looked much older as she well. And the odd thing was she kept looking around as if to catch someone's attention.

BigButtons · 22/07/2023 12:13

bigblueocean · 22/07/2023 12:01

@BigButtons I suppose what I was trying to get at is that it probably wasn't done with any intention to offend, or to be sexual as in many cultures it's normal / simply a part of life to breast feed without covering up (and the UK has many cultures living there, I myself was born and raised in the UK but my mother is Spanish born, so have always noticed such differences).

I think you are being very generous. She waited until the OP had left the room.

bryceQ · 22/07/2023 12:15

I breastfed and would never have done this, wouldn't want the world seeing my breasts I think this is very strange behaviour. I think my husband would be very uncomfortable to see another woman's boobs!

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2023 12:15

Really odd behaviour. Maybe possible with a brand new baby who is establishing bf. Not an 8 month old.

Snugglemonkey · 22/07/2023 12:18

porridgeisbae · 20/07/2023 14:55

I do know of women who use breastfeeding as a way to flaunt.

And you know their intention is purely to flaunt?

Mary46 · 22/07/2023 12:19

Attention seeking I think. Any mums I saw doing it were discreet. No need to undress the top clothing

DelphiniumBlue · 22/07/2023 12:24

Weird. Can't imagine why you would need to strip to feed a baby.

bigblueocean · 22/07/2023 12:31

@porridgeisbae there are many cultures that live in the UK, it's a melting pot and perhaps the OP's friend had a background from one of those cultures where it is not seen as sexual to breast feed a baby and not cover the boob up. Just like having your boobs out on the beach in Spain is not a sexual act. I understand the UK is not Europe thank you, but I'm just trying to give some suggestions as I don't believe it was necessarily done to offend. That's simply my opinion though, it's not necessarily true of this case. I have friends in UK that don't cover up in-front of us when breast feeding, but they do ask if it's OK to not cover up and in the UK I would cover up when in public as I know it can offend people despite that not being the intention.

PurpleButterflyWings · 22/07/2023 12:35

Notmineagain · 22/07/2023 12:11

I saw someone in a cafe do this. Clearly attention seeking. Her child looked much older as she well. And the odd thing was she kept looking around as if to catch someone's attention.

Show quote history

OMG how odd! Shock

PurpleButterflyWings · 22/07/2023 12:37

Why do people keep going on about 'different cultures?' I don't know ANY other cultures who do this! Stop trying to make out the Brits are weird and uptight because we don't drop out boobs out and let everyone see out baps when we're breastfeeding! FFS, who DOES that?! Hmm

Nanny0gg · 22/07/2023 12:37

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/07/2023 15:04

Did keeping it covered help stop it leaking for you?

Sorry I'm not being arsy here, I'm just genuinely curious! I had an oversupply so mine leaked about 90% of the time whether they were covered or not.

Show quote history

I had a cup/shield that collected the milk
Don't know if you can still get them, I was saving mine for the NICU

PrinceHaz · 22/07/2023 12:40

Loveys · 20/07/2023 14:58

Ffs breastfeeding is about as sexy as diarrhoea. Flaunting? I have heard it all now

I don’t think the breast feeding in and of itself is the point. It’s that she was naked from the waist up and can be flirty with OP’s DH.

porridgeisbae · 22/07/2023 12:53

And you know their intention is purely to flaunt?

@Snugglemonkey Maybe not purely to flaunt, that's not relevant. Perhaps she did BF at the same time, but it was also to flaunt.

She did a photoshoot doing stuff like that and it wasn't just one of those cutesy mum and baby shoots.

She was wearing a skin tight black dress and lots of shots of her cleavage from above.

I think her intention was to assist in pulling someone who would take on both her and her baby.

Ihatepickingausername3 · 22/07/2023 13:07

This is odd behaviour. I breast fed. I never did that. I don’t know anyone who would

momonpurpose · 22/07/2023 13:34

PurpleButterflyWings · 22/07/2023 12:37

Why do people keep going on about 'different cultures?' I don't know ANY other cultures who do this! Stop trying to make out the Brits are weird and uptight because we don't drop out boobs out and let everyone see out baps when we're breastfeeding! FFS, who DOES that?! Hmm

Exactly. I doubt many on this post would wait till their left the room and stripped to the waist with friends husband in the room...who they have been flirty with...

jonahjones · 22/07/2023 15:31

Ballinluig · 20/07/2023 15:02

Would the other tit not have started pouring milk everywhere?? Or just mine that were like a pair of water canons?

I was wondering this too. I seemed to ooze milk out of both at the same time does this not happen to every woman? it was a bit of nuisance to be honest leaking.
yes no need to sit there infront of any guests with both norks fully out. I can imagine your dh felt very uncomfortable mine certainly would have and would definitely have left the room.

RampantIvy · 22/07/2023 15:40

*I seemed to ooze milk out of both at the same time does this not happen to every woman?

No. I never leaked. I had bought loads of breast pads, and ended up throwing them away. I didn't know anyone who could have used them, so they ended up in the bin. (DD pre-dated broadband and social media, so I couldn't advertise them online).

Hufflepods · 22/07/2023 15:52

@bigblueocean This is completely normal in Europe, no one including me or my husband would bat an eyelid in this situation.

Europe?? As in where exactly? Some European countries are worse about BFing than the uk.

Cucucucu · 22/07/2023 15:54

liveforsummer · 22/07/2023 11:56

Funny, both my dc were born in Europe- I never saw anyone do this and people definitely would have batted an eye if if I or anyone else had done it.

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I’m from mainland Europe and my hubby or anyone o know wouldn’t bay an eyelid at this

Cucucucu · 22/07/2023 15:55

PrinceHaz · 22/07/2023 12:40

I don’t think the breast feeding in and of itself is the point. It’s that she was naked from the waist up and can be flirty with OP’s DH.

Show quote history

She was breastfeeding, that’s exactly the point !

Cucucucu · 22/07/2023 15:57

PurpleButterflyWings · 22/07/2023 12:37

Why do people keep going on about 'different cultures?' I don't know ANY other cultures who do this! Stop trying to make out the Brits are weird and uptight because we don't drop out boobs out and let everyone see out baps when we're breastfeeding! FFS, who DOES that?! Hmm

Only half of the world ! It’s not that brits are uptight , you have a much more open one night stand culture Ryan other places as a example , it’s just that in a country where the must sold newspapers have naked women all over them , you seem to be very weird with breastfeeding