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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend topless in front of DH

576 replies

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 21/07/2023 22:17

Very odd. I breastfed and it’s normal to feed in both sides, but not normal to have one breast exposed in this way.
she could’ve put a thin blanket over the boob not being used or something.
don’t think I’d feel comfortable going round again

FlipFlop1987 · 21/07/2023 22:59

Vast majority of women whilst being intimate with a male will have allowed and actively enjoyed having their breasts stimulated. We can’t then have a go at men for being uncomfortable around another women’s boobs if they aren’t used to it. OP said she didn’t BF herself so her husband is likely only going to associate boobs in a sexual way.
It wasn’t necessary to get completely naked on the top half especially timed whilst OP was out the room, very strange behaviour.

Jeclop · 21/07/2023 23:22

cakehoover123 · 20/07/2023 14:53

Went to a friend's house - just her, me and DH. I went to the loo. When I came back in the room, she was breastfeeding her 8-month-old.

She'd removed whole top and bra on both sides, so was topless, with the non-feeding boob not covered up by baby. DH was doing a decent job of keeping his eyes on her face though 🤣

AIBU to think that's a bit odd?

I know I can't ever comment to her. Just wondered what to make of it privately, especially since she's always been a wee bit flirty with DH.

But I've never breastfed... so maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm just a prude. Would you breastfeed alone with a friend's DH? And if so would you cover up more than this?

Breastfed both my boys, my eldest till he was 3. Did this everywhere, anywhere and in front of anyone. Didn't cover up or anything of the sort.

I find it very very strange that a mother of an 8 month old would strip completely naked on her top half to breastfeed. Perhaps a new born when still getting to grips with feeding (still stange in front of others) but an 8 month old makes no sense. You generally switch boobs at every feed but you certainly don't need both breasts out for the full feed to do this. You feed on one, cover up and then feed on the other. I wouldn't even take one full breast out, let alone both. Very very strange behaviour.

blueshoes · 21/07/2023 23:25

itsgettingweird · 21/07/2023 20:35

I had ds is a foreign country where it was normal to be topless poolside and beach etc.

I often wore strapless tops etc when moving around.

I'd just pull it down to feed. Would already be topless if at communal pool etc.

I had no qualms about feeding ds publicly and no qualms about being topless.

But I never once pulled my top to my waist to feed if I had visitors or went to someone's house. Just never saw the need - and most of them had seen my tits anyway 🫣🤣

What a free spirit. Meanwhile, back in UK, most people don't want to see your boobs. Put them away.

mumoftinyterrors · 21/07/2023 23:27

Is she European? My SIL does a similar thing when feeding and she’s French. Seems to be the norm there

blueshoes · 21/07/2023 23:27

OhwhyOY · 21/07/2023 21:17

Did she have a top/bra that wqs difficult to feed with? I've worn dresses before that I've belatedly realised I can't feed properly in (though haven't whipped it off in public!). This is the only reason I can think of. Otherwise odd. But the whole 'it's easy to cover up so no one can see anything' IMO is affected by your boob size and your baby. With large boobs and a wiggly baby that pulls off covers you're screwed. I gave up covering up - but would still only have one boob out and do my best to shield from view with my hand/body positioning.

Having bf-ed for 8 months, you'd think OP's friend would have learnt a thing or two about what to wear when bf-ing. Slow learner?

blueshoes · 21/07/2023 23:28

mumoftinyterrors · 21/07/2023 23:27

Is she European? My SIL does a similar thing when feeding and she’s French. Seems to be the norm there

French breastfeed? Who knew.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 21/07/2023 23:41

difficultspaghetti · 21/07/2023 20:25

personally, I wouldn't GAF because my DP is not interested in other women. he might find it a bit awkward though 🤣

Is he an introverted man who is pretending. I am not sure if that's something to be proud of there may be a good reason why he is not interested in other women. It's not cheating to have a look.

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 21/07/2023 23:45

Carpediemmakeitcount · 21/07/2023 23:41

Is he an introverted man who is pretending. I am not sure if that's something to be proud of there may be a good reason why he is not interested in other women. It's not cheating to have a look.

Show quote history

Real manly men sneak a peek when a woman's breastfeeding?

CelestiaNoctis · 22/07/2023 01:38

No that's obviously weird. There's no need to put a bag on your head but both boobs out is definitely not normal. Why didn't you say anything lol. Like wasn't the other boob leaking?

carrotcakebae · 22/07/2023 03:02

Breastfed both my kids. This is weird . Even when home alone I've never done this unless I'm breastfeeding in bed and happen to have my top off if it's hot

RampantIvy · 22/07/2023 07:26

Not everyone leaks when breastfeeding. I didn't.

liveforsummer · 22/07/2023 07:28

RampantIvy · 22/07/2023 07:26

Not everyone leaks when breastfeeding. I didn't.

So did you remove your entire top half to feed baby in front of guest's because of that?

RampantIvy · 22/07/2023 07:31

God no Grin

Covermeinsunshine · 22/07/2023 08:19

BeeHappy12 · 21/07/2023 19:45

No you don't

Show quote history

Yes, she does…. and so does OP clearly. Stripping your entire top half when your friend leaves the room, but her husband remains, is absolutely using breast feeding as a way to flaunt.

Barney60 · 22/07/2023 08:37

Odd tbh

CompletelyConfusedMummy · 22/07/2023 09:05

This might be fine if nobody is around but I would absolutely find this odd if I were you. I’ve breastfed all my kids and sometimes had to do it in front of others. I bought special breastfeeding bras that had a flap that you could open, so I would feed on the one side, then close up, undo other side and feed. At no point were both my boobs exposed at the same time. I also just popped open a few shirt buttons…didn’t see the need to get the entire shirt off. She could also easily have excused herself to feed her baby in private in a different room so she could do as she pleases if that is how she prefers to feed. (Entire top half exposed.)

Ilovecleaning · 22/07/2023 09:28

Very odd. Bloody weirdo! Who the hell does that? What did your DH say afterwards?

Ilovecleaning · 22/07/2023 09:30

PS I thought this was going to be a sunbathing story!

SoShallINever · 22/07/2023 09:33

Spent 5 years of my life nursing 3 DC. I can't ever remember taking my top off (esp in front of a friends DH!).

jamdonut · 22/07/2023 10:39

I think it’s unnecessary to remove everything to breastfeed. It’s perfectly possible to breastfeed( both sides) without having to put everything on show. Whatever the rights and wrongs, some people DO feel uncomfortable around breastfeeding. Yes it’s their problem, but there’s no need to make it worse. And yes, I breastfed all 3 of mine, before you ask, and in public, but never once did I feel the need to put everything on show… at most people may have got a glimpse of nipple.

timesaretight · 22/07/2023 10:45

I know of a woman who flaunted. Everytime a guy came into the house she would whip them out, whether baby needed feeding or not.

bigblueocean · 22/07/2023 11:22

This is completely normal in Europe, no one including me or my husband would bat an eyelid in this situation.

Lavender14 · 22/07/2023 11:28

Sometimes ds 7mths is very fussy with feeding, if he doesn't get an immediate letdown he gets very frustrated and immediately starts looking for the other boob, which repeats until he gets a letdown and settles in. So if I'm at home and he's doing that then yeah I'd have both boobs out since by this stage I don't leak anymore. But if anyone apart from dh was there or I was in public then I'd have taken ds out of the room or repeatedly covered one side to nurse on the other and just swapped. To completely remove top and bra is unnecessary and weird.

BigButtons · 22/07/2023 11:48

bigblueocean · 22/07/2023 11:22

This is completely normal in Europe, no one including me or my husband would bat an eyelid in this situation.

That might well be- we are not in mainland Europe though.🤔