AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

Stop being a martyr about ‘more jobs to do’.

OP doesn’t need to do anything. It’s perfectly fine for that hamper to sit under her bed until she happens to see someone who would like some of the items. No work needed.

It doesn’t need beating or photographing. Treks to M and S or emails to their customer services etc are not needed. There is no ‘project’ of disposing of unwanted gift or translating it into cash or a wanted gift required. Awkwardly approaching the parent who organised the gift isn’t needed.

Approaching gidt-givers to ask for a receipt or return is best avoided or kept for only very best friends who you absolutely know would want you to, or very close family that you know woukd want you to. It is not something to approach clients (and parents are essentially clients) or people you are professionally connected to through work.

Think how many bosses have given gifts that weren’t appreciated. It’s not the end of the world.

I don’t drink. Over the years I’ve been gifted hundreds of bottles of wine, champagne, Prosecco, gin etc etc. They are nice gestures. I re-gift them. I’m grateful to the people who thought of me and gave me a gift, even if they didn’t remmeber or know I don’t drink. End of.

She's now got the summer off!

The problem with generic gifts is that the givers don't realise they are a minefield.

Over the years I have re gifted practically every work gift due to allergies, eczema, asthma. And my non drinking colleague re gifted every bottle of wine.

To both of us a card would have been better.

I understand your frustration at the gift, I'm lactose intolerant and people that know me well and know this still boy me chocolate as a gift.

But that is really a separate issue from you having no money. As much as I feel for you, that really isn't their problem

I'm giving to 5 school staff this time and have got a mix of chocs, biscuits etc for under a fiver each - I assume that teachers who get more share them out with lunch supervisors, cleaners etc. The idea of care assistants, retail staff etc having a whip round for vouchers for 'underpaid' teachers seems bizarre to me. I'm sympathetic to the OP's situation of course - it's very hard to be hoping for gifts from kids to get to the end of the month.
Don't put on a local selling page though - someone will see!

Pressed send too early. I meant it isn't their problem, as they aren't allowed to give monetary gifts anyway, so you'd still be worse off with a hamper even if you could eat what was it it. It's always chocolates and biscuits anyway, hardly a grocery shop.

I'm wondering if you can sell it?

This. As a donator or as an organiser I wouldn't think it was remotely rude to say thank you for such a generous gift but that unfortunately they weren't to know you have so many allergies and if it were possible to give you the receipt so you could exchange it. Anyone who could take offence at that given the value of the gift and the effort gone to to collect from parents needs a head wobble.

It is worth dropping these things (allergies and preferences) into conversation with parents during the year. Our parents WhatsApp groups get lots of tips passed on from parents who have inadvertently given booze to non drinkers, non specific food gifts to vegans. And so on. It's always really appreciated to hear that Miss X is partial to abc but hates gin

I know it sucks, but they were probably thinking you'd enjoy the treat you'd never buy yourself.

To be fair, there's a very good reason why people never buy hampers full of random food (at 5 times the true value) for themselves...

they aren't allowed to give monetary gifts anyway

I know that's the ruling, but practically speaking, how is giving an Amazon voucher not essentially the same as giving cash? With cash, you can buy absolutely anything that can possibly be bought (except for items sold exclusively by shops that don't accept cash); with Amazon vouchers, you can buy something like 90% of anything that can possibly be bought!

I reckon that the online shops that sell all the identical 'Best Teacher' mugs aren't actually run by the people who manufacture them, but rather by teachers themselves shifting all the stock that they've been given over the years - and they thus perpetuate the cycle!!

I’d just accept it and donate/give out what I couldn’t use.

This.

id be beyond mortified if I knew we’d gifted someone something they are allergic to, and if we’d spent £75 on a jar of jam.

@OrwellianTimes M&S don't exchange hampers (or any kind of food). Otherwise they'd get loads back because no-one really wants a hamper!

how is giving an Amazon voucher not essentially the same as giving cash?

it is the same, and not allowed. I wasn't suggesting she get a voucher instead.

I have phoned m&s and explained. They just said that without a receipt, no store is going to offer me an exchange.

For regifting... unless I was to give the whole hamper to one person (which I have now offered quite a few friends/colleagues and i havent found someone who likes all of the things inside) it doesn't really look like a gift. I don't see a bag of nuts as a gift, nor a jar of hazelnut spread or a couple of florentine biscuits. I wouldn't give the hamper as a gift because there is no one that I can think of that likes all these things and would hate to pass on a useless present simply because I can't make use of it. If I get someone something I do try my hardest to get them something I know they would like. It just seems a bit thoughtless to me to then save it for someone's birthday who wouldn't like it either. It would also be very obvious I put no thought in to their gift and just gave away something i had as the maximum I am able to spend on people is £5-£20, so to one day give a gift worth £75 looks like I just gave away something I didn't want.

I'm going to try a charity shop and hopefully it will get a little bit of money for someone who needs it.

I have had time to get over the dissapointment now and am grateful they gave me a gift at all. I (wrongly) assumed I would be given vouchers, as in the 10 years I have been teaching I always receive vouchers for Christmas and the end of term. If I am lucky, it's John lewis and waitrose where I can spend it on a food shop, or amazon where I can afford to buy my children some birthday presents and keep away. I had next vouchers from the same parents at Christmas and it paid for my children to have a dressing gown, some uniform and a pair of shoes each. It has always been £100-£150, but it was wrong of me to assume and I won't be doing it again and be more grateful that my hard work is recognised. They topped up the hamper with a massive bunch of flowers which i can tell is worth a lot of money, some mugs and a Teddy bear so I did get a few bits which I am grateful for and can make use of. It was just dissapointing.

Thank you everyone for giving me your views.

They topped up the hamper with a massive bunch of flowers which i can tell is worth a lot of money, some mugs and a Teddy bear

It sounds like the organiser of the class collection is very young. A teddy bear? Mugs? What a waste.

OP, there are 2 different issues here. It comes out so clearly from your recent post;

• You are struggling financially. This is horrible and really tough. The fact you have come to rely on some parental gift vouchers to buy stuff for your family is really worrying.
• this particular gift is not really the issue.

Here the parents have bought you a gift and not given vouchers. Maybe they thought vouchers looked thoughtless or repetitive as they’ve given them several times,and something which was a treat - lovely flowers, a teddy, hamper would make a nice change. They don’t know you’re relying on vouchers which come a couple of times a year to buy your children shoes. And of course, it’s not for them to provide you with that and the fact they haven’t is not a poor reflection on them. You cannot be reliant on gifts (which might not be forthcoming, or not appear in the format you hope for) for your standard costs if living. This just doesn’t work.

There are bigger issues here. Do you have a single income, or debts or other issues which make managing difficult. It sounds like you could do with some help like many people need help and your issues are much bigger than an unwanted gift.

Good luck OP. I hope you get into a stronger position. And giving the hamper to a charity shop, or perhaps to an organisation that can use it in one of their fundraisers and auction or raffle it, will provide good help to a charity. Even if it hasn’t helped you, you can have the pleasure of knowing you are helping others.

You might get better gifts if you managed to spell disappointed. Once I would have put down to fate fingers, but twice!🙂

Oops fat fingers! 😢

➡️ This comment, OP

There are some truly wonderful threads/minds over in the Money Matters area on here.

I was going to suggest the same as a PP - could you donate the items to a school raffle at some point?

That's ironic...

I married someone and got a mortgage with them who became very abusive, especially after we had children. He has a very good job and earns good money, so I was quite reliant on his income. When I left him he refused to leave the house and I had no where else to go, renting etc. wasn't an option on my salary (working 2 days a week and living in London) and he wouldn't let me take my children. I refused to leave them with him anyway.

To cut a long story short he threw me down the stairs with my baby in my arms, my front door was wide open because he had already opened it to smash my phone on the concrete outside and a neighbour phoned the police. He was arrested and given an injunction which meant he couldn't come near me or our house anymore. He didn't want to lose his job, which he would with a criminal record and had a lot of pressure from social services to let me have the children without taking me to court (I had no money really of my own, so court really threatened me as if I didn't have legal representation and he did I didn't know how it would go). He eventually said I could live in my house until my children are both school age and he wouldn't fight it, as long as I pay the entire mortgage and I drop charges. I couldn't find anywhere else to live and was facing homelessness at different points so without the money to go to court and fight for what I'm sure I am entitled to, I accepted as I knew I would have a roof over my head.

I now pay our entire mortgage on my own and I am a single mum to a 3 and 4yo so it's just circumstantial really. I just don't have a lot of money, but hope one day it won't always be so bad.

Well, you win the prize for the most unpleasant post I’ve seen in quite a while. With a passive aggressive smiley face at the end too. Lovely.

I’m really sorry you’re in this position, OP. To be honest I’m surprised they would refund a hamper even with a receipt, but I don’t think you can ask for it.

Is your school nut free? I’m assuming it is, with your allergy. What I would do is to ask for your allergy to be mentioned when that information is communicated to parents. Then hopefully you won’t receive anything that you can’t eat at Christmas or next summer.

The purpose of the gift is to show thanks and give a treat to the recipient. As the giver of the gift, I’d be upset to find out they couldn’t enjoy it, so I’d be very happy to provide the receipt so they can swap it for something that fits the bill.

No I wouldn’t ask for the receipt, I understand your annoyance but they didn’t have to get anything technically… so would be a bit odd to exchange it. Maybe regift it

After reading your updates, in your position I would try to sell it (on something like Marketplace?). No you wouldn't get £75 for it but whatever you did get would be a bonus. It's worth a try. Takes 5 mins to take some photos and create a listing.
Bless you, I really feel for you. You sound amazing, both as a teacher and as a mum.