AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

I’m very sure no one does it for the glory. What glory?

The last thing I imagine the teacher wants are 30 children’s drawings - every year too!

The idea of the class collection is to get something the teacher would like and not a bunch of tat to take up room in their house- vouchers are usually perfect for this.

You keep saying you have a jar of jam worth £75 in your cupboard which is an odd way to frame it, you don't you have a hamper worth £75, there's a big difference.
I know it sucks, but they were probably thinking you'd enjoy the treat you'd never buy yourself.
I wouldn't ask for a receipt to be honest, gifts aren't compulsory, it's not like you were banking on the money for food. I understand how disheartening it must be but I think you run the risk of making things very awkward.

Or you could have the jam and regift each of the items to someone when you go to their house etc

I believe many teachers on here have indeed stated that the hand written/drawn/made gifts from their pupils are very much treasured, and that they would MUCH rather that than have parent get all het up about collections and hampers with inappropriate items

If you're not asking for the receipt now and thinking of donating the hamper, keep hold of the empty basket. It's worth a tenner on an FB selling site, I sold mine for a tenner, in minutes, more than 1 person wanted it and I didn't get haggled down in price.

If you sell it online, surely there's a risk that one of the parents will see it.

You would look SO rude.

Just regift the items or swap them.

I wouldn't say anything.

This is the reason the year 1 teacher is getting a card tomorrow as I wouldn't know what to buy!

It’s not ungrateful to say thank you for the lovely gift but unfortunately I’m allergic to to contents, do you have the receipt so I can exchange it for one without nuts?

Unless the giver is extremely thin skinned I can’t imagine anyone would be upset, the point of the gift was to treat you and it’s not a treat if it could kill you, I’m sure the parents who contributed would rather you exchanged it than gave it to a charity shop.

Thos is why I always give a gift receipt!

I would re-gift. I wouldn't ask the organiser to exchange it, that is just awkward.

Many teachers on here ie some teachers on here are not representative of the teacher population.

First I'd ask M&S directly if they'll do anything without the receipt in the circumstances.

If not, I'd ask for the receipt - use your allergy as the excuse, they weren't to know and it's a plausible reason.

This is why we always give vouchers to the teachers!

I feel sorry for the OP. She’s obviously feeling the pinch and had been hoping for something that would help more in a practical way such as vouchers. I suggest going for selling the hamper if she really needs the cash.
Also, nuts are a pretty common severe allergy - I wouldn’t choose a hamper that had a lot of them in if I didn’t know for sure that the recipient could eat them.

I've organised a group present.. I'm still waiting for my glory, when and what should I expect? 🤣 Come on, organising a group present just means all the busy parents don't have think about it and we can get the teachers something more meaningful/bigger value if we club together, why so grumpy?Many parents also run side businesses so can get a discounted present which also then helps their business. I've got a voucher that can be used in multiple places so on food if necessary..sad to think that might be necessary though 😭 we did the hampers before but you get less and less for your money although it looks pretty..

What about eBay?

Would you give someone who is blind a paperback book as a gift? No - because they can’t read it. Would you give someone who is paraplegic a pair of roller skates? No - because they can’t use them.

Are you serious?😂
Ummm, well no you wouldn't, because surely those things would be blaringly obvious?!?
How on earth would the parents know she didn't drink and had a nut allergy? They didn't do it on purpose, they haven't all schemed together to buy her the worst gift in the world.

A hamper can be a nice gift and another teacher might have really liked this gift. It's unfortunate for the OP that she couldn't use her gift. But asking for the receipt is not a good idea. Fair enough if it was a friend, family member or someone outside of work, but in a professional setting, where gifts are concerned it would be almost unprofessional of her to turn around and ask for the receipt. A gift is a gift, smile, say thank you, and then regift.

This why I hate contributing to a communal gifts and just buy my own presents for teachers.

Hampers are such crap presents. Wine isn’t my favourite and I couldn’t get remotely excited about chutney, nuts, jams and pickles. It’s a good present for the man who has everything and you have fuck all idea what to buy your grandad, but few women I know would like this gift.

Just think of all the nice things you could buy in M&S with a £75 voucher (make-up, beauty, nice new underwear, three new pairs of jeans, some nice cushions for the sofa, perfume, luxury hair stuff) oh no, I’ve got cheese and crackers and a spiced apple chutney!!

@Luxell934 , just what the teacher OP needs, another job to do - regifting or reselling.

Not sure how regifting is another "job" for her to do. She can keep it, do nothing and then give it to the next person she knows with a birthday or anniversary coming up.

Or she could literally just throw it in the bin.

@Luxell934 , if she bins it, it's a waste of the parents' money.

Listing things on a marketplace is a job to do. You need photos, a description, think of a price etc, handle postage/collection ... Not a huge job, but it's still a set of tasks, and she'd probably not get £75 for it.

Regardless of whether or not people think it is rude to ask for the receipt ( I do - whatever happened to it's the thought that counts?) As PP has said - M&S do not accept the return of hampers. With or without a receipt. I am glad to hear it tbh - some of the food could have been tampered with.

Eat the jam. Use the basket or sell it. Donate the other things or regift.

Even if it’s strictly no return some big businesses do have discretion it’s definitely worth a try with contacting customer services higher up with the allergy point especially.

@Luxell934 well my examples were a bit extreme but I do dislike “I hope they like this”gifts.
Either get a gift that you know 100% they want/will like or give money or vouchers.
The 10 thousand threads that will be on here on Boxing Day about inappropriate gifts shows that being given random gifts is hated.

It would be really rude to do ask for the receipt.

The OP has not lost out through receiving this gift.

It was kindly meant. She just needs to take it as a kindly gesture and move on.

People are making it all into too big a thing. Gifts dont always have to be really carefully thought out with lots of love and effort put into them. Recipients don’t always have to adore their gift.

All this angst is why people get anxious about giving gifts, about arranging communal gifts and about getting them.

The gesture and thought is the important thing. Parents wanted to say thank you and express it. They have and the OP just needs to receive that thanks. The disappointment about it being something g she can’t really use, needs to be a fleeting g moment of disappointment which is moved on from very very quickly. What she needs to remember is the parents wanted to thank her and made an effort (it doesn’t have to be a vast effort where someone researched in detail what she would love).

OP can now think of some friends who’d like the booze and the nuts. She can give them those items and enjoy seeing their pleasure. It doesn’t matter that she hasn’t got £75 worth of stuff she herself will love. The gift could itself have just been some lovely jam.

People who get overly invested in the gifts they receive and in wanting to exchange things and return them seem like little children to me. It’s a bit self-indulgent to feel every gift needs to be wonderful.

I get that OP is finding things tight financially and a voucher or different gift might have been more useful…but you can’t dictate what you get, nor exchange to have stuff you’d buy yourself. Just move on and try to remmeber pleasure at being thanked not annoyance or disappointment at stuff that’s not so useful to you. It’s all about mindset.

As a parent I would want to know about the nut allergy (and alcohol preference), at least to not make the same mistake the next time.