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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
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ARRGHHHHHxxxxx · 20/07/2023 21:04

I think you need to just say thank you and regift. Gifts for teachers are optional. I think you'd look a bit ungrateful if you spoke to the parents.

This is why my DDs class, we put together money and buy a gift card for a shopping centre, or a gift card for an experience. We did that for the teacher this year. We also found out by asking the receptionist what their favourite colour was and what they like to drink. And whether they were allergic to anything.

ARRGHHHHHxxxxx · 20/07/2023 21:06

ARRGHHHHHxxxxx · 20/07/2023 21:04

I think you need to just say thank you and regift. Gifts for teachers are optional. I think you'd look a bit ungrateful if you spoke to the parents.

This is why my DDs class, we put together money and buy a gift card for a shopping centre, or a gift card for an experience. We did that for the teacher this year. We also found out by asking the receptionist what their favourite colour was and what they like to drink. And whether they were allergic to anything.

Basically we got relevant information from the receptionist to buy the teacher appropriate gifts.

Terrysnotmine · 20/07/2023 21:10

Can you sell it? Fb
marketplace or vinted?

LookingForRemoteWork · 20/07/2023 21:15

Find a village fair 20 miles away and donate it as a raffle prize ?

mumdebump · 20/07/2023 21:19

And the jam in that hamper is strawberry & champagne so if you don’t have any alcohol then there is nothing in the hamper you can have. You’re basically left with an expensive wicker storage box and some hamster bedding.

Mamabear48 · 20/07/2023 21:21

Just re gift it. You sound totally unreasonable to ask for the receipt and very rude actually

ZebraDilemma · 20/07/2023 21:22

I would ring your local M&S and explain the situation and ask if you can exchange, for something you can enjoy.

Isthisasgoodasitis · 20/07/2023 21:30

Are you serious 🤦‍♀️🤣 it’s a full half bottle size in the hamper lmao

Needmorelego · 20/07/2023 21:30

@Mamabear48 it’s not rude because she is ALLERGIC to most of it.
Would you like to receive a gift that could potentially kill you?

CarpetSlipper · 20/07/2023 21:33

If I’d given someone a shit gift they couldn’t use I’d want to know so I could change it for them. The whole point is that it’s a nice thing, nobody wants to give you a basket of things you’re allergic to nor does anyone want you to feel crap about it. I’d have probably put a gift receipt in just incase. There may be some people who would consider you rude for having a quiet word with the organiser but I’m sure most would understand.

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/07/2023 21:36

If I were the organising parent I’d be happy to give you the receipt and wouldn’t think you were being rude at all. The whole point of a gift is for you to have a treat, it’s not a treat if you can’t use it and you’ve also got the inconvenience of figuring out what to do with it.

Hyppogriff · 20/07/2023 21:37

you can’t do that !

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 21:37

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Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 21:40

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Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 20/07/2023 21:42

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AlfietheSchnauzer · 20/07/2023 21:43

sell on it on eBay! Or maybe a Mumsnetter would buy it?

Mamabear48 · 20/07/2023 21:49

Needmorelego · 20/07/2023 21:30

@Mamabear48 it’s not rude because she is ALLERGIC to most of it.
Would you like to receive a gift that could potentially kill you?

It is rude if she wants the receipt to buy something else just because she’s allergic doesn’t mean she can’t forward it on to someone who isn’t

shams05 · 20/07/2023 21:51

It's not a very well thought of gift
Even if they didn't know of your allergythey most likely know your religion. And anyone with an ounce of knowledge should know your religion doesn't allow alcohol, there's not loads of such religions around.
Please ask the organiser, if they gave it in good faith and sincerity they'll not mind you wanting to exchange it.

FedUpMumof10YO · 20/07/2023 21:52

I would accept graciously and make no mention of dietary stuff / receipt.

ConvallariaMuguet · 20/07/2023 21:53

I don’t think it’s so outrageous to ask for the receipt, as the OP is allergic to the contents.

If it was me, I would try again and take the hamper in to M&S to explain to a real human. I have had things exchanged there without a receipt at the discretion of their customer service department.

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 20/07/2023 21:58

I've read your posts. With enormous sympathy and support.

But gifts from children at school do need to be only ever considered as that, no matter what your circumstances. So it cannot ever be, ever, a substitute for income.
But I do think it is appropriate to discuss with your school leadership the nut (and even possibly the alcohol) gift. If you are a NUT-FREE school and many are then the PTA and Class Parent Reps need to be aware that NUT gifts sadly cannot be acceptable (no matter how thoughtful the gift). And I am sure the school could also put a similar argument for alcohol. (In my DC's primary alcohol is what kept the mums groups going so that wouldnt have gone down well but all schools are different).

Oobidequatzen · 20/07/2023 22:03

Plumbear2 · 20/07/2023 09:11

This is why I have never given to group presents for teachers. I think hand written notes and a drawing from the child are much more appreciated. The organisers just do it for the glory 🙄

“for the glory”?? Really? How much glory do you think comes with having to keep reminding parents to give to the teacher collection. Hardly shrouded in glory 🤣

Jumbojade · 20/07/2023 22:07

To be honest I have just went onto the M&S website and actually seen the hamper and it is pretty dreadful what is in it and that it’s supposed to be worth £75. It is a very expensive wicker basket!

However I think it’s awful that you could even consider asking for the receipt. It is a shame that you don’t like it, but to be honest (and you have now said yourself) I think you are unreasonable to expect that you will get a substantial gift voucher. You are paid to do your job and any extras (which I don’t actually agree with) should be seen as just that, a bonus and not part of your income. As the hamper only has a 14 day product life guarantee, you are also going to have to do something with it pretty quickly.

Original poster
Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 22:15

Jumbojade · 20/07/2023 22:07

To be honest I have just went onto the M&S website and actually seen the hamper and it is pretty dreadful what is in it and that it’s supposed to be worth £75. It is a very expensive wicker basket!

However I think it’s awful that you could even consider asking for the receipt. It is a shame that you don’t like it, but to be honest (and you have now said yourself) I think you are unreasonable to expect that you will get a substantial gift voucher. You are paid to do your job and any extras (which I don’t actually agree with) should be seen as just that, a bonus and not part of your income. As the hamper only has a 14 day product life guarantee, you are also going to have to do something with it pretty quickly.

Just to be clear, I would never ever be so rude as to ask for a receipt to return a gift I didn't like. It is purely because of my religion and allergy that I considered asking, not because I didn't like it. With other things inside such as soap or socks, even if massively over priced, I would not have even considered asking.

And to be honest, whilst I say I considered it, the reality is I would never have asked for a receipt. I don't send back food in a restaurant if it is wrong, I don't think I could actually find the words to ask someone for a receipt who has just done something so thoughtful.

OP posts:
Crocksnsocks · 20/07/2023 22:17

A six item hamper for £75? 😯 A hamper isn’t a great teacher present. It would be better to keep it simple with a nice plant (not flowers, they might be going on holiday) and the rest in vouchers.